Chapter 1
“Miss,” the housekeeper said in a soft voice, “your mother wishes to see you.”
Margaret knew what her mother was going to say long before she arrived. Even so, her pulse raced as she approached the drawing room. The subject matter was of no surprise to her, but the suddenness of it all stole her breath from her.
“Maggie?” her sister Poppy asked when they saw one another in the hallway. “Are you well?”
Margaret pushed a dark lock of hair behind her ear, fixing a smile hurriedly. Her sisters were unaware of the circumstances, and she needed to keep it that way.
“Yes, of course, Sister. Mama wishes to see me, that is all, and I do not wish to keep her waiting.”
“You never do,” she chuckled. “I wish that I was half as good a daughter as you, sometimes.”
She hurried on, and Margaret hoped that she would not then also see Emily, for if she did then her two younger sisters would undoubtedly speak of their encounters and compare them.
Fortunately, she reached the drawing room unscathed. She sat across from her mother with her gray eyes steady on her mother’s green ones. There was an undeniable stiffness to her, but she did soften for a brief moment.
“You look just like him, you know,” she said, her voice almost a whisper.
“It must not be the best reminder to receive,” Margaret replied.
“On the contrary. You know that I loved your father very much.”
It was true, but Margaret knew that she was not the preferred daughter.
Emily and Poppy were the true beauties of the three of them; blonde ringlets, bright green eyes, delicate little noses and slender figures.
It had never been a competition, and Margaret was grateful for that because she knew she could not compete with them.
“Are you well, Mama?” she dared to ask, and her mother sighed.
“I am not. Margaret, do you remember a conversation we had a year ago about our family?”
“Our situation?” she replied, knowing better than to say it outright.
“Indeed. Well, at the time, I knew that we were on borrowed time. That time has come to an end.”
Her heart pounded in her chest, her fingers drumming against her skirts in a vain attempt to calm herself. She wanted to keep herself steady, but there was no use in that when she knew what was coming. She would be the one to shoulder whatever burden was to come. She always had been.
“Your sister debuted last year,” her mother continued.
“You are now two-and-twenty, and you have no prospects, whereas your sisters are in their second and third seasons. They could build a life for themselves still, but you… Knowing that I can no longer support three daughters in society, sacrifices must be made by all of us.”
“All of us?” she echoed. “Then why am I the only one sitting here? If all three of us were to be affected, then surely they deserve to know too?”
“I can keep this from them a while longer, and I expect you to do the same. They can have their social season this year, albeit with smaller dowries. They are beautiful girls, and I have no doubt that with their accomplishments they will make their matches quickly enough. You, on the other hand, have never been impressed by a gentleman, and if we are honest and frank you know that even if you did find one, he would not…”
Her voice trailed off, and Margaret wondered if it was to take a breath given how quickly she had spoken. When she did not continue, however, Margaret knew that it was because she did not want to say what they were both thinking.
“He would not want me in return,” she finished for her. “I know.”
“And so,” her mother continued uneasily, “we must make other arrangements. I can only afford to have two of you out, and with you having the fewest prospects, it makes sense that–”
“That I stand aside. I know, and I am more than happy to do it.”
“Happy?”
“Accepting, perhaps, is more apt. The thing is, I know that you were warning me last year. I know that it was your attempt to tell me to lower my standards and take any offer that came my way. I did not do that, and so I must accept the consequences of that. It is a just punishment.”
“It is not a punishment, dear. I do not want you to think that this is because of anything that you have or have not done. It is simply how things have occurred, and there is no changing that.”
“Of course.”
“And I will not force you to marry, either. I am not cruel, and I know my daughter. There would be nothing worse for you than to be tied to a gentleman that you do not like, nor even know.”
Margaret brightened in an instant. That alone brought her comfort, for she had been so certain that that was what would happen to her.
There were several elderly gentlemen in society that were in want of a wife, ones that would not ask questions, and the fact that her mother had not considered that meant that she had to love her more than she had assumed.
“So I will remain a spinster?” she asked.
“Well… in a sense, yes I suppose that you will. You see, I am going to allow you a final year in our household in order to facilitate your sisters’ time out. After that, you shall have a choice to make. Either you will enter the convent, or–”
“The convent? Mama, surely you cannot expect me to be a nun?”
“It would not be so different from the life you lead now.”
“It would be completely different.”
“Then perhaps you might prefer your other option. You can accept a position as a companion, if that is preferable.”
She trembled once again. She had expected her mother to tell her that she would no longer attend events, and declare that she would never marry.
She would spend her life at home assisting her mother and her sisters until they married and that would be all.
She had not for a moment thought that she would be sent away.
“Do you hate me?” she asked quietly. “I know that I am not the daughter you wanted me to be, but this is not fair.”
“It is necessary. Your sisters will have to prove themselves worthy in last year’s fashions, and you will have to stand aside while they do so. I, meanwhile, shall have to bear the brunt of the shame that accompanies all of it. We are all making sacrifices.”
Margaret did not think that there was any equality at all when it came to what they were all losing, but she did not complain.
She never did, for she knew that she had to be grateful for what they did have.
They could have been in a far worse position than they were, and though she would have to give up her dreams, she would still be fortunate.
She would find a way to manage.
“I understand,” she said at last. “I am grateful to you for all that you do for us, Mother. We will find a way through this.”
“I knew you would see things clearly. I was afraid that we would have to have a nasty dispute, but I do not know why I ever doubted you. You have always been such a good girl.”
A non-argumentative girl, Margaret thought.
That was what her mother had always appreciated about her.
She did not argue, nor did she insist that she got her own way about anything at all.
It was not who she was, and not who she could ever be.
Her responsibility was to her sisters, and that had to remain.
“Thank you, Mama,” she replied at last. “For everything.”
It was easier not to tell her the truth.
However, there was no denying as she stood in her small bedroom looking out of her window that she was jealous.
She envied the other members of the ton, for they were able to belong to that world.They could attend balls in their finest gowns, spend evening after evening enjoying themselves completely, but she could not.
She would never dance again, never be courted, and of course she would never be chosen.
Her life, or at least the one she had always known, was over.
She was brought back to her senses by a knock on her door.
She straightened herself quickly and called out for them to enter.
It was Emily, who swept into the room with the scent of roses following her.
Her blonde hair was undone, tumbling down to her waist, and she was looking at Margaret with wide eyes.
Margaret feared that she had somehow learned the truth.
“Where were you at dinner?” she asked. “We missed you.”
“I– I was reading. I must have missed the call to go to the dining room.”
“I do hope you are not lying to me.”
“Of course not, Emily.”
Except, of course, she was. The truth was that she had been unable to face her sisters knowing what she had agreed to do.
They would not be told of it until it was already too late, for if they knew the truth then there was a chance that they would attempt to prevent it.
Nothing that they did would have made the slightest difference, and if anything it would have made it all worse, so it was for the best that they remained in the dark.
“Very well,” her sister accepted. “I was afraid that you had gotten nervous due to the upcoming season. Poppy thinks that you are growing weary of it.”
“I will not claim to enjoy being paraded around a ballroom as we are. I enjoy the evenings, but it does indeed grow wearisome attending events only to be…”
“What is it?”
“Only to be overlooked,” she finished. “And now, with two beautiful young ladies accompanying me, I shall not receive a second glance.”
“Oh, Margaret, you must not be so cruel to yourself! You have never been able to see your beauty. Besides, I offered to postpone my debut and you insisted that I entered society. It is hardly fair of you to say that now.”
It was not, and Margaret wished that she had encouraged her sister to wait after all.
If her mother could only have two daughters out, it could have been her.
She could have had one final chance to find a match for herself and done the very thing that she had been expected to do before. Everything would have been easier.
She scolded herself for thinking such a thing. Of all of the things she had done, clipping her sister’s wings was never going to be one of them.
“All will be well,” she promised her sister. “Even if things were not as they should be– which of course they are, I would not let anything happen to you.”
“I know, but Maggie, you should think of yourself too. I know that you want to be loved, even if you claim otherwise.”
“I do not claim otherwise. I am more than happy to be loved, but that does not mean that I will be. I am not the sort of lady who finds true love, not like yourself and Poppy.”
“I disagree, but then I often do.”
Margaret laughed softly at that, and then her sister left the room. She remained still for a moment, then looked out of her window once more. She would miss this life once it was gone.
But then she realized that her mother had given her one last chance. She would have one more evening, one more ball, and she would enjoy it if it killed her.