Chapter 24
Chapter Twenty-Four
Rose had spent the afternoon resting. That evening, she still wanted some peace and quiet, so she went to the library.
Perhaps it was for the best to keep her distance from Edmund for the time being. There had been enough moments to convince everyone that something was stirring between them, so when she eventually told people she was heartbroken, they would not question it.
She was perusing a shelf when she heard footsteps behind her. Familiar footsteps.
“I thought I might find you here,” Edmund said.
Rose’s head dipped, although she did not turn to face him.
“I thought I would take advantage of your fine library.”
“Yes, perhaps I should start a book club myself. A brandy and book club, although in that case we could probably do away with the books,” he said.
“It’s a fine collection you have.”
“Credit for that goes to my parents and my sisters. This is probably the room where I have spent the least time.”
“I will never understand your disdain for books. They are a source of great wisdom and knowledge.”
He reached past her and took a book from the shelf. Rose’s heart fluttered as his arm swept past. He opened the book and leafed through the pages.
“Think about how many hours it took the author to write this book, then think about all that he missed. All the sunsets and sunrises, the gatherings, the events, the meetings, the walks, the sun… all of it passing while he was hunched over his desk.”
“But he put his soul into this book. All writers do. Surely you can admire that.”
“Oh yes, but what use is a soul when it is not filled with life? Where is the joy?”
“He has left a legacy. His words will remain in print long after he is dead.”
Edmund chuckled at this and slammed the book shut, placing it back on the shelf.
“I shan’t think that’s much comfort to him. He can hardly enjoy the fruits of his legacy.”
“I never took you as a heretic. Do you not believe in eternal life?”
“I do, but that is in the realm of heaven, beyond this world. What good is a legacy like that going to do anyone? Memories and experiences—these are what truly matter.”
“In your opinion,” she said pointedly.
Edmund chuckled. “Is there any other that matters?”
Rose sighed and shook her head. “I really don’t know what to make of you, Edmund. In one moment, you are the perfect host and rushing into a muddy field to help a farmer with a goat, and in the next, you are quite insufferable.”
“Life would be boring if I were predictable.”
“Or perhaps it’s that you don’t know yourself yet.”
Edmund arched his eyebrow. “You are getting bold, Rose, and not just in playing Pall Mall. I wonder, though, if you are struggling with these feelings. Everyone expects so much of you, and you are trying to play the role well, but it is not quite suitable.”
“And I suppose you would know a lot about playing roles.”
“Indeed, I have been many things over the course of my life. But at least I have always been honest with myself. Can you say the same thing?”
“I am not sure to what you are referring,” Rose said, turning her head away slightly, trying to avoid the rush of heat that came to her cheeks. She could feel the weight of Edmund’s gaze upon her, and it was unsettling.
“I think you do know,” he said softly. “Just say the words, Rose. Tell me that you love me, and we can put an end to this charade.” He reached out to stroke her cheek, but she pushed his hand away and glared at him.
“That’s what all this is about, isn’t it?
This is just a game to you. Is that what you have set your heart on, making me love you?
Forcing me to break the vow I made to you at the beginning.
Well, it’s not going to happen. You can be kind, Edmund, but that is not all you are.
You toy with people, and it’s unfair. I do not appreciate being provoked like this. ”
“Then how would you like to be provoked?” he asked quickly, the words coming to him without thought.
Rose clenched her jaw and felt her ire rising.
He always seemed to find the perfect way to get under her skin.
She had to keep reminding herself that this was what he wanted, and if she gave in to him, then she would only be humoring him.
Rose took a deep breath and pulled another book off the shelf. She didn’t have any intention of reading it, but she flicked through the pages, wanting to show Edmund that he did not command her attention.
“I am sure that there are many women over the years who have fallen prey to your flattery and charm, but I shall not be one of them, at least not truly. Any hint of affection you sense from me is merely a means to an end. I plan to use this courtship to ensure that I shall never be married. I am not attracted to you, Edmund, not in the slightest,” she said, lying to herself, lying to him.
Her breath caught in her throat as he reached out and his warm, long fingers curled around her wrist. His thumb pressed against her pulse, and she wondered if he could feel it racing.
He stared at her and moved close, so close that the warmth of his breath brushed her cheeks.
The world started to tilt, and she was losing herself again.
“Not in the slightest?” he asked in a breathy whisper. His lips were parted, and they leaned into her, tempting and tormenting in equal measure. The air suddenly became hot, and her skin prickled. Her chest rose sharply. Her heart felt as though it was going to explode out of her chest.
“You should not be hiding in the library, not after your performance tonight. Everyone wants to speak to you after that bold shot. You are a daring woman, Rose, and I admire that. Perhaps if things were different… perhaps things can be different, if only for a moment.”
There was a yearning quality to his voice that left her quite unsteady.
The pressure on her wrist increased. He pulled her closer, and it was as though the world placed her on a slope and she was inexorably sliding toward him, unable to stop.
It seemed as though they were going to kiss, and there was nothing she could do about it.
There was a haze in her mind, and she lost all of her senses, but perhaps she could be bold and daring.
Perhaps she could throw caution to the wind just this once and take something that should have been forbidden…
…Until voices passed by the library and they immediately shook Rose out of this mad stupor. She pulled her hand away from Edmund. The book dropped to the floor, but she did not dare linger to pick it up.
She stared at him, unable to form any words.
She left the room, although she could not leave her feelings behind.