Chapter 13
Thirteen
“Mama!” Alistair flung himself into Rowen’s arms, tears streaming down his face.
Rowen shifted on the new sofa, her heart thundering in her chest as she wrapped her arms around her son. She moved the book she had been reading out of the way so Alistair could snuggle closer.
“What happened, Alistair? Are you hurt?” Blood pounded in her ears as she ran her hands over him, looking for an injury.
Alistair shook his head, but his words were muffled by his sobs.
Rowen made soothing noises, gently stroking his hair as she rocked him. She could not remember the last time she had seen him so upset.
“It will be all right. Hush, I am here, little one. You are safe.” She rocked him, feeling his tears drip from his face onto her dress as he burrowed into her. “Come now, just breathe. Just breathe. It will be all right.”
Alistair sniffled, tremors subsiding as he slumped against her. “I’m sorry, Mama. I know boys shouldn’t cry.”
“We all need to cry sometimes, darling. You do not need to apologize for that. I just want to make sure you are all right. Are you hurt? What happened?” She brushed his hair from his forehead and pressed a gentle kiss to it.
“I am too stupid to be an earl,” Alistair wailed. “I’m going to be a failure just like my father.”
“What? Who told you that?” Rowen’s hackles rose, and she pulled him back, wanting to get a better look at his face. “Your father was not a failure—”
“He was. I know he was a bad man. I heard Aunty Verity talking to Aunty Adele about it once, and sometimes I hear the servants say things, and I know I am not supposed to eavesdrop, and I didn’t mean to, but…
” Alistair’s bottom lip trembled. “I don’t want to be like my father. I don’t want to be a bad man.”
Rowen’s heart clenched, crumbling into pieces as she looked at her son’s tear-streaked face. “You could never be a bad man. You are good through and through.”
“But Father was useless—that is what everyone says. And he hurt you, and I don’t want to do that.” Fresh tears filled Alistair’s eyes. “I know you tried to hide it from us because you didn’t want us to know how bad he was.”
“I wanted you to have good memories of him. There was some decency in him, and I know he loved you both.” Rowen let out a sigh.
“Perhaps I should have told you the truth about him sooner, but you are so young.
And I did not want you to be ashamed of who you are.
Your father is a part of you, but what kind of man you choose to be is up to you.
There are men with truly wonderful fathers who grow up to be awful.
There are plenty of men with terrible fathers who grow into amazing, courageous men.
“You write your own destiny, my darling. Good men are made by their decisions, and I know that you will do your best to be a kind and noble man.”
She gave him a tight squeeze, fishing a handkerchief from her pocket and wiping the tears from his cheeks.
“I just want to make you proud and be a good earl.” Alistair rubbed his nose with his shirt sleeve.
“I am so proud of you. And I have no doubt you will be an amazing earl.” Rowen looked into her son’s eyes and added in a softer voice, “Is it just worry about your father that has upset you, or is it something else?”
“It is my lesson.” Alistair bit his lip. “The Duke was trying to teach me fractions, and I could not understand, and it was too hard, and I got cross and angry, and then I was too stupid, and I left.”
Rowen’s jaw clenched so tight that she heard her teeth groan in protest. With a gargantuan effort, she kept her tone light and pleasant as she looked at her son.
“You go and find Georgie. I think she was playing in the garden. Go to the kitchen and tell Cook that I said you could have some cake and biscuits.”
“What about my lesson?” Alistair asked.
“I think we are done with lessons for the day. You go find your sister.” Rowen stood up and gave him a quick hug.
He nodded and sprinted off.
She waited until she was sure he would not see her, and then she stalked out of the drawing room. Anger coursed through her, making her steps so heavy she was sure she was shaking the ground.
Of course, he would do this. How could I think I could trust him with my son? Stupid woman. Stupid, foolish woman.
She marched down the corridor and flung open the door to Tobias’s study so hard that it bounced off the wall.
“What did you do to my son?” Her voice shook with barely contained rage as she marched into the room.
Tobias rose from the armchair he had been sitting in, a glass of whiskey in one hand. His hair was disheveled, and a faint line of stubble covered his jaw. His eyes flashed when he saw her, but Rowen was too furious to care.
“Exactly what do you think you are doing, storming into my study like this?” He straightened to his full height.
Rowen strode towards him. “Getting answers. What the hell did you do to my son?”
“I did not do anything to him,” Tobias retorted.
But Rowen saw a hint of uncertainty flicker across his face. She pounced on it like a dog with a bone.
“We both know that is not true. Do not insult my intelligence by denying it.”
“As you have your mind made up, why don’t you tell me exactly what it is you think I have done?” Tobias growled.
“You made him feel like an idiot! He burst into the drawing room crying and shaking and telling me that he was too stupid to be an earl.” Rowen was shaking with the effort not to lunge at him.
Tobias’s eyes widened, and he made a placating gesture. “I never said that to him.”
“Clearly, you said something to him! He was beside himself.” Rowen dug her nails into her palms, using the pain to ground herself.
Every maternal instinct in her screamed to wound the man who had hurt her children. She did not care if he was taller and stronger than her. She did not care that he was one of the most powerful men in the country. He could have been the King, and that would not have spared him from her ire.
No one hurts my children.
“Our lesson was more complicated than usual. He was struggling. It does not help that he is as combative as you are. He is constantly pushing back,” Tobias grunted.
“So you sunk to his level?” Rowen snorted. “You are a grown man, for goodness’ sake, and he is nine!”
“Exactly! He is years behind other boys his age—how is he supposed to cope when he goes to Eton if the extent of his arithmetic knowledge is addition and subtraction? They will eat him alive.” Tobias closed the distance between them, his lips curled downward.
“He has had a governess for far too long; the boy should have had tutors ages ago.”
“At least his governess has never made him cry!” Rowen shot back. “And how dare you punish him simply because he has not had access to what others have? He is a child, and he is doing his best. If I could have hired tutors, I would have.”
“You did your best, I am not denying that, but the fact is, he is well behind his peers. I am pushing him because he needs to know these things.” Tobias’s voice softened as he turned away from her and took a step towards the window, but it did nothing to quell her anger.
“He is my child!” she hissed.
“He is an earl!” Tobias snapped. “You agreed to this. There are things he must learn.”
“There may be things he must learn, but that does not change the fact that I am his mother. I brought him into this world. I have kept him safe, I have protected him and taught him what I can, and I will be there for him long after all of this is but a memory.” Rowen stepped towards him.
“He is my son, not one of your soldiers. I will not let you treat him like that.”
Tobias’s eyes narrowed. “Do not think to give me orders, Duchess.”
“I do not care what you do to me, Duke. Where my children are concerned, I will not be cowed or bullied.” She closed the distance between them, her heart thundering so loudly that she thought it might burst. “I may have failed to protect them from their father, but I will not make that mistake again. I would do anything for them, and I will not let you hurt them.”
Tobias was breathing heavily, his whole body shaking as he looked at her with cold eyes. She stared back at him, fury lending her strength.
“I am not a monster.” His voice was little more than a hiss. “I am not the kind of… I will not hurt them.”
“You already have, Tobias.” Rowen had no mercy left in her. “You may be my husband, but so help me, if you ever do anything to upset them again, I will make sure you regret it until the end of your days.”
“Is that a threat?” Tobias’s eyes flashed.
“Yes.” Rowen tilted her chin up.
Silence stretched between them.
Tobias loomed over her, half his face cast in shadow. Every hair on Rowen’s body stood on end, but she would not back down.
“Very well,” Tobias murmured, taking a step back. “Let us make one thing clear, Duchess. I will forgive this threat because I see how much you care for your children, but I will not be so forgiving next time.”
Before Rowen could retort, Tobias ran a hand through his hair and said, “I think we need to rethink some things. After all, this is only a temporary arrangement. You have asked me to keep my distance from the children. Perhaps that would be for the best. I will hire another tutor for Alistair, and we will stop our private lessons. You will do your best to dissuade the children from seeking me out.”
He turned to her, hands clasped behind his back, his whole face shrouded in shadow. “Are you happy now? That is what you wanted, isn’t it?”
Rowen nodded. “It is.”
Ice filled her chest, anger leaving her like air from a balloon. She had wanted this. She wanted Tobias to keep his distance, and clearly, he had upset Alistair. This was the right decision.
“I will apologize to Alistair for upsetting him, of course,” Tobias added into the thickening silence between them. “I have no wish for him to think me unreasonable. And if I do not apologize, he might think that it is acceptable to behave this way with others.”
Rowen nodded, trying to understand the maelstrom of emotions in her chest. “An apology would be appreciated, I am sure. And I will do what I can to dissuade the children from seeking you out. Though you need not go out of your way to avoid them.”
“I will not. But I think we both know that distance would be best.” Tobias gave her a smile that was as cold as a winter morning. “After all, we need to return to our separate lives.”
“We do,” Rowen agreed, her voice sounding strangely distant.
“Now, if you have gotten your outrage out of your system, I have work to do.” Tobias gestured towards his desk.
Rowen nodded. She was a little bit irked by his dismissal, but she decided to leave. She knew she had already pushed him to his limits with her outburst.
She left the room, a hand on her chest.
“It is better this way. The children will not get attached, and I will not have to deal with teary nine-year-olds,” she muttered. “He is a husband, not a father. And I do not want him to be one. I do not need one.”
She repeated the words over and over, but each time, they felt less convincing.