Chapter Four
Lady Amelia Brimley
I took the last stair to the nursery, each footstep heavy. The afternoon had started out promising enough. Hide and seek had been fun and illuminating. My body still hummed with need at the memory of Oliver at my back and Noah touching my ankle.
Lately, I seemed to become more aware of Noah as a man than I had before, and it was very disconcerting.
I was in love with Oliver. Had he been right to allow me the opportunity to meet other men for this very reason?
I had enjoyed my season, and flirting with eligible gentlemen had been flattering.
At seventeen, I had the entire glamorous world of London society before me.
And then I lost my sister, and it all came crashing down.
Tears pressed at the back of my eyes and I willed them not to fall.
Five years older than me, Sally was more of a mother to me than mine ever was.
I’d never been close to my brother Albert, who currently lived in India with his wife’s family.
I’d been shipped off to boarding school the first chance Mother had, and I hadn’t been there for Sally and the twins the way I had been for Ethan.
Regret over the fact was a constant companion of mine.
I opened the door and was met with two screaming children.
Caroline, the nursemaid for the twins, glanced over her shoulder, baby John in one arm, Sam in the other. Plump with a tender nature, the older woman had been with the family since Ethan was born. “Lady Amelia, I am afraid the twins have developed a fever.”
“Do they need a doctor?” Sweat traced a path down Caroline’s ruddy cheeks, her color high. Caring for two children at once had to be trying for a woman of her age, and Noah had hired Miss Penny to take charge of Ethan to relieve her burden. “No, I believe they’re teething.”
“Poor dears.” I moved to her side and lifted John’s chin. A line of droll glistened on his lower lip. He inhaled a shaky breath, and his little mouth parted. I caught a hint of white on his gums and pulled his lip down. “Yes, indeed. It appears as if he has a new tooth peeking through.”
After Ethan was born, I spent hours in the nursery with him.
Sally had a hard delivery, and she kept to her bed for nearly three months.
Her behavior had concerned me, but Mother said it was normal for a lady of her station to take to her bed after giving birth.
I helped the nurse care for him while my sister rested.
A stab of pain infiltrated my heart at the memory of Sally.
“Mama,” John scrunched up his little nose and threw himself out of Caroline’s arms.
“No, Amelia, not Mama.” I caught him, relieving her of the burden.
If I were his mama, I would be sharing Noah’s bed.
A flush stole up my cheeks and I tamped down the wicked thought.
Oliver and I would one day have children, not Noah and I.
I hugged John tight, inhaling the warm smell of baby, talc, and linen.
Oliver’s proposal couldn’t come soon enough.
Although there would still be the question of when we would wed.
“What is that ruckus?” Mother asked from somewhere behind me. I inhaled, trying to maintain a calm demeanor. Sneaking up on me was a common occurrence with her. She seemed to know my every move.
Every time I was alone with her of late, I lost control of my temper. Once I was married, I could move out of the house into my own. Except there would be an extended period in between before the wedding. I patted John’s back, trying to calm both of us.
“John is teething. I can only assume Sam is as well,” I said.
“Yes.” Mother took Sam from Caroline. He rested his head on Mother’s shoulder, his thumb moving to his mouth.
Sam and John were twins but they weren’t identical.
Sam had ginger hair while John was blond, rather like Sally and me.
Mother cooed to him, the severe lines etched into her forehead fading.
She adored her grandchildren and, although harsh with me, never raised her voice to them.
I envied them. Being on the outs with her was tiring in the extreme.
“Caroline, would you fetch some whisky and a cloth.” Mother moved to the rocking chair by the window. “Amelia, come and sit. We need to talk.”
Dread settled in the pit of my stomach but I did what she asked.
John had calmed down a bit, and from the weight of his limbs, he was relaxed.
For the sake of peace, I should make up some excuse but I didn’t wish to disturb the child.
The oak chair was from America and carved by Quakers in Pennsylvania.
They were a gift from Oliver’s grandmother to our family.
Rain hit the windowpanes. The day had turned blustery and wet soon after we finished eating. My game of hide and seek with Ethan had to be postponed. “Where is Ethan?” I asked.
“He’s with his grandfather putting together a puzzle,” she said, leaning her head back.
My mother had been a great beauty in her day, but sadness had wiped away the joy she used to carry with her. She had adored Sally, and my older sister could do no wrong in her eyes. “Papa does love his puzzles.”
“Yes, he does.” Mother cleared her throat and began to rock, the floorboards beneath the chair emitting a soft popping sound. Sam sucked on his thumb, his ginger hair wet from his fever.
“Is Noah with him?” I asked, careful not to look at her lest she read my interest in him as more than sisterly.
We weren’t related except by marriage, and my silly girlhood infatuation was just that, an infatuation.
Oliver would be my husband soon, and I would appease my unladylike desires. At least, I prayed they would be.
The creaking continued. “No, I believe he and Oliver stepped out.”
“Oh,” I wasn’t sure why I was jealous, but I was. The two men hadn’t necessarily been great friends in the past. Of course, Noah had been out to sea for the majority of the time he’d been married to Sally, and Oliver had been at university. “I see.”
She lay cool fingers on my wrist. “That is what I wished to speak to you about,” she said before withdrawing her hand.
I stiffened my spine in anticipation of a familiar argument. She blamed me for Oliver postponing the announcement. Of course, she tended to blame me for many things that weren’t in my control. “All right.”
“I’m worried that Oliver is having second thoughts.
Your father spoke with him today, and he was evasive when your father made mention of an announcement for the Times,” Mother said.
Her chair moved faster, the creak more pronounced.
Sam shifted his head from the left to the right, burying his nose in the lace at her neck.
With a gentle hand on his bottom, she rocked him.
A chill of foreboding rushed along my every nerve.
Forcing Oliver to marry me only made my mortification worse.
My conversation with Noah had calmed me somewhat, but the fear was back in spades.
Throat tight, I shifted John’s body and cradled him across my chest. He sniffled and wiped at his nose with one fist. “If Oliver doesn’t wish to marry me, I won’t force the issue.
I needn’t remind you that our year of mourning is not up for three days.
Even so, there is no deadline on marriage proposals. ”
The reminder settled heavily between us.
Mother’s gaze was locked on the far wall, her mouth pinched.
I looked for tears in her eyes, but she rarely exhibited any weakness in front of me.
Mother exhaled as she stared at me for a long, uncomfortable moment.
“You are a pretty girl, but time is not your friend. You are nineteen and practically on the shelf.”
“You needn’t remind me,” I snapped, glancing down at John’s sleeping face. I wasn’t sure how long he’d been crying before I had arrived. He often wore himself out when he was sick. I placed a kiss on his smooth brow.
“You are very good with the boys.”
The compliment caught me off guard after her harsh reminder. It was unfair that women were devalued the older they became. “I love them with all of my heart.”
“I wish Sally had been here to see them,” she said, her voice catching at the end of her comment, a rare slip on her part. “They need a mother to raise them, not a nursemaid.”
“Are you suggesting that Noah find someone to marry?” If he married, he’d take the boys away. Panic shot through me, and I willed it back. “He never mentioned the desire to marry again.”
“It is a genuine possibility. I see the way he looks at you.”
I froze, my chest tight with apprehension. Mother never spoke without a purpose. Had she guessed my past infatuation with the dashing naval officer? Best to play ignorant. “Beg pardon?”
The creaking of the rocker halted, and she angled her head, inspecting me with an intense regard that made me instantly uncomfortable. “Don’t be dense, girl. I am saying that if Oliver doesn’t come up to snuff by week’s end, I suggest you consider marrying Noah.”
Me marry Noah? Mother was watching me like a hawk as I rolled the idea around in my stunned mind.
He was charming and was rarely if ever, rattled.
I liked his calm manner and how he seemed to know the right thing to say.
We spent a lot of time with the children, and I admired the way he handled the boisterous boys with a gentle hand.
Unlike the parents of the deceased, a widower’s estimated mourning period was three months.
It was expected by everyone that he’d marry again. “Noah still loves Sally,” I said.
She waved away my argument with a dismissive hand before she adjusted Sam in her arms. The shoulder of her black dress was spotted with drool from the child.
Determination tightened her jaw, and Mother determined was a thing to be reckoned with.
“He is a widower with three children who need a mother. With his pleasant looks and temperament, he will eventually marry again. He is a young and viral man with a title, and once he weds, he will take the boys and move to his own estate.”
It appalled me to admit I agreed with my mother. I loved Noah, but was I in love with him? I was definitely in love with Oliver and had dreamed of being his wife since the tender age of six.
“Yes. I lost my daughter to the Lord, and my own son abandoned our family when we needed him most.” Anguish twisted her mouth, her eyes alight with anxiety. Finally, a crack in her demeanor. “I don’t wish to lose my grandchildren. It is imperative they live here with me.”
My heart leaped into my throat at the haunting sight.
Sally had worn the same look right up until her death.
I had caught her in the chair Mother sat in, inconsolable.
The next morning, Mother found her dead.
A burning need to sob nearly overcame me as the tears returned.
“You will never lose them. Noah isn’t a cruel sort, nor has Albert truly abandoned us.
He simply went to visit his wife’s family in India. ”
Mother and my sister-in-law were constantly at odds.
The two women were very much alike, both always trying to control everything around them.
I often wondered if Albert realized he married a version of his mother or perhaps he had done so on purpose.
He’d never been much of a leader, more of a follower, and his wife definitely led him on a merry chase.
“What if Noah marries and his new wife is like Albert’s wife, a harridan who wishes to make him live halfway across the world?” She worried her bottom lip, shaking her head. Vulnerability rested just beneath the surface of her calm. “Do you want to take the risk?” she asked.
My shoulders sagged with exhaustion. She was placing the burden on me.
It was unfair and, at this juncture, a moot point.
I wasn’t giving up on Oliver, although following my attraction for Noah was tempting.
“Once I’m the duchess, I will no longer be living here either.
Regardless, the decision is out of our hands. ”
“No, the decision is yours. You have to make things happen, Amelia, you said so yourself on numerous occasions.” She flashed me a mischievous grin, erasing years off her countenance. Mother was not yet fifty. Grief had stripped her youth from her face. “What say you, my child?”
I stared at her for a long moment, my mind awhirl.
For as long as I could remember, I planned on marrying Oliver.
But he’d shown his reluctance, and the last thing I wanted to do was force him into a marriage he didn’t want.
What she said made sense. If Oliver didn’t come up to snuff, Noah and I might make a suitable match.
Either way, I would be with a man I desired and loved.
It was unfortunate that I couldn’t have both men.
My head screamed foul at my wicked thoughts, but my body begged yes.
There was one glaring fault in her suggestion; Noah would most definitely have something to say about the matter. He loved my sister, and try as I might, I could never compete with her memory.