Chapter 17
Sophia woke the following morning with a headache that defied belief. Her head felt like it might split in two, and her stomach felt as if it was about to burst open. She groaned as she rolled over, and it took her longer than it should have to remember what occurred the night before.
When it did…
Oh no…
Her eyes shot open and panic swept through her. She started to sweat. She started to squirm. And she prayed that the hangover was worse than it felt, so it might put her out of her misery and save her the embarrassment that was sure to come.
“Good morning!” Mary swept into the room. “How did you sleep, Your Grace?”
“Horribly.”
“Wonderful,” Mary hummed as she went to the curtains. “Shall you be having a bath, or would you like to break your fast first?”
Neither, was what Sophia wished to say. She wanted to spend all day in bed and hide from her husband. She wondered if perhaps he was so drunk that he could not remember the previous evening, but she doubted it. Likely, he remembered it perfectly, and if that was the case…
No. There is no need to feel embarrassed or awkward. Nothing happened between us. Nothing even came close to happening. Likely, it is all in your head, but if you hide up here, he will know that something is wrong.
With little real choice in the matter, Sophia dragged herself from her room and waded downstairs. Time to face the actions of her consequences.
It was as she walked that she tried to reason with herself.
Last evening wasn’t nearly the travesty that she had first assumed.
It wasn’t as if she had said anything she should feel ashamed of.
Nor had she acted on impulse. She and Gabriel had just talked, that was all, honestly and openly for the first time.
Yes, there was a moment toward the end where things had felt a little strange between them, but it couldn’t have been that bad.
Then why does it feel as if it was even worse than that?
Sophia knew the answer, of course, and she was just starting to reckon with it when she arrived at the breakfast room to find her husband sitting at the head of the table. He was dressed in a smart suit, his hair was combed, his face clean shaven, and the sight of him took her breath away.
Despite what she wanted to believe about her feelings for Gabriel, Sophia knew in her heart of hearts that last night had changed everything. She was starting to develop feelings for her rogue husband and, if her instincts were correct, he was developing them for her too.
“Go – good morning,” she stammered as she walked into the room.
He looked up, saw her skulking, and smiled. “Sophia, I was wondering how you might be feeling today. In truth, I am surprised to see you awake so early.”
She winced. “I do not usually drink that much.”
“Clearly,” he chuckled.
It was only then that she realized how she must look. Still in her shift, her hair a mess, her eyes sunken, her skin a pasty sheen of grey, she likely looked like a ragged ghost. And while she should not have cared… she found that she did.
“I…” She moved to cover herself. “I think I might have a bath. I…” Awkward laughter. “I likely look a fright.”
“Not at all.” His eyes worked over her body, and she tried to cover herself further. “But it is not a matter…” Then, he pushed back his chair and stood. “I am done, so you have the room to yourself.”
“You are?” she blurted.
“I have business in London,” he explained. “I expect to be out all day.”
“Oh…” Her heart sank, and she hated that it did. “Will you be back for supper?”
“I am not sure.” He smiled once, then put his head down and walked right by her without another word said.
And there Sophia stood, feeling like a darn fool, while knowing too that last night had not been in her head.
There had been a moment that passed between them, a hint at something more than what was promised in this marriage.
The Duke had clearly felt it, spurned it, and was now doing everything he could to snuff it out before it risked growing worse.
While this should have relieved Sophia, she knew deep down that it did not. She did not want to develop feelings for Gabriel, she was determined not to, but they were there now, she could not escape them, and to say otherwise would make her a liar.
The following week was far harder than Sophia could have possibly imagined.
She spent it alone, or at least it felt as if she was.
From sunrise to sunset, Gabriel was sure to leave the manor, always stating that he had ‘business’ to attend to, leaving Sophia to walk the empty halls of the manor as she contemplated how she had fallen so far, and in such a short amount of time
Sophia should not have cared that Gabriel was avoiding her.
She should have been glad for the fact – this was what was promised to her, and what she wanted.
But as the week stretched on, she continued to think back to that singular night, and her heart literally pained her as if it was trying to mock her sadness.
He wants nothing to do with me, and I know that now for fact. Perhaps it is a good thing, that things have turned out this way? Despite being married, Gabriel and I could never have worked, so why wish for the impossible?
She started to revert to her old self. The freedom that she had sought no longer appealed to her, and she found herself missing her old life.
Dammit, at least that had been easy. She might not have had a choice in the things that she did, but at least she was told what to do and how to feel about it.
Now… now she was lost and had no idea how she might find herself again.
It was a relief one week in when Anna sent her a letter, inviting her to a famous tea salon in the heart of London. It was a chance to dress up, to get out of the house, and to spill her heart to her best friend so that she might be given some much-needed advice.
Of course, as this was Sophia’s current life, things were nowhere near that simple.
She arrived on time, dressed in a fashionable gown, her hair done up, her face painted. She walked inside and found Anna waiting for her, where she beamed and waved and started across the busy room. That was when she saw him…
It was Gabriel, and he wasn’t alone.
Sophia started and nearly tripped. Her entire being revolted, her stomach rose, and she thought she might be sick. He told her that he had business to deal with today, but he was sitting with a young lady whom Sophia recognized, but only because she had heard about her through others.
“Sophia?” Gabriel saw her gawking, just as she saw the passing of fear behind his eyes; akin to a dog found in the house when it knew it should have been outdoors. “What are you doing here?”
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish trying to breathe air.
“Ah, this is Her Grace…” The woman whom Gabriel was with purred and then tittered. “It is so nice to finally put a face to the name.”
Her name was Lady Clarissa Harwood. She was tall for a woman, long bodied, with a longer face. But she was regal looking, somehow delicate and strong all in one, with piercing green eyes, full lips, and curves to her body that made Sophia want to turn and run and never look back.
“Y – yes,” she stammered stupidly. “That’s me.”
“I had no idea you would be here.” Gabriel was out of his seat and coming for her. There were a dozen small tables in the salon, and he stepped around them quickly, nearly tripping on his way. “If I had known…”
“It is fine,” she lied, pulling herself together. “I am here to meet a friend.” She looked through the salon where Anna sat in a state of shock.
“Lady Clarissa Harwood,” the stunning woman purred as she approached. “I am sure you have heard of me.”
Sophia had heard of her through reputation. And if that reputation spoke true, then she and Gabriel had once been lovers… still were, by the looks of things.
“It is nice to meet you,” Sophia somehow managed.
“As it is you,” Lady Clarissa said with humor. “His Grace has been telling me all about you, and it is so nice to see if the kind things he says live up to the hype. In this instance…” Her eyes flashed over Sophia, and she produced a coy smile. “I am not so sure.”
Sophia lurched. The room turned around her. Gabriel looked caught in two worlds. And not thinking, barely able to stand, she turned and fled the salon without a second word.
“Sophia!” he called after her.
She stumbled through the front door, the sun blinding her, the noises from the street deafening her senses. She looked around, not sure where she was going or what she meant to do. And it was because she took a moment too long that a hand suddenly snatched her arm.
“Let me go!” she wrenched her arm free.
“It is not what it looks like,” Gabriel said, puffing and out of breath.
“I don’t… I don’t care what it looks like,” she said. “Isn’t that the point? You are free to do as you wish, and so am I. Why should I care about anything.”
Gabriel sighed and shook his head. “We are just friends.”
“I did not ask.”
“I am telling you nonetheless,” he said sharply. “Lady Clarissa is a friend, we are meeting for business reasons, and that is all.” Then he took a step back and looked at her closely. He furrowed his brow, he tilted his head, and a smile touched his lips. “There is no need to be jealous.”
“I am not jealous!” she cried.
“You are,” he said rightly. “Lady Clarissa and I have a past, but that’s all we have. A past that I have no intention of revisiting, Sophia. Ever.”
She looked away. “I told you that I do not care.”
“Care or not,” he pressed on her. “You deserve to know it. I should have told you about today, and I am sorry that I did not. But please, do not read too much into this. You are my wife, Sophia, and…” He hesitated and she dared to look at him, surprised by how nervous he suddenly was. “And that means something.”
Her heart skipped a beat. “Really?”
“Yes,” he said. “Really. Now, I am going back inside, but only because Lady Clarissa’s business is one that I cannot afford to lose. Before I do, I need to know, are you well? Are you… do you understand what I have told you?”
Sophia should not have cared. Dammit, she did not want to!
But the sight of her husband with another woman had torn her apart, and being told now that it meant nothing stitched her back together.
She did not want to care for her husband, she did not want to feel anything for him, but the truth was impossible to ignore, and she was just about ready to accept it.
How did it come to this? How did I allow myself to… that’s the problem with change, isn’t it? You never know who you are going to change into.
“I do.” She smiled, making sure he saw the truth of it in her eyes. “Will I see you at home later?”
“You will,” he said. “For supper, if you’ll have me.”
“That will be nice.”
They shared a smile, and it was the first time all week that the awkwardness and tension that surrounded them wasn’t there. It felt genuine and real, as if Gabriel was finally willing to accept what she herself knew to be true.
“I will see you then.” Another smile and he walked back inside.
Sophia stayed on the street, basking in the sun, radiating its warmth like she had not done all week. Her mood soared, her loneliness vanished, and once again she found this marriage to be full of surprises.
For once, these surprises were the good kind. For once, she liked what she saw and could not wait to see what might come next.