Chapter Thirty-Two
Lady Amelia, Duchess of Hayesford
“Good afternoon, your grace,” the butler greeted me with a jovial smile. He had been employed with my parents since before I was born. “Please allow me to personally congratulate you on your marriage on behalf of the entire staff.”
“That is truly kind of you. Please share my thanks with the staff.” I handed him my hat and pelisse. Oliver, Lady Gwendolyn, and I had arrived from the country that morning. In the week since my marriage, I had stayed at Hayesford Hall.
We’d traveled back to London, and the second Lady Gwendolyn was settled in at my new home, Oliver left for an appointment with the Turkish ambassador. With Hortense keeping Lady Gwendolyn company, I took the opportunity to visit my parents’ home. “Is Lord Noah in residence?”
I knew very well where everyone was except for him.
My parents had a routine they followed to the letter.
It was Monday, so Mother would be with Cook and Father with his estate manager.
I would use their routine to sneak up to my room and retrieve Sally’s diary, along with some books I’d left behind.
I hadn’t dared take it with me for fear of discovery.
“Lord Noah took Ethan to the park to fly his kite. Your mother is with Cook going over the menu for the week,” he said. “Would you like me to tell her you are here?”
“There is no need for that. I will seek her out once I see the twins. I missed them greatly.” I turned on my heel and took the stairs to the second floor, feeling a touch of guilt. It was the twins’ nap time; thus I didn’t wish to disturb them.
Once on the landing, I went down the hall to my old room. I opened the familiar door and stepped inside. A wave of nostalgia came over me. Everything looked as I had left it, yet I no longer lived beneath this roof with my family. My home was across the park with Oliver.
I strode over to my secretary and paused at the sight of the drawer that rested at an odd angle.
Upon closer inspection, the lock had been broken.
I slid the drawer out and inventoried the contents.
I kept my stationary locked away because Ethan was fond of using my fountain pen to draw on every page.
I opened the bottom drawer and pulled back the hidden panel using my fingernail. Sally’s diary and several suggestive novels my mother wouldn’t have approved of still rested there. I slipped the diary into the deep pocket of my skirt and put the panel back in place.
The ruined drawer continued to concern me.
I removed the fountain pen, my favorite gift from Oliver.
The stationary had my maiden name on it, and was no longer useful to me.
I was Lady Amelia, Duchess of Hayesford.
The title had been my dream from an early age, and it had come to fruition.
A quick glance at the clock showed the hour.
The boys would be awake soon, and I wanted to see them before I had to leave.
I turned on my heel and startled at the sight of my mother standing in the doorway.
“Amelia.” She said, arms crossed with a stern cast to her mouth.
How much had she seen?
“Mother, you startled me. I just stopped by to retrieve my fountain pen before I went up to see the boys.” I forced a smile and tried not to flush in guilt.
Even if I wasn’t trying to sneak Sally’s diary out of the house, Mother had a way of making me feel guilty for no reason.
Or perhaps I let her have that effect on me.
“All in due time. First, I need to know where the journal is Amelia?” She stepped further into the room, looking even thinner than I recalled. Her cheekbones were more prominent, and she had a desperate look in her eyes.
“Where is what?” I’d learned over the years never to admit to anything with her. She had a knack for ferreting out my secrets, which annoyed me to no end.
“The book. It was in the trunk where my wedding dress was stored. Where is it?” Strain pulled her mouth tight.
Realization clicked inside my head. “You mean Sally’s diary?”
She blanched and clutched at the cameo at her throat. “Please tell me you have it.”
I started to assure her I did but halted my confession. A myriad of emotions rushed to the forefront of my mind. Regret, sadness, anger. I couldn’t yield to any of them. I wanted some answers. “Did you hide it in the trunk, or did Sally?”
“It is a moot point. Where is the diary?” she repeated, her knuckles white.
Her cryptic statement confirmed my guess. One mystery solved, but there was much more I needed to know. “It is in a secure location. I am not foolish enough to leave it lying around where just anyone could read it.”
“It is not yours to keep. I want it back, Amelia.”
I shook my head. “I overheard you and Father talking in the drawing room on the anniversary of her death. I know everything that transpired on the day of her death, as well as the weeks leading up to it.”
“It is no great mystery.” Tears brightened her eyes, and she shook her head, glaring at me. “Sally died from ill health after the twins. It was a difficult birth, and she never recovered. You know that. Now I will ask again, where is the diary?”
My own emotions were raw and close to the surface. “Sally was told she was hysterical, and you locked her in her room. She was scared and alone. How could you be so cruel?”
“Cruel? Do you think I was being cruel to her? I was trying to save her life, Amelia. She was my daughter and was suffering in a way you will never understand. No mother wishes to see her child suffer.” Mother shook her head, a stray strand of hair falling from her tight bun.
I rarely, if ever, saw her disheveled. “I didn’t know what else to do but what the doctor did for me. ”
“When Sally was bedridden after Ethan, you told me it was normal for a woman to suffer from melancholy.” The realization that rushed into my head chilled me to the bone.
I crossed my arms over my waist and resisted the need to run from the room.
“In the last entry of Sally’s diary, she said she hated the twins because they’d stolen her joy.
Is that why you hate me? Did I steal your joy? ”
She took a step back, shaking her head. “You are mistaken. I never said that, nor did Sally mean it. She loved those children, and I will not have you spreading lies about her.”
“I simply told you what she said. I have no intention of telling anyone about the diary, and I resent the fact you think I would malign her character.” Her accusation was like a slap in the face.
All the years she’d been cold to me made sense.
My birth changed something inside my mother.
The cycle continued with Sally. Would I be cursed with the same fate?
“You have no idea what you’re doing.”
“I know exactly what I’m doing.” Horrified by the thought, I turned and rushed from the room.
“Give me the diary, Amelia.” She rushed after me and grabbed my elbow, trying to halt my momentum on the landing. Her fingers dug into my arm, a frantic gleam in her eyes. “It doesn’t belong to you, and if it falls into the wrong hands, our family will be ruined.”
“It doesn’t belong to you, either,” I yelled back, unable to fathom how Mother could be so cruel. Sally was gone, and all she thought about was her reputation. She’d always been hostile toward me, but I had always assumed she loved Sally. Apparently, I assumed wrong. “It belongs to Noah.”
“No, he can’t know of her shame. Of our shame,” Mother said.
A movement in the hallway past Mother’s shoulder sent my heart to my feet. Noah and Father were standing there, both men wearing grim expressions.
“We heard shouting,” Father explained, looking from me to Mother. She blanched, her fingers visibly shaking.
“Where is the diary?” Noah asked, fury blazing in his eyes, along with dread.
“Noah, please—” Mother begged.
He held up a staying hand, his lips pressed together in a tight line. “You have been lying to me, and I deserve the truth.”
“Oh, Amelia, what have you done?” Mother ran from the room, her sobs flowing behind her. Father went after her, calling her name.
I stood rooted to the spot, debating whether I should give it to Noah or not. Mother was right. The diary was very damning. The glare he cast in my direction made me reluctantly reach into my skirt pocket and retrieve the slender volume. “I bought it for Sally as a gift.”
He stared down at it but didn’t flip open the cover.
“I’m sorry, Noah,” I said, tears choking me.
“How long have you had this?” he asked out of clenched teeth.
“Since before the wedding.” I made to lay my hand on his arm, needing to make him understand.
He stepped back, bitterness darkening his eyes. “And you thought to keep it from me?”
“To save you heartache.” I needed him to understand. “Sally was very troubled, more than either of us knew. You must trust me when I beg you to leave well enough alone and not relive the past.”
“That’s the rub, Amelia. I don’t think I can ever trust you again.” He strode from the room with a curt nod, taking my heart with him.