Chapter Eleven
Serena’s hand trembled as she set down the quill beside the wedding registry, on which her signature still glistened with fresh, wet ink. The wedding, much like the planning thereof, was nothing but a blur, something she wasn’t even sure she would remember by the end of the day. She had only come out of her mental fog as the vicar had proclaimed that Rowan, who now wore an inscrutable mask, was free to kiss his bride.
His lips had been cold and clinical, which she supposed should have come as no surprise. She realized only then that she had secretly hoped for a sudden change in the temperature of Rowan’s demeanor, that he would become warm and cordial all at once and offer her reassurance that she hadn’t just made the biggest mistake of her life.
“May I introduce the duke and duchess of Dalenwood,” the vicar said, smiling with ignorant bliss at the newlyweds. Serena barely suppressed a shudder as the foreign title settled heavily on her shoulders. She had been prepared to take on a new noble title her entire life. But now that she was a duchess, and to a duke who was barely polite to her, it seemed like the most cumbersome role in the world. And to make matters worse, her new mother-in-law would hardly look at her. Or at her son, for that matter.
The pair led the way to the dining room, wearing matching polite smiles as they accepted the congratulations of their family and close friends. Everyone made their way to their seats, while Rowan and Serena stood at theirs, which were expectedly side by side, until all their guests were seated. The wedding breakfast, which had been meticulously prepared by Imogen, began.
It was a bittersweet affair for Serena. On one hand, she was surrounded by the people she loved most in the world. Everyone was smiling and laughing, and unlike her wedding and the preparations, it looked almost exactly like she had always imagined. But on the other hand, the man sitting next to her was practically a stranger with whom she now just happened to share a last name. He was not in love with her, nor she with him. And every bit of her being told her that they would never be so much as friends.
“This is a lovely feast,” Rowan said suddenly, startling Serena from her brooding.
Serena looked at him, forcing another friendly smile.
“It certainly is,” she said. “Aunt Imogen outdid herself with all the arrangements.”
Rowan nodded, his smile not reaching his eyes.
“She seems to have an impeccable eye for details and planning,” he said.
Serena nodded, glancing at her aunt. Imogen was engaged in conversation with Olivia, and her heart sank a little. The two women were smiling, and she wished that she could share in their merriment. Instead, she was forced to sit through interactions with her new husband that were, at best, polite exchanges and do her best not to look as though she was completely miserable.
“She does, indeed,” she said.
Rowan nodded, and silence fell between them again. To Serena, the emotional distance between Rowan and her could not be wider, and her unspoken questions rang louder than the conversations happening around the newlyweds. She desperately wished she could understand why the duke had chosen her, and why everything had had to happen so quickly. But their guests were looking to them to uphold the proper decorum at their wedding feast. And any perceived contention between them would be noticed with scrutiny. They had to appear every bit the happy, content newlyweds their guests expected. Otherwise, the scandal sheets would be filled with rumors about them the very next day. And for countless days to follow.
Serena managed to catch Olivia’s eye as she looked up from her conversation with Imogen. Olivia’s eyes flickered with concern, and Serena shot her a glance of desperate pleading. Olivia needed no explanation or guidance. She gave Imogen a nod, turning to face the newlyweds from the other side of the table.
“Serena, I simply must tell you what I saw the other day,” she said, smiling brightly at the couple. “I know you remember Rose, the biggest gossip in the circle of friends that Diana keeps. Well, she apparently got dressed in pure darkness last week, because she was wearing a red dress, a yellow hat and brown slippers. She was holding her head high, but her cheeks were redder than the cotton of her dress.”
Serena giggled despite herself. She shook her head, thinking of the red-headed woman about whom Olivia spoke. The young lady was easily one of the rudest and nastiest in the ton. It served her right to be so humiliated by her own hand in public.
“Did she try to explain why?” she asked.
Olivia nodded, her smile turning impish.
“She did,” she said. “But she was with three other ladies that day, all of whom seemed to have gotten different versions of the story. Thus, they all gave four separate excuses as to why Rose would look so ridiculous.”
Serena smiled again. It felt nice to feel genuine happiness, however fleeting, as Olivia launched into another similar story about a rogue marquess who had a penchant for losing his clothing in gambling bets. Her lighthearted stories were a much-needed reprieve from the strain and pressure Serena was feeling. However, the relief was short-lived. Movement from the corner of her vision caught her attention.
Serena looked up to see her father, from the other end of the table, looking directly at her. She hadn’t spoken more than a few words to her father since the day he told her that she was to marry Rowan, and she froze under his gaze. But his eyes didn’t look cold or distant any longer. In fact, they looked filled with a guilt and remorse to rival that with which he looked at her that day in his study.
To her surprise, he held her gaze, rather than breaking it immediately, as he had during the days leading up to the announcement of her betrothal. His lips twitched, but she knew it wasn’t with a smile. He initially looked proud, but regret was quickly swallowing all positive emotions that had flickered on his face. She looked away from him, still upset with him for having forced her marriage onto her. She could have forgiven him immediately if he had just told her what led him to such a decision. But since he still avoided her questions, both spoken and not, she could barely stand to look at him.
The festivities ended at last, and Serena was both relieved and uncomfortable. She was glad to finally be able to stop pretending that she was happy to appease their guests. But it also meant that she would be spending her first night in a new home with a new husband who did not seem to even wish to look at her. And the emotional farewells to Julian and Imogen were the hardest for her.
With his brow furrowed and the guilt still apparent in his eyes, Julian gave Serena a gentle kiss on her forehead, showing the love and support that Serena knew he wished to express.
“Thank you, Julian,” she said. “I love you more than all the world.”
Julian nodded, blinking back tears as he stepped aside.
“And I love you, dear sister,” he said.
Imogen threw her arms around her niece, kissing her on both her cheeks.
“I love you, darling,” she said, looking at Serena with unshed tears in her eyes. “I know you will excel as a duchess. You will be happy, Niece. Everything will be just fine, you’ll see.”
Serena nodded, pulling away from her aunt. But as she did so, she knew what Imogen said was not true. She could never find any form of happiness in a marriage she never wanted, with a man who would never want her.
As she stepped heavy-hearted into a carriage that waited for her and Rowan outside her family’s townhouse, she realized that they were getting in it alone. Rowan’s mother, sister and brother-in-law had gone ahead of them, leaving them unchaperoned. Serena had to remind herself that since they were married now, there was no need for her to be monitored in the company of Rowan. And as the carriage pulled away, taking her out of view of her family and her childhood home, the weight in her heart made it ache. She was now truly alone with her new husband, and the thought was suffocating.
She thought she could handle the silence during the trip to her new home. But it did not take long for the silence to become overwhelming, carrying more tension than a bitter argument would. She pressed her hands into her lap for as long as she could bear it. But at last, she huffed, turning to him, deciding to make the most of the time they had alone.
“Why did you marry me?” she asked. She was still riddled with her nervousness. But she was also determined to figure out why she had found herself married to a duke she had met less than a fortnight prior. “Of all the unwed young women in the ton, why did you choose me?”
Rowan met her gaze, and she firmly held it. She stared at him to show him that she had no intention of letting go of the matter. He didn’t flinch under her scrutiny, but something flickered in his eyes, something that was new, but completely unreadable to her. She tried to focus on it to see if she could determine what it was. But it was gone too quickly, and his ever calm, ever cool expression returned.
“It was an arrangement, Serena,” he said. “The terms and reasons for which are not something with which you need to concern yourself.”
Serena narrowed her eyes. She would not be deterred. And as they continued to stare at each other, there was another flash of something behind the calm waters of his hazel eyes. This time, it was emotion, and it was far more profound than that which would be tied to a mere arrangement.
“There’s more to it than that, isn’t there?” she asked, her heart pounding. She didn’t care how hard she had to press. She would get her answers one way or another.
Rowan did not look away, but his mouth closed as his lips pressed into a thin line. He thought he should continue keeping secrets from her. And she refused to allow it.
“I deserve to know the truth, Rowan,” she continued. “I am your wife now, and I will not be kept in the dark about matters which so deeply affect my life. I did not get a choice in this situation. You did. And I wish to know why you decided to change my life so drastically, of all the women’s lives you could have altered.”
Rowan’s jaw tightened, and at last he looked away from her. The silence stretched between them as Serena waited impatiently for any response from her aloof husband. But it quickly became clear that she would not get anything more from him.
“Rowan, at least look at me,” she said, hating that her voice sounded more pleading now than demanding.
But Rowan did not look away from the window, nor did an answer to her questions come. She could feel the chasm between them grow, being filled with a gulf of secrets that threatened to swallow them both whole. And Serena knew that she could not prevent such engulfment alone. If Rowan refused to so much speak to her, he would certainly never help her close the rift between them. What was she to do?