Chapter 11
“Oh, Sophia…” Helena was already starting to cry, and she had to pause and wipe the tears from her eyes before continuing. “You look heavenly.”
“Divine,” Anna agreed. “Like a princess from a fairytale.”
“Who would have guessed.” Helena took her arm and stepped beside her. “To think, all those years ago…” She laughed. “The League of Untamed Hearts. How foolish we were.”
“Speak for yourself,” Anna snorted.
Helena looked at her flatly. “Is now the time, Anna? I mean, really.”
The League of Untamed Hearts was a social club that Sophia, Helena, Anna, and a few of their other friends had once been involved in. It had started as a joke when they were young girls, conjured from the belief that none of them ever wished to marry. And that none of them ever would.
The ‘club’ had since disbanded, as many of them were now married, Helena included. The older the young women grew, the more they seemed to realize that marriage was not the prison they had all envisioned, and that there was even an upside to such things.
I just wish that I knew what that upside was.
In truth, Sophia had never been as ardent a supporter of the Untamed Hearts as some of the other women had been.
While she had not yearned for marriage, she had always accepted that it would happen one day.
And with that in mind, she had hoped that the man who she was forced to wed would be someone she cared for, trusted, and wanted to spend her life with.
More than that, she had at least assumed that she would know her future husband. And that he would know her.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” Sophia said softly, almost as if she hoped her friends would not hear her.
“What?” Helena asked immediately. “Sophia, what do you mean by that?”
“Oh, should we make a run for it?” Anna asked with humor. “Out the back door before it is too late?”
“Anna!” Helena cried.
“I am joking.”
“Is now the time?”
Anna was indeed joking, Sophia knew. And even if she was not, it was far too late to consider running. Not that Sophia was the type who would ever do such a thing.
The day of her wedding was here, she was in a spare room of the church, waiting until she was called to walk down the aisle. Her dress was on, her make-up was ready, and all that was left to her was that final action needed… the act of giving herself to the Duke for the rest of her days.
She had done well to control her pesky emotions until now too.
All week, Sophia had suffocated them, pressing down the doubt until she could hardly hear its call.
The wedding was happening, and there was nothing to be done.
In fact, she was not sure that she wanted it to stop – she was still committed to the dream that the Duke had sold her.
But as she looked at her dress, as she pictured her future, as she heard the small crowd gathering in the church’s nave, the fear and the trepidation grew stronger.
Why can I not escape the feeling that I have made a horrible mistake?
“This marriage is a sham,” she found herself saying as she looked at her reflection. “It is an utter sham. I should not… this whole thing… what was I thinking?”
“A sham?” Helena took her hand. “Whatever do you mean?”
“It is just nerves,” Anna agreed. “It will pass.”
“She is right,” Helena was sure to add. “I felt the same way on my wedding day. And look at me now. As happy as could be?”
Anna snorted. “Let us not use your marriage as an example.”
“And what does that mean?”
“Only that it did not get off to the best start,” Anna defended.
“It is not how it started, but where it finished,” Helena snapped.
“If anything, that should give Sophia hope.” She looked hopefully at Sophia.
“I know you are nervous. I know you think this is a mistake. But trust me, Sophia, marriage is a most wonderful thing and should you want it, you and the Duke will be happy together. I know it.”
Her stomach twisted with the guilt of the lies she had been forced to tell. Even her best friends did not know the truth of this marriage, fed the same lies as the rest of the ton in the hopes that the lie would be bought.
But as Sophia tried to swallow her fear, she looked between her friends and felt herself breaking. She needed their advice like she never had before. She needed them to tell her that this wasn’t a terrible mistake.
“I have lied to you,” she said softly, speaking into her chest. “About… about everything.”
“What do you mean?” Helena asked. “Lied how?”
She looked at them with desperation. “The Duke and I are not in love. We hardly know one another!” She winced and looked away.
“This marriage, it is not a love match. It is not even a business decision made by my father. It is a lie, done for reasons that I thought made sense but now struggle to understand. I don’t… I don’t…” Her chin began to wobble.
“There, there.” Helena took her hand and pulled her into a hug. “Do not cry. You will ruin your make-up.”
“The Duke has to marry,” she blubbered, trying to keep the tears away. “Something to do with his inheritance. And he asked me to be his bride because…” She laughed bitterly. “I don’t even know.”
“Because he likes you,” Helena said.
“No.” Sophia pulled away. “If anything, it is the opposite. He thinks I am boring. That I am too proper. He married me not because he wants me, but because he wants to see if he can corrupt me, or something to that effect.”
“Corrupt you how?”
“He seemed to think that I was unhappy, just as he seemed to think that marriage to him would make me happy. Freedom, he called it. This is a marriage of convenience, and once we are wed, we will be little more than strangers living together. This whole thing…” She threw up her hands. “It is a mistake.”
Anna and Helena looked at one another, their concern evident.
“Sophia…” Anna took her hand again. “If that is the case, why did you say yes?”
Sophia scoffed. “I wish I knew.”
“But you do know,” Anna pressed on her. “There must have been a reason.”
“I…” Sophia hesitated as she considered her answer. “I suppose I was excited by what he offered. He promised me freedom, from everything. That once we married, I could do as I wished, act as I pleased, be the person my parents never allowed. And it sounded like a nice idea at the time…”
“Is it not still?” Anna asked. “What has changed?”
Sophia frowned. “I just told you. I do not know him.”
“So?” Anna shrugged. “You did not say yes because you knew him. You said yes because you wanted this so-called freedom, no? And so long as he offers it still, what is there to worry about?”
“Anna!” Helena hissed. “You are not helping.”
“I am!” Anna cried. “Sophia, do you love His Grace?”
“What? No,” Sophia said.
“And do you wish that you did?” she followed up.
Sophia frowned… and then she smiled, suddenly understanding what her friend was saying. “Of course not. I don’t think he wants such a thing.”
“What does he want?”
She shook her head and sighed. “A marriage of convenience only. As he said, I am free to do what I wish, once we are wed.”
“This is a good thing.” Anna pulled her hand into her chest. “I know it does not seem that way but try and see it as such. As I see it, going into a marriage where you are not expected to fall in love certainly removes a lot of pressure. More than that, it gives you the freedom to care only about yourself. What could be better than that?”
“It’s not much of a marriage then,” Helena muttered.
“Exactly,” Anna grinned. “You have a chance to live your life how you want it. You truly will be free, Sophia. And the Duke cannot stop you!” Her eyes were wide with excitement. “You are an Untamed Heart.”
Sophia thought to roll her eyes at her friend, but she stayed the action, replacing it with a smile that she did not mean to share.
Anna is correct. This marriage is not a life sentence, but a blessing, and I should see it that way. I need to see it that way.
So what if the Duke did not care for her? So what if they were strangers? Was that not the entire point? And so long as nothing changed, Sophia had every reason to look forward to what her life might bring.
Smiling now, she turned and looked at herself a final time in the mirror. She wore a golden gown, her hair out in ringlets, and her milky skin glistened in the light. She looked beautiful, radiant and, most of all, she looked free.
The Duke was everything he said, so she had no reason to think he would change his mind. And so long as nothing changed between them, this marriage would stay as promised.
And what reason will there possibly be for things to change? None that she could think of, that was for sure. Yes, this marriage was a good idea, and Sophia had to believe it. Her life was not over, but just starting anew, and she would be ready for whatever came her way.
The old Sophia was dead, and it was time she accepted the fact.