Chapter 26 #2
“I do not think either of us believe that.” Percival turned away from Theodore and left the room.
Theodore slumped into his armchair, and closed his eyes. He heard the sound of footsteps, and a moment later, felt a small tug on his shirt sleeve.
“Uncle?” It was Phoebe.
His eyes flew open, and he straightened at once. “Phoebe?”
She was standing in front of him, her small face pinched with concern. Her blue eyes were fixed on his, and she did not move away from him as he spoke.
“Is something the matter?” Theodore looked around, but he saw no sign of anyone else. “Do you need something?”
Phoebe shook her head, and to his surprise, moved even closer to him. Gently, she reached towards his chest, her tiny fingers coming to rest just above his heart.
“It hurts?” She tilted her head towards him making it a question.
The simple gesture took him a moment to understand. He blinked slowly, his mind sluggish even as his heart stirred feebly at her touch. He moved his head, nodding at her, unable to find the words.
Phoebe gave him a small, sad smile that broke his heart into a million tiny pieces. “Me too.”
He wanted to tell her that he was sorry, that he had not meant to ruin things for her, but before he could, she gingerly, cautiously pulled herself up into his lap.
He froze, but she did not retreat. She bit her lip, eyes full of determination.
He felt her tiny arms wrap around his neck, and closed his eyes.
He hugged her back, his hands gentle as he pulled his niece close.
He was not sure how long she hugged him but with each moment, he felt the walls around his heart break.
When they finally broke apart, Phoebe did not shift off his lap. She leaned against him, her legs kicking out gently as she tapped her finger against her lips. Her presence was a comforting balm, and Theodore could not quite believe that any of this was real.
“Your mother used to do that too, especially if she was thinking quite hard,” Theodore said, feeling a prickle of guilt spread through him as he thought of Rose.
Phoebe perked up. “Really?”
“Yes.” He gestured to her face. “And you two make the same face when you draw. And you laugh like her too. You even hold your knife and fork the same way.”
“Sometimes I get scared I’ll forget her.” Phoebe’s lip trembled, but she kept speaking, her voice so soft he could barely hear her over the thud of his heart.
“Your mother will always be a part of you, you might forget bits, but she will always live on.” Theodore pressed a gentle finger to his niece’s heart.
“And… if you want, we can talk of her more often. I may be able to find some portraits of her if you like. People live on in their family, in the stories and the memories they leave behind.”
“That’s what Auntie said.” Phoebe’s eyes widened, and for a moment, she looked uncertain, but when Theodore said nothing, she continued. “I think Mama would like her.”
“I am sure she would,” Theodore agreed, but he could not quite meet Phoebe’s smile with his own.
The thought of Harriet sent an emptiness through him that he could not dismiss. He could imagine Harriet and Rose, see them talking to one another and being the closest of friends.
“She would like how smiley she makes you. Mama always worried you were too serious.” Phoebe gave him a somber look.
“I do not know how to be anything else.” Theodore shrugged. “Rose always followed her heart, she spoke her mind. She was brave and daring. She was so full of life and always ready for adventure and then… Sometimes it feels wrong that she is dead and I am not.”
Phoebe squeezed her hand around Theodore’s finger and shook her head. “No. Mama loved you.”
“I wish I had told her more,” Theodore whispered. “That we had more time together.”
“Some time is better than no time,” Phoebe replied and shrugged. “Even if it hurts. Mama always said that.”
“But it is hard to lose people.” Theodore felt his chest ache. And I am not strong enough to stand it. Not again.
“But you cannot lose them if they are in your heart silly,” Phoebe pointed out. “And Auntie is not lost, she just isn’t here.”
Theodore’s mouth went dry, the tightness around his chest returning with triple the force. Something must have shown on his face, because Phoebe stopped laughing, her expression serious once more.
Theodore shifted, careful not to accidentally topple Phoebe. “I do not know when your aunt will return. And when she does… Things might be different.”
Phoebe’s mouth pursed, and she surveyed his face seriously. A faint crease appeared between her brow, and Theodore had the sensation of being a bug beneath a magnifying glass.
After a long time, Phoebe moved, perching on the arm of the chair so that her eyes were level with Theodore’s. “Do you love her?”
Her eyes bored into him with an intensity far beyond her years.
He could not lie to her. “I do.”
Phoebe nodded solemnly. “Do you want her to come back?”
“Yes.” More than anything. Before he could open his mouth to tell Phoebe that things were complicated, she had slipped from his lap and moved to a small bag she had tucked behind a table.
“Good.” Phoebe splayed her drawing things across the coffee table. “Then I know just what to do.”
Unable to help himself, Theodore smiled as he listened to his niece outline her plan. Perhaps it was not too late.