Atonement
Alex
Ididn’t know how long I remained sitting on the cold floor of the lavatory, dripping and smelling of lye soap. When I stood up, my legs trembled, and my chest was empty. Not even anger or thirst remained. I was truly alone.
Irene’s disappointed expression haunted me. If she hadn’t stopped me, I would have killed Graves, adding a new fracture to my soul, as the mirror showed me.
I’d never drunk anyone dry. I’d killed to defend myself or Darius, but never by using the thirst. Killing Graves would have scarred me forever. Once again, Irene had saved me, and I’d yelled at her.
After I donned clean clothes, I went to see Graves. Cara ambushed me in the corridor. My power wasn’t fully leashed, and the sound of her heartbeat hummed at a high-pitched tone that unnerved me.
She swayed her hips as she walked over to me. Her raven hair fell to her waist. “I didn’t thank you.”
“For what?”
“For saving me from Logan.”
I waited to see if she was making fun of me. Cara admitting she’d needed help? That was a tale I would never believe.
“You’re welcome.” I resumed walking, but she wasn’t finished.
“I should return the favour.”
“It’s unnecessary.”
She stopped close to me. “I can make your fears go away in a moment. Like this.” She snapped her fingers.
I knew better than to make a deal with the witch. She always required a price for her gifts, and the price meant losing something extremely precious, from a limb to a loved one.
“I don’t need anything.”
It was a good thing that her charming spells didn’t work on undead people.
“Let me give you a peek into what I can do.”
The corridor blurred, and a vision of me laughing with Irene in my arms filled my mind. I was holding her, and she rested her head on my chest before kissing me with a passion I’d dreamt of. The vision was so beautiful it was painful to watch.
“I know your heart.” She sounded sweet and caring. “Your infirmity prevents you from touching or being touched. You hate this condition. You’re in deep pain. I feel sorry for you.”
I said nothing. I wouldn’t fall for her fake compassion.
“Imagine what it would mean for you to hold and kiss Irene, to be free from the pain. You would be stronger than you are now.”
“What do you want, Cara?” I resigned myself to having this conversation. “You would never offer me help if you didn’t want something in return.”
“I don’t want anything. It’s magic that requires a price, not me.”
“And what would the price be in my case?” I asked, curious despite myself.
She lifted a shoulder. “It’s impossible to say. The magic decides.”
“I’m not interested.”
“If you change your mind, Your Grace,” she hissed the last word, “I’ll be happy to help you.”
The vision of Irene and me together flashed again, and I had to admit it was a beautiful vision.
Cara swept into view. “It could be your future.” She wriggled her fingers before leaving.
I swallowed hard, yearning for that vision to come true. But no. Cara was a deceiver. Her promises were a lie. I kept repeating that to myself before I knocked on Grave’s door.
Myrtha’s voice came. “Come in.” She glowered when I entered.
Graves was resting in his bed, pale and worn, but breathing. Myrtha ignored me.
“How is he?”
“Do you care?”
I reined in my temper. “Is he going to die?”
“I’m not a healer. Darius took care of him, and I’m here to make sure Graves is breathing.” She shook her head. “I kill men, and I have no sympathy for werewolves, but even I wouldn’t have killed him. He dared to challenge you, but draining him in front of everyone didn’t earn you any respect.”
“I didn’t ask to be preached to.”
“That’s a shame because you need to. This is the Dark Court, not a street gang where the strongest one is the cruellest.”
“I didn’t kill him though.”
She shot up. “Because Irene stopped you. You should thank her for having saved your neck because if you’d killed Graves, you would be facing a riot right now.”
Damn. I gnashed my teeth. “I’m aware of that.”
She waved me off. “You are the duke. You can’t think only of yourself.”
That stung more than I would care to admit.
“What you said earlier,” I said, “about me being the reason Irene almost died, is true. If I’d confided in others, Irene wouldn’t have been stabbed.”
“I understand that you don’t trust anyone.” She sighed. “I’m the same, but I’m not responsible for an entire court.”
I swallowed my bitter pride. “I’ll ponder your words.”
“Good.”
Before leaving, I paused. “When Graves wakes up, tell him Knight has already fulfilled his side of the bargain.”
As I walked towards Irene’s room, my temper deflated with each step. Everything Myrtha had said was correct, but I didn’t know how to make people trust me when I didn’t trust them.
It took me a few attempts before knocking on her door and opening it.
Irene was reading in a chair close to the window, her gaze cold. “Are you calm now?”
I shut the door behind me and sat in front of her. “I am.” I paused, trying to find the right words. “Killing Graves would have been a mistake. My secret is out, and killing him wouldn’t have changed that.”
“I agree.”
“And you were right about my soul.” My reflection flickered in the mirror. It was less sharp. “I risked becoming a rogue.”
She didn’t seem pleased with my confession. “Killing Graves would have destroyed you.”
“I’m sorry. Thank you for stopping me in time. I hope…” Emotion clogged my throat.
“What?”
“I hope you’ll stay with me,” I whispered.
I groaned inwardly at the way I’d shortened a rather long speech about how much I needed to hold her and wished I could take back the harsh words I’d said. I wanted to change for her, to be a man she might be proud of having by her side.
“I’ll stay.” Her light brightened the room.
Now more than ever, I needed to overcome my fear. There was nothing I desired more than to hold her hand or kiss her, as in the vision.
Her dressing gown left her slender neck bare. The steady pulse in her jugular vein held me captive. More than drinking her blood, I wished to kiss her soft skin and feel her pulse against my lips.
When I lifted my gaze, I met hers. She stared at me, likely knowing what I was thinking.
She pulled apart the lapels of her dressing gown, exposing her neck in an offering. The tiniest lift of her skin was visible over her vein.
She reclined her head, exposing her neck further. “I’ll remain very still.”
I covered the short distance between us in one stride. She didn’t look at me, and I was glad of that. She would see anticipation and indecision in my gaze.
For the first time as I stared at her perfect neck, I didn’t want to feed but to give her pleasure.
I dipped my head slowly and inhaled her flowery scent. The warmth of her body caressed my cheeks.
The thirst reared its head out of indulgence because I wasn’t thirsty, and I didn’t want to sink my fangs into her flesh. She was so still as to rival a statue.
I pressed my lips against the swift kick of her vein, and a dozen sensations hit me at the same time. Her silkiness, warmth, and sweet scent brought sheer pleasure to my chest, even though I didn’t want to feed from her. No pain or nausea rocked me. I was shocked and grateful at the same time.
Her heart raced, and her pulse beat a rhythm against my lips. A flush crept over her neck and cheeks, but she gripped the armrests with strength, her chest rising and falling quickly.
Visions of the feverish bodies squashing me in the overcrowded hospital and memories of the pain slicing my skin broke the flow of pleasure, but I pushed them down.
We were forever changed. There was no going back after that.
“I thought you were going to bite me.” She put a hand on her neck.
“Did you want me to?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation in her reply.
“I won’t bite you unless you are sure about it.”
She sat on the bed in a froth of silk and stretched out her arm.
The invitation was everything I’d always wanted, wrapped in a dream. The idea of holding her hand made me tremble with anticipation.
She flicked her fingers, inviting me again. “You have no aura, but I understand how you feel. Stop thinking about your fear. Stop thinking that you aren’t a good man because you are. Come and sit next to me.”
I did as I was told, for once not stiff or tense. The warmth from her body stroked my skin, and our bond vibrated softly. Her lovely lips parted, and the only thing I could think about was kissing her.
I inched closer and paused. She tilted her head, a little sigh escaping her. Anticipation, not fear, made me quiver. I pressed my lips gently against hers. A sense of triumph excited me. I was kissing Irene.
Cara’s vision had lied. Kissing Irene wasn’t like it’d shown me, but a hundred times better. Our connection heated as I traced the seam of her lips with my tongue. We both groaned in pleasure.
She opened her mouth, and I slid my tongue past her lips. A hint of pain edged the back of my mind, but I ignored it. Our tongues danced together, caressing, exploring, and teasing. Each time they touched, my heart burst with happiness.
With this kiss, Irene was annihilating years of pain and fear.
I touched her cheek and traced the delicate curve of her jaw. “You’re the light chasing away my darkness.”
She flashed the brightest smile I’d ever seen. It was pure joy for my loneliness. “They coexist side by side. One can’t exist without the other.”
She turned her hand palm up, and I covered it with my own. Shivers took hold of me, but I laced my fingers through hers. I wasn’t sure how long I would resist, but that perfect moment of happiness was the flame of a candle defying the darkness.