Chapter Nine
‘W hy would you tell him that story?’ Lucy gaped at her sister, clearly confused by Grace’s contradictory behaviour.
They sat in Lucy’s bedroom as it was the closest to their father’s. It allowed them to hear his cough without hovering beside his bed. They both wanted to know if the tonic they’d given him this afternoon had helped ease his dry hack. So far it hadn’t, but perhaps the medicine took a while to work.
Either way, they were passing the time by discussing in detail everything that had happened that afternoon—much of which made no sense to Lucy.
‘You told me that men do not like powerful women. You told me to be meek. So why would you tell the Duke about China’s pirate queen?’
‘He was interested,’ Grace said with an apologetic shrug.
How did she explain that once she’d started talking with the Duke, it had been so hard for her to stop? He seemed to value her thoughts and her opinions. And he never did anything that made her feel threatened. Even better, he clearly wanted to protect her. That was a potent lure for her, and she had been unable to control her words. As for her thoughts—well, they had gone rampant with ideas she did not want to express.
He excited her body and her mind. And that was as dangerous as it was wonderful.
‘What did he think?’ Lucy pressed. ‘Did he believe a woman can lead a fleet?’
‘As it happens, the Irish claim a pirate queen named Granuaile, so it wasn’t a great shock to him.’
Lucy shook her head, clearly not understanding the spell the Duke seemed to have thrown over Grace. ‘You told him you admire Ching Shih. You cannot admire a powerful woman without him thinking you want to be one.’
It was true. Grace understood the risk. No man, be he English or Chinese, wanted a woman who would dominate him. But she didn’t want to rule over the Duke. She just wanted to spend more time with him.
‘He kept asking questions. I promised I would answer honestly.’
Her sister leaned back against the wall. They were whispering together, just as they’d always done in the temple. But in this moment Lucy could not control her tone.
‘I don’t understand,’ she said with clear irritation. ‘Did you tell him that Ching Shih is bloodthirsty?’
‘I did. Or at least that the sailors believe it.’
‘And that you admire her?’
‘I admire her strength. She didn’t collapse and die when her husband did. She has forged her own path.’ Her brows narrowed at Lucy. ‘You know how much I have clung to those tales.’
Of course she did. Lucy knew everything about Grace. The two of them had been paired together since their earliest memories in the temple. Grace had never been able to sit still unless she held Lucy. And Lucy had rarely stopped crying except when near Grace. Or so the monks had told them.
As they’d aged, they helped one another survive. Grace was always faster, stealing food for them both when the temple didn’t have enough for everyone. Lucy was the quiet one, the shy one—the one who watched and understood much more than anyone guessed. She was also the one who could apply logic in private but completely crumpled when interacting in person. Thank heaven numbers didn’t change when she grew flustered. If she hadn’t been a half-person, she would have made a merchant a great wife. As it was, she’d been doomed to live as a nun in the temple, counting sacks of rice and rationing it out to hungry children.
It had been the tales of Ching Shih that had shown them both that women could be strong enough to make a new kind of life for themselves. The two of them had hung on the stories of the pirate queen’s life. They’d inspired Grace to seek out a man to teach her how to be useful on a boat. And they’d encouraged Lucy to want more than life as a silent temple nun.
It had taken years, and the special providence of luck, but now she and Grace were here with a father, who cared for them both. None of this would be possible were it not for those tales of Ching Shih.
Lucy gripped Grace’s fingers, squeezing them tightly. ‘Men want docile women. You have told me that a thousand times!’
Grace twisted her fingers out of Lucy’s grip. ‘He loved my tales. He begged me to tell him more.’
‘Men will beg at the feet of their mistresses, but they will not marry them. How many girls have we known who believed the promises of men?’
Grace sighed as she flopped backwards onto the bed. ‘He is different from the others. He listened to me. He wanted to hear what I thought. No other man has shown me such respect. Even Father tells me what I want instead of hearing my words.’
Lucy crossed her arms. ‘What have you told me about men who make you feel good?’
‘That they are lying,’ Grace answered. ‘That only you know what you want.’
‘Yes!’
‘But he’s not like that!’ Grace abruptly rolled over, to look at her sister. ‘He’s a good man. He’s not violent. He enjoys new things.’ She dropped her chin on her palm. ‘He wanted the experience of climbing the rigging, so he did it. He wants to learn about me because I am so different. That’s why I had to tell him about Ching Shih. It’s a tale that he has never heard before, about a woman he never imagined existed.’
‘How does that help you?’ Lucy pressed.
Grace looked away. ‘Perhaps it makes me seem less strange.’
Lucy shook her head and dropped down beside Grace on the bed. ‘All men enjoy new toys,’ she said, echoing the monks, who had taught something similar. ‘That path leads to suffering.’
Grace flopped onto her back again and stared at the ceiling, her words coming as if she were talking to herself. ‘He seemed impressed by what I can do on the sails. And he believes that I am a good navigator.’
‘Anyone who knows boats knows you’re a great navigator.’
‘Yes, but Lord Domac needed to be convinced. The Duke just believed me.’
‘Or he didn’t see any reason to argue about what isn’t important to him.’
Grace sat up, her face flushed. ‘He believes me. He doesn’t treat me as a child when I say things. He listens!’
Didn’t Lucy know how rare that was?
Lucy softened her expression. ‘Do you love him?’
The words cut straight to Grace’s heart. It was possible, she supposed. If she allowed herself, she might fall in love with him. But to risk everything on a feeling was madness.
‘Oh, mei mei ...’ Grace moaned, calling Lucy ‘little sister’ in the most tender way. ‘Half-people like us don’t find love. You know that. We must look for safety. For us and any children that may come.’
Lucy shook her head. ‘I still want love. And I know that’s na?ve.’ She spread her arms and spoke her words to the ceiling. ‘I want a man to fall madly in love with me. I want his thoughts on me at all hours of the day and night. I want him to sing songs to me, give me sweet food and kiss me all night long.’
Grace couldn’t quite stifle her sigh. ‘You’re dreaming of Lord Domac.’
It was half statement, half accusation. After all, she could see the truth in her sister’s dreamy eyes.
‘What happened between the two of you that you would build such a fantasy around him?’
‘Nothing,’ Lucy answered—but in a way that Grace knew she lied. Something had sparked this dream.
‘I cannot help you if you lie to me.’
Her sister flushed a dark red. ‘There was something that happened between us. Not like you think. It was this morning when you were in the sails with the Duke.’
Fear clutched her heart. Had Lord Domac attacked her sister? She quickly scanned her from head to toe. There was no injury that she could see. And she wasn’t acting like a woman hurt.
Grace swallowed down her fear and spoke calmly. ‘What happened?’
‘We were talking. He was asking about our life together in the temple.’
‘Everyone seems very interested in that,’ Grace drawled.
She supposed it was because there were no Buddhists in England, or so her father had said.
‘He wanted to know about our parents. About how your father found us.’
Ice slid down her veins. This was something she and Lucy had sworn never to discuss, even between themselves. And yet she could already see that her sister had talked. ‘You told him the truth?’ she said.
‘I didn’t mean to. It just... He was asking questions and—’
‘You wanted to please him. So you told him.’ She groaned. ‘How could you?’
‘I didn’t mean to!’
‘What did you say? Exactly?’
Her sister bit her lip, but then she told the tale. ‘He wanted to know how your father found you. How he knew you were his daughter.’
Even knowing the tale that was coming, Grace flinched. Back then, she hadn’t spoken English. She hadn’t known the monks had lied to Lord Wenshire. She hadn’t known they’d played him for a fool.
‘Lord Domac has worked out that we three are not related by blood. He guessed and I confirmed. He said you don’t look like him. And I don’t look like either of you.’
Guilt twisted in her insides. ‘We don’t know the truth,’ she said, trying to convince herself. ‘I’m the right age to be his child. And we have never pretended you are Lord Wenshire’s child. But to me you’re my sister. I would not leave China without you.’
Lucy smiled and squeezed Grace’s hand. ‘I know. I wanted to go with you. I wanted a new life.’
They both had. They’d both known their future in China was bleak. But that didn’t solve the immediate problem.
‘So now Lord Domac knows what even Lord Wenshire does not. That I am not truly his daughter.’
By the time she had understood enough English to realise what had happened, it had been too late. She hadn’t been able to tell Lord Wenshire that she wasn’t his true daughter. They had already sailed away, and he had shown her such love that she hadn’t been able to hurt him with the truth.
‘Lord Domac won’t tell. He has no reason to. He knows that revealing it would destroy you. It would destroy us both, and he doesn’t want that.’
She hoped so. She did not want to hurt her adopted father. He was a kind man, desperate for a family, and she and Lucy were all too happy to have what had never been theirs. Together, they made a loving unit, and she did not want that to change.
‘You cannot tell anyone else,’ Grace stressed.
‘I know!’ Lucy sighed. ‘I didn’t mean to tell him, but I’m glad I did. We’ll soon find out if he wants you or the boat.’
Grace threw up her hands. Hadn’t they been over this? ‘He wants the boat!’
‘Then he is not the husband for you!’
Lucy abruptly sat up, folding her legs in front of her so she sat like a monk teaching his class.
‘If you believe the Duke is safe, then he is your man. Which means you are giving up on Lord Domac.’
Grace could hear the hope in her sister’s voice.
‘You are too enamoured of Lord Domac. He does not love you.’
At least she prayed he didn’t. He had made it clear that he intended to marry Grace. What a disaster that would be if there were real feelings between him and her sister.
Meanwhile, Lucy twisted her fingers in the blanket. ‘He might...’
‘We were with him for four months aboard ship. If he loved you, he would have approached you. He would have done something.’ She narrowed her eyes at her sister. ‘Did he?’
‘No!’
Was that too vehement a denial? She couldn’t tell.
‘In any event,’ Grace continued. ‘Father thinks I should marry him. And we all believe he is safe.’
‘Because we know what he wants.’
‘Yes. The boat. And he will let me navigate the boat and I can live safely on it.’
‘For how long?’ pressed Lucy. ‘How will you climb the ratlines when you are pregnant with his child?’
‘Ching Shih did.’
‘And will he kill to protect you? You have said that a boat is too small a place, that it is too difficult to hide when everyone knows you are a woman.’
She leaned forward, and Grace could see the sheen of tears in her sister’s eyes.
‘Remember your last voyage before you came back to the temple? You said the sailors had blamed you for the storms. They’d tried to kill you—their only navigator—because you were a woman. You said you could not risk that again.’
‘And we sailed to England.’
‘You don’t want to sail any more. Admit it.’
Grace’s eyes dropped, because they both knew it was true. A short voyage with a trustworthy crew would be all right. But a long voyage such as Lord Domac planned would be too dangerous for a woman to risk. Even his wife.
Now that her point had been made, Lucy turned the conversation back to the Duke. ‘What do you think Lord Byrning wants?’
Grace pursed her lips. ‘I told you. Novelty. He seems to delight in learning about new things.’
And she admired that. So few men ever wanted to learn new things simply for the joy of learning. But that character trait came with a flaw. The moment she ceased being new or different, he would look somewhere else.
She gripped her sister’s fingers. ‘He will not be interested in me once I have told him all my tales.’
‘Maybe... Or maybe not. Father said the Duke has to take a wife because he must have children. It’s an English rule. Perhaps you can measure out your tales? Keep him interested long enough to marry you.’ She leaned forward, her words light. ‘The Duke is very handsome, isn’t he?’
Grace’s lips curved in an embarrassed smile. ‘There was a moment on the bridge when he stepped into the sun. Mei mei , he was surrounded by light as if heaven blessed him. I felt such heat inside me. Just being near him burned the air from my lungs. And every time he smiles I see that again. I feel that again.’
She would not confess that to any other person, but she and Lucy had been sharing secrets since their youngest days. These feelings the Duke created in her were so large she had to tell someone. She had to understand why she ached every time she thought of him.
‘You are in love,’ Lucy said.
Grace dropped back onto the bed, her disdain obvious. ‘Love or not, I do not make decisions based on feelings .’ She all but sneered the word.
Lucy was silent for a while, and then she spoke, her words gentle. ‘I think you should marry the Duke. He is rich and powerful and he will keep you safe.’
Grace stared at the ceiling for a long time, trying to sort through all the emotions churning within her. But in the end one question lifted to the top. One question that must be answered first before anything else could be decided.
‘Do you really think it is possible?’ she asked. ‘That we could marry so well? Us?’
They were both of mixed blood. Half-people. That made them undesirable in China. Could the English be so very different?
‘I don’t know,’ Lucy answered. ‘Maybe if they fall madly in love with us they will not think that we are half-people.’
‘I do not think the Duke is a man to fall madly in love,’ Grace said.
He was too even-tempered for that. Even angry—and he had certainly been furious with his aunt—he had kept his tone even and his mannerisms controlled. No, the Duke was not a man to be ruled by any emotions, even one as pretty as love.
Lucy settled down beside her sister. ‘I think I should spend some time with the Duke. If it is only novelty he wants then he will look to me, because I’ll be new and different. But...’ She grinned as she met her sister eye to eye. ‘If he still looks at you, then you will know he wants you.’
Or else she would know that his eye would always turn to the next new thing. She didn’t want to guess what she would feel if the Duke began looking at Lucy instead of her. The very idea cut her deep inside.
Lucy would not let the subject drop. ‘Do you think we can convince Father to let me join you in Hyde Park?’ she asked. ‘That will be proper.’
‘Everyone will be looking at us. Two half-Chinese girls in Hyde Park.’
Lucy flinched. She never liked being the centre of attention. ‘That will be awful.’
‘Maybe. But you cannot hide away for ever.’ Grace touched her arm. ‘You need the practice in public, and I will be there to keep you safe.’
‘Very well...’ Lucy pretended to give in, even though she had been the one to suggest the outing in the first place. ‘But I’m only going because you need someone to keep you from spouting nonsense about pirate queens.’
Grace snorted. ‘He loved those tales!’
‘Remember not to overwhelm him with strange stories. We want him to think that we are normal women. Women who can be good wives.’
‘I will try,’ Grace said, her voice low.
All her faults rolled through her head, the things the monks had said over and over until she heard the words in her sleep.
‘But we both know that I am too restless to be a good wife. I am too much like a man. I am too loud—’
‘Stop it!’ Her sister hit her with her fist, but there was no power behind it. ‘You will stop repeating those lies.’
‘But—’
‘We are half-people, da jie ,’ she said, using the loving term for big sister. ‘We must be double in order to be whole. So you cannot be too much of anything. It is not logical.’
Grace slanted her sister a fond look. ‘Well, if it is not logical, then it must be a lie.’
‘Exactly.’
‘Because the world—and most especially men—always act logically.’
‘Just because men are flawed, it does not mean we must be.’ Lucy lifted her chin. ‘Stop worrying. We will learn more tomorrow, when we go to the park. And if the Duke doesn’t immediately fall at your feet then I will be on hand to make sure he tumbles deeply in love.’
Grace groaned. ‘Even you cannot be so foolish.’
‘Try to believe, da jie . It is possible for both of us.’
Grace didn’t say anything. She didn’t want to crush her sister’s childish dreams. But in her head she repeated what she knew was the wisest course. She would make no decisions based on emotion. In that, she and the Duke were the same.
Which meant neither of them would ever tumble into love with the other.