Chapter 27 #2
“If Alex had not begged me to wed you, I would not have. I will make a terrible hostess. I will disappoint the ton and lower you in their eyes. You were desperate, and I was there. You knew my sisters, but not me. Not enough to even recognize me in a crowd or tell me from one of the staff. There is so much I do not know. I was not even sure how to act during my visit. All my life I have been the lowest in the room and now, save for a handful of other women, I will always outrank everyone. I am terribly ill-suited to being a duchess. I must be so disappointing. I do not think the error can be rectified by Friday and your birthday. So you are stuck with me until death parts us.”
She stopped again to gather courage, taking a deep breath.
There was more, but feelings invaded places she did not have words for yet.
The part about wearing gray for six years to stay invisible.
A color no longer an option to her. Hiding in the corners was no longer something she could ever do.
She was never chosen because of her merits, rather, she was the only choice.
“Meeting Miss Cecile made me think of all the choices you had and how desperate you must have been to wed a woman too—” she waved her hand, the smallest gesture, in her lap, “—too terrified to even look at you. I accepted your proposal because no matter what, a life with you could not be worse than my situation in my father’s house.
” She chanced a quick glance at him, barely registering the look of quiet grief in his eyes.
“On that point I have been more than rewarded. You have treated me with nothing but kindness, even when I do not deserve any.”
The confession swelled within her, cutting off her voice and bringing more dreaded tears to her eyes. Men hated tears. Pulling the droplets back was useless.
He drew her closer without making her look at him, as if he knew she could not. Then he produced his handkerchief and waited for her to wipe her eyes and blow her nose with an embarrassing loudness. Still, he didn’t speak.
Jane tilted her head to meet his gaze.
“You said I was desperate, and you were there.” His voice was soft. “You are wrong.”
She blinked.
“I heard you laughing with Michael outside Alexandra’s window.
Before I asked her to speak for me. Before I left through the kitchen like a coward.
” A corner of his mouth moved. “I knew enough about you from Philippa to know that for all the reasons I had chosen Alexandra, you would also suit. I was aware of some of the pain you endured at your father’s hand.
I did not choose a convenient woman, Jane.
I chose the one who could laugh with others when she had little reason to.
One who constantly puts others before herself in compassion and kindness.
One whom I heard might reject me because of my age and status. ”
He paused and stared into the fireplace.
“You may have accepted me because anything was better than your father’s house.
I will not pretend your reason does not sting a little.
But I was not desperate enough to take just anyone.
I tried to make a list in case Alexandra rejected my offer.
None of the women, including any of the Warton sisters I knew would do.
Then Alexandra said your name and you and Michael laughed and I looked out the window and I —” He stopped as if considering his words. “I was not desperate when
I chose you. I was relieved.”
He brushed a thumb across her cheek where the tears had been.
“And as for deserving kindness.” His voice dropped slightly. “You will never have to earn anything from me. Do you understand that?”
No, not at all. None of it. What could Phil possibly have said that would convince a duke that the drab little sister, the second twin, would make a good wife?
Duke scampered into the room, his lead trailing behind him. The spaniel launched himself into their laps.
Jane pushed the dog off her and stood from Richard’s lap. “Down, you silly beast.”
The dog turned to Richard, tilting its head. The dog was rewarded with a scratch behind the ears. “I thought you had better manners than to interrupt the room.”
A breathless footman entered the library. “My apologies, Your Graces. The dog got away from me.”
“He has been out?” Jane’s question was somewhat unnecessary, considering the wet paw print on her gown.
“Yes, Your Grace. It was raining. I was drying him before taking him to your room, as your maid requested. I will finish now.” The footman came forward and retrieved the dog.
Richard picked up the book still on the floor and returned it to the crate. He turned and held out his hand to Jane. “May I escort you to your room?”
Jane laid her hand on his arm. An hour ago she would have begged him to come to her room as well so she could fulfill her duty.
However, exhaustion had filled her as her confession drained her.
Without Richard’s steadying arm, she might have stumbled up the grand staircase.
He led her past his door to her own. He turned to face her.
The candlelight caught the softness in his eyes.
He brushed the side of her face with the tips of his fingers.
He approached the kiss slowly. Jane rose on her toes to meet the brief touch that lingered long enough that she knew the embrace was not given because he must. He pulled back.
“It has been a difficult evening. My door I open to you when you are ready.” His gaze ran over her face.
“We have time.” He gathered her into his arms. Her head tucked under his chin.
He held her for a long moment before giving her his customary kiss on the top of her head and a wish for a good night’s sleep.
Jane entered her chamber, alone, their conversation echoing in her head.
She sat at the dressing table so Francis could brush her hair.
Duke entered, nuzzled her hand before circling his cushion near the fireplace.
Hair braided and relieved of her gown, Jane slipped into the nightgown her abigail had chosen.
Another new one, more practical for the cold night.
When the maids left, Jane patted the bed, and Duke left his cushion to obediently join her.
She looked to the adjoining door. As much as duty pulled at her, she knew he was right, tonight was not the night.
She scratched Duke behind the ears. “Do not get too used to sleeping here. Richard said that he chose me. Do you believe it?”
The dog sighed contentedly.
Jane yawned and patted his head. “I am not sure I do. But one night soon, I will walk through that door and leave you here alone.”