Chapter 17
“What was I thinking?” Harriet muttered to herself as she wandered down the corridor.
She had excused herself from the breakfast table as soon as Theodore had agreed to go to the ball. To her embarrassment, in their exchange, she had all but forgotten the Duke of Wright existed, until he had murmured “changes indeed.”
Once more, his words had snapped whatever spell had weaved itself between her and Theodore.
Harriet shook herself, her fingers brushing against the necklace around her neck.
She could still feel the switch, the way it had felt like she could read him as easily as a book and that he could do the same for her.
I want to go.
She had meant every word, and it surprised her. I do not want to be another excuse. A suspicion had burst to life in her as she listened to Theodore and Wright argue, and when she had told him that she had no wish to be another reason for him not to go, she had seen the truth of it.
He is just as uncomfortable in such things as I am.
She shook her head even as a smile crept across her face. The image of Theodore standing in a crowded room, like a fish out of water, filled her mind, and it tugged at her heart. How often have I felt like that?
“I can be useful. And if I wish to leave early, he will understand. In fact, I suspect he might be relieved at such a wish.” She felt a weight leave her shoulders, immediately followed by guilt as she spotted Phoebe lying in front of the fire, doodling in her sketchbook. Was this really for her or only for me?
She had told Theodore it would be good for them. She knew that stepping into society and making the right connections would only help Phoebe. Catherine’s ball was the logical event to do it. They would be among friends, but also with some of the most important people in the country.
“Did you take some snacks from the kitchen?” Harriet asked as she knelt down beside Phoebe, glancing at Lucy he was sitting nearby.
The girl nodded and shifted into a sitting position, crossing her legs in front of her. Her eyes drifted from Harriet to behind her and then back again.
In that glance, Harriet saw the muscles in Phoebe’s little body tense, even as her eyes brightened. The muscles relaxed, but her mouth curled into a slight frown. She wants him to visit just as much as she worries about it.
Harriet glanced over her shoulder and saw that the doorway was empty. Her heart splintered as she turned to face Phoebe. “I think he is still with the Duke of Wright. Though I am sure he will come find us soon.”
Phoebe said nothing.
“Shall I ask Lucy to let him know where to find us?” Harriet made her voice as gentle as possible, trying to make it sound like the most natural thing in the world that Theodore should know where they were.
The muscles in Phoebe’s neck convulsed and she glanced at Lucy, saying nothing. Harriet followed her gaze as Lucy stood. “I shall let His Grace know.”
Neither of them watched Lucy leave, Harriet’s eyes were on Phoebe and the way her body seemed to be coiling in on itself like a tightly wound spring. Yet something else, something like excitement, or even hope moved across the girl’s face.
Her eyes kept drifting to the door and back, muscles tensing and relaxing and tensing once more in a constant dance.
“Shall we ask him to join us when he arrives?” Harriet searched her face. “We could all play a game perhaps?”
For a moment, Phoebe softened and then she shook her head, shifting further away. Harriet’s heart was leaden in her chest, but she tried to keep it from her face. She watched as Phoebe began to draw in her book, her face scrunched in concentration.
She had the same intense look as Theodore when she was focused. Harriet saw a strand of hair fall across Phoebe’s face, but kept from reaching out to brush it away. She did not want to startle her.
When Phoebe was done, she looked up at Harriet expectantly. Harriet scooted closer and peered at the drawing. There were three figures. A large one, a medium one and a small one. The small one was facing away from the largest one.
Understanding dawned on Harriet. “You do not want to face him?”
Phoebe nodded, her eyes downcast.
Harriet resisted the urge to pull her close and instead gently took her hand in hers and squeezed it. “I understand. It can feel… It can feel quite intense when we are looking directly at someone.”
Harriet felt the ghost of Theodore’s fingertips against her skin as he asked her to look at him. She saw the flash of pain in his eyes in her mind, mingling with Phoebe’s fear. They both wanted connection.
The back of her neck prickled, and even if it had not, the way Phoebe tensed would have told her that Theodore had arrived. Harriet turned to find him standing in the doorway.
His face was studiously blank, though she could see the same tension in his jaw that she had seen at breakfast. He is nervous. Harriet looked from Phoebe to Theodore, her mind working furiously.
“I was just telling Phoebe that we should play a game.” Harriet could feel Phoebe move closer to her. “I thought something like blind man’s bluff might be fun.”
“Blind man’s bluff?” Theodore frowned.
“Do not tell me you have never played it?” Harriet arched an eyebrow at him, flashing him a small smile. “We blindfold one person, and they try and catch the others.”
“Do you think this an appropriate game for the drawing room?” Theodore gestured around them at the various bits of furniture, vases and other breakable things.
Harriet glanced out of the window at the storm clouds gathering and then at Phoebe who was peering up at her from behind Harriet’s skirts. She could see the brightness in Phoebe’s expression, sense the muted excitement in the way she shifted from foot to foot.
“We shall clear a space and move anything breakable out of reach. Only one person will be blindfolded, the rest of us can watch them to make sure they do not come to harm.” Harriet moved towards the sofa, and with Lucy’s assistance, moved it to create a space.
“The only question is who would like to go first.”
Phoebe tentatively raised her hand. Harriet smiled at her and pulled off the shawl from around her shoulders. Carefully, she folded it and then tied it around Phoebe’s eyes.
“Can you see anything?” she asked as she finished.
Phoebe shook her head and to Harriet’s satisfaction, the blindfold did not shift with the movement. “Is it too tight?”
Once more Phoebe shook her head. Harriet glanced at Lucy and then at Theodore, who had not moved from the doorway. “I shall spin you gently three times and then you will have to feel around to find us and catch us.”
Phoebe nodded and as Harriet began to turn her gently, she saw Lucy dart to an opposite corner of the room. She arched an eyebrow at Theodore, nodding her head to the opposite corner. She thought she saw his leg shift, just slightly, but he did not move.
She held in a sigh as she jumped back from Phoebe. “Go!”
Phoebe extended her arms in front of her, the edge of her smile lost in the folds of fabric across her face. She took a tentative step forward, and then another. There was none of the usual self-consciousness in her movements, only the caution one might expect of someone who could not see.
“Warmer,” Harriet called, making Phoebe whip round and move towards her.
She hastily moved away, but Phoebe clearly heard her footsteps and shifted directions. Harriet stilled as Phoebe moved towards her, trying to quietly move out of her reach.
“Over here!” Lucy called from her corner.
Phoebe whirled in the direction of her voice, her arms outstretched as she felt her way towards the maid. Harriet could feel Theodore watching them.
Phoebe made contact with Lucy and both let out a delighted laugh. The sound echoed through the room, and Harriet saw the muscles in Theodore’s shoulder relax, just slightly. He stood, his hands clenched, body perfectly rigid.
She had been too distracted watching him, and Lucy nearly stumbled towards her. Harriet darted out of the way with a yelp, and across the room, Phoebe let out another delighted laugh, clapping her hands together.
“Aha!” Lucy oriented herself towards the noise and Phoebe leapt to one side, ending up in a corner with nowhere to go.
Harriet opened her mouth, ready to draw Lucy’s attention away, but before she could Theodore tapped his hand against the wall, distracting Lucy long enough for Phoebe to scramble away laughing wildly.
He moved, his footsteps heavy and Lucy followed him. Harriet felt something shift in the room as she caught sight of the broad smile on Theodore’s face. He looked almost boyish, and there was a mischievous glint in his eyes that Harriet had sometimes seen in Phoebe’s.
“Over here!” Harriet called as Lucy strode closer to Theodore.
The game continued, and the longer it went on, the more Harriet felt as though her heart might burst. Theodore and Phoebe’s competitive natures began to shine through, as each tried to lure whoever was blindfolded to other contestants.
In a moment of distraction, Harriet was caught and then it was her turn to be blindfolded. She donned it, spun around three times and then began to feel her way around the room.
“Where are you?” Harriet called, listening for the sound of Phoebe and Lucy’s giggling.
She thought she could hear someone breathing a few paces from her. Is that suppressed laughter? She held her arms outstretched, stepping towards the sound. Something brushed against her and she lunged, but caught only air.
Laughter echoed around her. She could not help but smile. She paused, and strained her ears. “I know you are there.”
Footsteps behind her. She whipped around, arms flailing as she made her way towards the sound. Her outstretched hands met only the wall and she began to feel her way along it.
“I am going to get you,” Harriet called out.
“If you can find us!” Lucy’s voice sounded from one of the corners.