Chapter 10 #3
She had heard part of the discussion between Frances and Darius about her unsuitability to be his duchess.
She hadn’t meant to eavesdrop, but she had come down the stairs, ready to ride and couldn’t find either of them.
She’d gone to his study, assuming they might be there.
As she’d been about to open the door to see if Darius was inside, she’d overhead his conversation with Mrs. Petersham.
“She is not suitable… As much as she would make a perfectly suitable wife…a titled lady…a duchess, is another matter entirely…” Darius’s words had embedded in her chest like knives.
But she understood his concerns. That was the worst part of all.
What hurt her the most though…was that he hadn’t even given her a chance to prove his fears unfounded.
He had assumed she couldn’t survive his world.
He hadn’t even asked her what she thought about it.
He had instantly dismissed her as a marriage option.
“I’m sorry. I should not have asked,” Mr. Evers apologized. “I can tell it has upset you.”
“Please, do not apologize.” She looked around at the beautiful park spread out before them. It was such a lovely place to feel so crushed and without hope. “You are not the only one who believes he is interested in me. The situation is… complicated.”
“It wouldn’t be complicated for me. A man either loves you or he does not. If he loves you, he should claim you without hesitation.” Mr. Evers spoke as if that was the easiest thing to do.
Meredith turned to Mr. Evers. He was the epitome of a gentleman.
Well-dressed, well-behaved, sincere in his intentions and honest. He was handsome, easily everything she should want in a husband.
Yet she did not feel that inescapable pull toward him the way she had to Darius from the moment she met him.
“Mr. Evers, do you believe in lightning?”
He chuckled. “I suspect you are not asking me about the weather phenomenon but something else entirely?”
She smiled a little sadly. “You’re right. I speak of another type of lightning.”
Mr. Evers’s eyes softened. “Ah, that elusive type of lightning that blinds you to all others. I take it you have been struck, but not by me?” When she didn’t answer right away, he seemed to accept that as his answer.
“Ah, well. I had suspected as much. But I cannot understand what keeps him from claiming you. The way he’s been looking at me all afternoon, I feel confident in saying he wants you. ”
“It has to do with the matter of my birth, Mr. Evers. I have not yet been honest with you about that part of my life.” She swallowed hard and hoped that in confessing her truths to him, he would not turn away. She desperately needed a friend.
“Then tell me, my dear lady. You seem to be on the verge of tears, and such a thing would be my undoing.”
His kindness, not her history, were what brought tears to her eyes then.
“I come from no great family and have no money to my name. I’m illegitimate, and my parents have no special lineage to offset that stain. I am not the bastard child of a duke or an earl, just a gentleman who convinced my mother he was worth ruining her life over. He was not.”
“Ahh…I see.” Mr. Evers’s tone was solemn.
“While that may matter to some, a real man would not care. What matters is whether he loves the woman, whether his world is empty without her. I thought Tiverton was that sort of man, like me. But he has proved me wrong today, and it saddens me to admit it.” A cloud of disapproval shadowed Mr. Evers’s kind eyes as he glanced back at Darius.
“Please do not think ill of him. It is out of concern for me that he cannot act on his feelings. He fears that I cannot survive in his world because I will not be accepted by the ton. I know he isn’t wrong about them, I just…I had hoped he would have asked me if I was brave enough to try.”
Mr. Evers was quiet a long moment. Meredith tilted her head back, letting the dappled sunlight caress her face as they passed through a tunnel of towering trees.
She wished she could banish her dark thoughts with the beauty of her surroundings.
She had the sudden silly wish that she could transform into a tree, like a dryad from the old myths, and just be without fear, without shame.
“Society can be cruel, it is true. But Tiverton should have spoken to you about it. Your feelings deserve to be acknowledged. He should not have simply made an assumption as to the strength of your character.”
Meredith quite agreed, but deep down she also feared that perhaps Darius liked her, but did not believe love between them was possible.
Surely if he had loved her, he would have moved heaven and earth to be with her.
Perhaps she did not matter enough to him for him to fight for her.
He had only agreed that she would have been a suitable wife…
not a wife he wanted. And that hurt her more than anything else ever had in her life.
“Someday you will find a man who will fight for you, Miss Montague. Lightning can strike twice, I assure you.” Mr. Evers smiled at her, the warm expression so undeniably pleasant that despite her sorrows Meredith found herself smiling in return.
“Let us enjoy our ride then, and not think of marriage or other such concerns. Tell me, have you read Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein? ”
“Oh yes.” Meredith fell easily into an engrossing discussion on the shocking and captivating novel with Mr. Evers and was still animatedly discussing it with him when Darius rode up alongside them.
“It is late. We should go home now, Meredith.” Darius gave Evers a nod and a smile, though his expression was a bit cold.
“I would like to call upon you tomorrow, Miss Montague.” Mr. Evers said to her. His eyes said to her, you have a friend in me if nothing else.
“Thank you, Mr. Evers. I will be available for your call tomorrow.”
“Excellent.” He tipped his hat. “Then I shall take my leave. Mrs. Petersham. Your Grace.” He rode off down the path deeper in Hyde Park, his horse kicking up the dirt on the path to create a small cloud behind him.
“What a lovely gentleman,” Frances said. “Simply lovely.”
Darius made a low, disgruntled sound, but Meredith didn’t comment on it.
“Do we have a ball this evening?” Meredith asked.
“Yes, it is hosted by Lord and Lady Cavendish. They have a son, Gregory. Charming man.” Frances said. Now that she’d settled into Meredith’s life, she’d taken control of her social calendar with ease.
“Gregory is too young for you,” Darius interrupted abruptly. “He’s barely twenty-one, not much older than you are.”
“Oh?” Meredith challenged. “Must I marry an old man?”
Darius shot her a look of surprise. “What? No, that’s not what I said.”
“Then why can’t I marry someone close to my own age?”
Darius didn’t immediately answer. “It’s… it’s just that you deserve someone more established. Cavendish is still young and wild, running about London dallying in vices.”
“Is he?” Frances interjected with a tone of doubt.
“I heard that he is pushing to create a Royal Astronomical Society, although I imagine that effort will take years to see to fruition. It seems to me that a man bold enough to study the stars is not likely running about spending his time exploring vices. When a man has the heavens to look at, why would he spend his time in a gambling hell?”
Darius’s brows lowered, but he said nothing.
Meredith turned her thoughts to tonight’s ball.
Perhaps she should listen to Mr. Evers and search for a second lightning strike.
As much as her heart yearned for Darius, she had to be sensible.
If Darius would not allow himself to love her, then she would find love elsewhere.