Chapter 14 #2
“The entire proposal was his; he did all the work. Of course, he should have a controlling share.”
“Plenty of men would have squeezed him out of the deal or tied him only to what he could have afforded to invest, which would have meant he had no control. Or, if they had behaved as you did, they would have held it over his head, making it clear that this was a favor they expected repaying.”
“Ruthless, that is what you must be. The world is cutthroat, boy. There is no place for honor.”
His father’s words echoed in his mind, and he shifted. “If I had done that, I would have made an enemy of the man.”
“And most of your peers would not care about that. After all, you have a higher rank, more wealth, and more power than most men in England.” Martha gave him a serious look. “Do not sell yourself short.”
“I don’t. I simply do not want to take more credit than I deserve. My motives were based on logic. Giving him a controlling share kept him on my side and also reduced my workload. You make it sound like I did something heroic, but it was simply good business sense.”
Tobias realized he had been standing at attention and forced his hands to unclench and drop back to his sides.
“Be that as it may, the Baron has asked me to be his governess. His lands are far enough North that it will be a fresh start for little Erica and me. He has connections and has arranged for me to take on a new identity.” Martha bit her lip, cheeks coloring slightly as she eyed him nervously.
“I will be Martha Thomas, widow of the late Mr. Thomas, a soldier in the army.”
Tobias frowned. “Those connections sound less than savory.”
“I know that, but the future he promises is a good one. It may not be what I hoped for, but it is the best I can have.” Martha looked at Erica, who was curled into a small ball on the chaise. “It is the best chance for her to have a good life.”
Tobias studied his niece. She was so small and so sweet, curled up beneath the blanket.
She reminded him so much of Eric and the way he had often curled into himself when he slept.
He wanted to pick her up, to hold her close to him and growl at the world, but he held himself in check, sliding his hands into his pockets.
How can I keep you safe if you are not even here?
“Please, say something.” Martha’s voice drew him back to the present, and he heard the worry in it. “I know you probably do not approve of the bit about the papers and my pretending to be a soldier’s widow, but you must know that I will not claim a pension or anything like that!”
“You would hardly be the first woman to claim such a thing. If Eric had lived, you would not need to.” Tobias swallowed, his eyes drifting to his niece again. “And I know you would not defraud the army. The Baron will give you and Erica a better life; how could I want anything else?”
Yet, even as he said the words, something stirred within him. It was sharp and hard, making his heart beat faster and his chest tighten.
For a moment, he was back on the battlefield, watching as men were felled by bullets, and he was powerless to stop them. The memory made him frown.
What is wrong with me?
Martha’s smile grew, the tension in her shoulders vanishing as she moved towards him. “And of course, you will be able to visit, and we shall still visit you. I know how important Erica is to you.”
“She is my niece.”
She is the only part of Eric that remains in this world.
He felt a hollowness spread through his chest.
“The Baron is often traveling and feels that his children should do so too, which means little Erica and I will get to go too.” Martha swept her hand across her daughter’s face, brushing a lock of hair from her forehead.
“It is good that he will allow Erica to accompany you.”
Tobias thought of the many families that forbade servants from doing such a thing.
“I think he wants to make her his ward. He seemed rather charmed by her when we first met, and his own daughter somewhat lacks female companionship.” Martha was beaming now, though her smile faltered when her eyes fell on Eric’s portrait.
“It is not quite the same as being the daughter of a duke, but she will want for nothing.”
Tobias remembered the Baron speaking fondly of his children, and it was clear he doted on them. If he showed Erica that same kindness, she would no doubt be well cared for and cherished.
His chest twisted.
Eric would hate the thought of them living so far away. He would have known how to keep them safe. They would not need to do this.
“When will you leave?” Tobias asked.
The pressure in his chest increased as he pictured Erica in a carriage traveling up North. He could not bring himself to look at his brother’s smiling face.
“In a month or so. We need to make some arrangements, and the Baron wishes to hire guards to accompany us on the journey, and must make sure they are reputable,” Martha explained. “And he wants to plan out a route and ensure we only stay at inns where he can be assured of our safety.”
“It seems he has thought of everything.” Tobias felt a coldness seep over his body.
That is what I should have done. It is what Eric would have done.
“It is good to know that he wishes to care for you so well.”
“It is. I really think that we will want for nothing while we are with him. Well, almost nothing.” Martha’s eyes drifted back to Eric’s portrait, and her smile faded.
“He would want this for you. The fact that you will be taken care of far better than I could ever hope to manage—I suspect he will be smiling upon all of us.” Tobias’s voice sounded distant to his own ears.
“You have been a lifeline. I know that your brother would be proud.” Martha gave him a kind smile.
Tobias nodded.
Perhaps if I had done more, you would not be taking my niece to the other side of the country.
It was a selfish thought, but he would not spoil her happiness with it.
“Although you will be under the Baron’s care, you should know that if you are ever in need of anything, I will always be here.
My brother loved you a great deal, and I would not want my niece to suffer.
You are both family, even though you and Eric were never married. I think of you as my sister-in-law.”
“I know that.” Martha stroked Erica’s hair, her face soft with love as she looked at her daughter. “And it is kind, but with any luck, we will not need your assistance.”
Her words were kind, but they felt like a dagger to his heart. The feeling only increased his guilt.
He knew he should be happy, thrilled even. His niece was getting a life he could not even have dreamed of. Martha, too, would be looked after.
But why does it feel like I have failed?
Tobias could not help but look at Eric’s portrait and wonder just what his brother would think of the situation. No doubt, he would have known what to do.