Chapter 11 #2
The night was cold and smelled of rain and roses as Darius stepped into the gardens.
He squinted in the direction of the garden path and caught a glimpse of Meredith’s sky-blue ballgown vanishing around a towering hedgerow.
He didn’t call her name. If anyone else was in the garden, he didn’t want to be overheard shouting for her because it could ruin Meredith’s reputation if people assumed he was out here alone with her.
He needed to get her back inside the ballroom at once.
He took off down the garden path, moving as fast as he could without running until he saw her once again.
She sat on a marble bench, half in shadow.
Darius stopped about fifteen feet away to take in the sight of her before she realized he was there.
She was so impossibly lovely, even crying in the dark.
And each of those tears shattered his heart.
In that moment, Darius admitted the truth. He’d fallen in love with this woman. The woman he could not have because tonight she had experienced the very thing he’d hoped to keep her safe from. His boots crunched on the gravel as he took a step forward. Her head jerked up at the sound.
“D—Darius?”
“Meredith,” he breathed as he came toward her.
She stood up, backing away from him.
“We must go back inside before—” He stopped, instantly regretting his words.
Her face paled. “Why? Because if we are caught out here together, you might be forced to marry me? And you wouldn’t want that, would you? To be saddled with me as your unsuitable bride?”
Unsuitable. His own distasteful words came back to him. How had she known about that? Had she overheard him speaking to Frances two weeks ago? If she had, it would certainly explain the distance she had put between them recently.
She had retreated to her bedchamber each night after dinner and had taken to sleeping in later in order to miss their breakfasts on the terrace.
He had been so busy dealing with estate matters and considering what to do about Crell that he had not realized the change in her behavior until a couple of days ago.
She had more callers each day, more rides in the park.
Mrs. Petersham had insisted he should not attend those outings or else Meredith would not be comfortable with her suitors, though he suspected it had more to do with those suitors being uncomfortable around him.
Now he was seeing his life clearly for the first time in two weeks, and it wasn’t a happy one…because he’d driven Meredith away from him. All because of his fears.
Meredith knew what he thought of her marriage prospects and Frances was desperately trying to help the girl find a husband quickly to escape him.
Words failed him. He stared at her, pain driving a wedge between them.
“Please go back inside, Your Grace,” she said quietly. “I will return on my own soon. I simply need a moment to collect myself.”
“No.” He shouldn’t have said it, but his refusal slipped out before he could stop himself.
She stared at him, her lips parted in shock.
“If you stay out here, I shall remain with you,” he said. “For as long as is required.”
“But you can’t. And I need to be alone. I…” She wiped the tears that had begun streaming down her face.
“Meredith, the last thing you need is to be alone. What you heard in the ballroom was…” He took another few steps toward her.
“It was what you feared would happen. What you knew would happen.” She sniffled and wiped at her cheeks with one gloved hand.
He could only nod. His throat had tightened so that he couldn’t speak for a moment.
“You were right,” she said quietly. “I thought I could prepare myself for such cruel words, but…” She sniffled again. Darius took a chance to move closer still. He was now within arm’s reach of her.
“Please, just go,” Meredith begged him, her voice breaking on the words.
“No,” he said again, stronger this time.
She swiped the backs of her hands across her eyes. “I must look dreadful. I can’t go in looking like this.”
“On that we agree.” He reached for her but she pulled away. “You heard me speaking to Frances about this, didn’t you?” he asked.
Meredith nodded, and the misery on her face cut him deep. Deep enough that he found it hard to breathe.
“I never meant to hurt you. You will make someone a wonderful wife.”
She dropped her head. “But not you.” Darius had never hated himself more than he did at that moment. Before he could respond, she turned and ran deeper into the gardens.
“Meredith!” he called out, still trying to keep his voice down as he chased her. She took half a dozen turns before she ran into a dead end, and he blocked her escape by holding his arms out.
“Move!” she demanded.
“No.”
“Stop saying that!” She stomped her foot. It was so angry and yet so feminine that Darius would have smiled, only he felt too wretched inside to feel any joy. The heavy clouds above began to break, and the stone path was soon sprinkled with rain droplets.
“We must go back inside now, or we will both be drenched,” she said.
“Not until I’ve said a few things,” Darius replied, his voice as rough as the gravel beneath her dancing slippers. He towered over her, but she didn’t shrink away this time. It gave him hope to continue.
“Meredith. You are beautiful, clever, and kind.” His eyes held her in place, and the rain drops were icy cold against his slowly heating skin as he continued to say the words he’d been holding in for so long.
“You fascinate and inspire me. If I could freely choose my wife, it would be you, without doubt or hesitation.”
“But a duke has no choice?” Her tone was bitter.
“Tonight you witnessed how society would treat you. I cannot watch you endure that.”
“You never asked me what I wanted. What if I were willing to endure that for you?” she asked, her face pale again as the rain grew heavier.
“Are you?” he asked. “Because you ran away tonight.”
She drew back as though he’d slapped her, but she had to understand why he couldn’t have her, why they couldn’t live the dream they both so desperately wanted.
“I did not flee because of their words,” she said at last. “I fled because you said nothing. I could endure anything if you only wanted me, if only I were yours. But tonight it has been made it abundantly clear I don’t belong here…
I don’t belong anywhere. Perhaps I should’ve stayed in Yorkshire and become Harry’s mistress. ”
He grabbed her by the shoulders. “Do not say such things. You do belong here. You belong with me.”
Thunder rumbled above them, charged with an energy that passed from the clouds directly into Darius’s soul.
She lifted her chin, her lovely hazel eyes darkened. “Prove it,” Meredith challenged. That fire in her eyes he had come to adore had momentarily returned. She was brave. He was the coward. She’d drawn a line between them, and only he could cross it now.
If he did, there would be no going back. No more denying anything anymore, not his heart or his body.
The rain began to drench them and right then he felt anything was possible, even his own happiness.
He slid his hands to her waist, jerking her against him before he captured her mouth. He tasted the rain with her tears, and she sobbed once against his lips before kissing him back.
Lord, let me have this moment of heaven with her.
Darius didn’t care that he was soaked, but he did care that she was. He pulled away to bend and scoop her up in his arms. She curled her arms around his neck and gazed at him.
“We’re going back inside?” she asked in a quiet voice.
“No.”
“Is ‘no’ your favorite word this evening, Your Grace?” Meredith said peevishly.
Darius laughed. “No. We are going somewhere private so I can do wicked things to you and so you will start calling me Darius again.”
“Do wicked things to me?” Her voice was so sweet, so innocent, which was the exact opposite of his thoughts.
“Yes.”
“Finally a yes,” she said and cuddled closer to him as he carried her off.
Darius smiled. “That is my favorite word.”