Chapter 17
Dancing with Agnes was important. It created the illusion that Gabriel was spoken for, that he was on the verge of marriage, and that he ought to be left alone by the ladies of the ton and their eager mamas.
He needed that illusion. He needed people to understand that he was off-limits to them.
But dancing with Agnes was doing something else, too—something he had never expected.
He was enjoying it.
He liked the way it felt to hold her in his arms. He liked the knowledge that people were looking at him and tying him to this beautiful lady in their minds.
Best of all, he liked it when she spoke to him. Everything she had to say was interesting.
“It’s amazing, isn't it?” she asked as they whirled.
“What’s amazing?” He was prepared to agree, no matter what she said. He was certain it would be amazing.
“That we were just at a gentlemen’s club the other day, and now we’re here,” she explained. “I mean, I’m sure it doesn’t seem that extraordinary to you. You can do those things all the time. But to me, this has been very rare.”
“I do understand what you mean,” he told her. “Of course it’s odd—the fact that we’ve been in such vastly different places in such a short span of time. I can understand why you feel a little shell-shocked.”
“Not shell-shocked at all,” she countered.
“I’m enjoying it immensely. This was exactly what I wanted—to get out and experience more of the world.
To see things I wouldn’t otherwise have had the opportunity to see.
And when was I ever going to see the inside of a club like that one?
I feel as if my world has truly come to life over the last few weeks, thanks to the time you and I have spent together. ”
“I’m glad you feel that way.” He gave her a smile. “It would hardly be worth it otherwise.”
“But you understand that we can never tell my brother about any of those things, don’t you?
” she asked. “We can never let him find out about any of the things we’ve done together.
He might like you now, but I don’t think he’ll care for you very much if he learns about the exploits we’ve been carrying out. ”
He couldn’t help but laugh. “You’re saying I shouldn’t tell your brother that I helped you dress as a man and sneak into a gentlemen’s club? Or that I gave you access to a piece of salacious literature?”
“Maybe you think it goes without saying.”
“Obviously it goes without saying. I wouldn’t dream of telling him,” Gabriel assured her.
“What purpose would it serve? If I wanted to stop you, I wouldn’t be helping you.
All it would do is make him despise me, and make it that much more difficult for you to complete that list of yours, and I don’t want either of those things to happen. ”
“He would forbid me from ever seeing you again. This courtship, such as it is, would be over.”
That surprised Gabriel. “Would it?” he asked. “I only mean to say—does he have the power to forbid you from doing things? You’ve never struck me particularly as someone who listens to anybody’s commands. Do you mean to say that if he told you never to associate with me again, you would obey?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted. “It’s difficult to answer that.
You’re right that I don’t usually take orders—but I’m not usually given them.
Reeves learned a long time ago that I wasn’t someone he could easily control.
He hasn’t often tried. When I told him that I wanted to become a spinster, I could see that he was disappointed in the choice, but he never tried to stop me.
He never even tried to talk me out of it. ”
“And yet, you’re sure that he’s going to be disappointed when he finds out we aren’t really going to be married,” Gabriel remarked.
“You don’t think there’s even a chance he might simply take it in stride?
It wouldn’t be as if he was learning anything unknown about you, since you’ve always been reluctant to marry. ”
“I know,” Agnes agreed. “But the way he reacted when he heard that you and I were courting…no, I think we’ve given him false hope here.
He genuinely thinks that something might come of this, even though I tried to be as honest as I could without giving the game away altogether.
I told him that I had no particular goal of getting married, and that I didn’t know if you did either.
Still, I can tell he’s hoping for it, and I hate to dash his hopes.
” She sighed. “This is going to be difficult, unfortunately.”
“We’ll find a way through it,” he told her.
“We won’t do anything,” she corrected. “When this is over, we’ll go our separate ways, and you won’t have anything to do with what comes after. I’m the one who’s going to be left to explain to my brother.”
“No,” he clarified. “Don’t you remember what you and I agreed on when all this began? The arrangement was that I would take the blame for the end of our courtship. When we part ways, it will be made to seem as though the whole thing is my fault.”
She sighed. “I know we said that,” she agreed. “But how can I put that on your shoulders? It’s unfair. It would be better for us to part ways mutually.”
“I’m not going to let that happen,” he said firmly. “I won’t spend all this time profiting off our relationship only to leave you in harm’s way when all is said and done. I’m not willing to put your reputation at risk like that.”
“You know I don’t care for my reputation,” she reminded him.
“And you know I don’t want to be considered a viable candidate for marriage at the end of these affairs. It actively benefits me if I come out of this looking like the villain,” he said. “That’s why I want to do it.”
“So it’s not for my sake?” She smiled at him.
He laughed. “All right. Can’t it be both?”
“It can. I just don’t feel very good about letting you take the fall,” she said. “But I suppose you’re right that it was what we agreed upon. You’re sure it’s what you want?”
“I’m not going to let you come out of this looking bad,” he said. “Besides, you might not worry about your reputation, but it’s clear to me that you do worry about your brother’s opinion. And I don’t blame you for that.”
In fact, he reflected, it was nice to see her affected by something.
It was nice to know that there was something that did bother her.
It was almost unnatural how easily she shrugged off the idea of having her reputation tarnished, as though she had never cared what anyone said or thought.
He was beginning to wonder whether she ever had cared about anyone.
Now he had his answer. She might not care about society, but she cared a great deal about the opinion of her brother.
It seemed as though she was simply very discerning about what she allowed to bother her.
That was something he could respect, because he felt the same way.
He didn’t like the idea of Helena, for instance, losing her regard for him.
He was very careful with the way she perceived him, so as not to give a bad impression.
But when it came to the rest of society, he wished they would leave him alone.
I suppose Agnes and I are more alike than I realized. It’s just that I never believed I would meet a lady who shared this quality with me. I didn’t know that it was possible for ladies to feel this way.
She never fails to surprise me.
The music changed. He looked at her. “One more dance?”
“Of course,” she said. “Just like last time, I suppose—two dances, and then we depart.”
“This time perhaps we could really live dangerously and go for three,” he suggested.
She burst out laughing. “You don’t think people would be too shocked?”
“I think we’ve well established that we don’t care whether people are shocked or not,” he said, laughing right along with her. “Unless you’ve suddenly decided that you do care about that?”
“Not a bit.”
“Then dance with me. You know they’re going to talk no matter what we say or do, so let’s give them something to talk about. Two more dances tonight, and then I’ll return you to your brother and his wife.”
She nodded. “I can accept that.”
“Well, I’m so very glad to hear it.”
They moved into the steps of the new dance.
It was a little bit slower than the one before had been, and Gabriel found himself relaxing.
It was so good to be with her, to just enjoy their time together and not try to think too much about what was going on around them or what the future might hold.
How long had it been since he had been so carefree—with anyone?
Agnes bit her lip. “Gabriel?”
“Yes?”
“Before the evening sends us our separate ways,” she said, “I think it might behoove us to discuss the next item on my list.”
“Oh. I was wondering when you might bring that up.” He looked at her. “You know I’ve already agreed to do it, whatever it is.”
“I do know.”
“Where will we be going this time?”
“Nowhere,” she said quickly. “We can do this one right in your house. In fact, in many ways it will be the easiest task we’ve done so far. But…it may require a bit of trust. I know I haven’t given you that many reasons to trust me.”
“I don’t mistrust you,” he assured her. “Not anymore. It’s true we may have gotten off on a strange foot, but I don’t think you’re going to steal from me or corrupt Helena anymore, unless the next words out of your mouth are something so shocking that it forces me to entirely revise my opinion of you. ”
“That won’t happen,” she said. “Or rather…it might happen. I might shock you. But I don’t think what I have to say will make you worry I’m going to steal from you.”
“You have my interest,” he admitted.
She drew a deep breath. “Perhaps I shouldn’t say it here.”
“I think this is as good a place as any. Nobody is paying attention to our words,” he pointed out. “They’re watching us, but they can’t hear us. Say what’s on your mind.”
She nodded slowly. “All right,” she agreed.
And she rose up on her toes and whispered in his ear.
He drew back and stared at her in stunned amazement.
“I told you you would be shocked.” Her cheeks grew bright red.
And he was. But at the same time, he could see what she meant about this item being the easiest one on her list so far. It would require no outside help to do it. There needn't be any sneaking around or deception. It would require five minutes alone in his house.
That could be done.
She was right about something else, too. What she had said about this item requiring more trust than anything they’d done so far…that was accurate. Could he really put this much faith in her? Could he really take this risk?
But I did promise her that we would complete her list. That’s all she’s asking for here—what was promised. I can give her that much.
“All right,” he told her, hoping strongly that he wasn’t going to live to regret this. “I may be out of my mind, but…we’ll do it.”