Chapter 42
Nathanial
Arriving at the house the Littles had rented for the Season, Nathanial took a deep breath, tapping his cane against the stone walk beneath his feet. It was difficult not to feel a certain way about visiting his in-laws, especially without his wife as a buffer.
But it was necessary.
Just as he wanted Kalina to put him first, that meant putting her first as well.
And that meant finding a way to rub along with his father-in-law.
Taking another deep breath, he lifted his chin and went to knock on the front door. It took less than two minutes for him to be escorted inside to where Mr. Little was in the library. The older man stood as Nathanial was shown in.
Though Kalina resembled her mother far more than her father, there were some similarities between them, mostly in their movements.
The way Mr. Little stood calmly waiting, the slight hint of worry in his brow.
If Nathanial had not gotten to know his wife so well, he was not sure he would have caught the concern in Mr. Little’s expression.
“Your Grace. This is an unexpected honor.” Mr. Little gestured to the leather chair across from the one he’d been sitting in. “Would you like to sit down?”
“Yes, thank you.”
Mr. Little nodded at the butler, dismissing him. To the right of Mr. Little’s chair was a tray with a decanter and several snifters on it.
“Brandy?”
“Please.” It sure as hell could not hurt, and it might even help.
After pouring Nathanial a generous amount and handing it over, Mr. Little added a bit to his own snifter, which had not yet been finished.
It was another sign of the other man’s nerves, which strangely helped Nathanial to feel more relaxed.
Since the first day, he’d felt as though Mr. Little had no regrets and was completely self-assured in the correctness of his actions.
To see him less than fully confident was strangely reassuring.
Nathanial took a sip of his brandy before speaking, as he was uncertain of where to begin. He’d had the entire walk over to think about it, and had not been able to come up with exactly what he might say.
Especially since part of him had expected Mr. Little to be blustery and defensive from the start, not nervously welcoming.
They sat in silence for a long moment.
“Well. I thought perhaps it was time for us to speak,” Nathanial said finally. “Man to man, as it were.”
Mr. Little nodded slowly.
“I suppose you want an explanation.”
“I would appreciate one.” He did not think the man would be able to explain things in such a manner that Nathanial would agree with the actions he’d taken, but he did want to know what had driven the man to act.
“I knew Kalina was aiming for a duke. Lady Astrid and Tiffany were clear about that and their support of her. We all understood your desire for your daughter to outrank your father and why. But considering Montagu’s interest in her at the house party…
why me? Why resort to such a possibly ruinous tactic?
What if I had not done the honorable thing?
You risked everything you were working toward, everything Kalina had done for your goal. Why?”
The question came out more forcefully than he’d intended, and he found that he was angry not just on his behalf, but his wife’s.
She deserved more from her father.
Mr. Little studied Nathanial for another long moment, as though he was formulating his words, and Nathanial clenched his jaw against saying more. If he did not give the man the opportunity to speak, he would never get his answers. But it took some effort because he wanted to shout at the man.
Taking in a deep breath, Mr. Little put his snifter down on the little table beside him, the amber liquid swirling from the movement.
“I realized I wanted my daughter happy more than I wanted my father to acknowledge me.” His eyes were calm. Steady.
It was so far from anything Nathanial might have expected the other man to say, he did not know how to assimilate the information.
“You two were making a hash of things,” Mr. Little continued, his voice low, thoughtful.
Almost as though he was remembering all of it.
“Montagu was circling, and you were making excuses about why you could not marry Kalina. I heard you, you know, one night when you were speaking. But everyone could see the spark between you. It reminded me very much of me and my wife when we met.” His lips curved in a nostalgic smile.
“Unlike you, we did not fight our own emotions; we only had to fight her family and eventually, mine.”
“I…” Nathanial started to speak, then stopped because he did not actually know what he wanted to say.
In many ways, Mr. Little was correct.
He took another swallow of brandy while the older man kept talking.
“Everyone could see that you and Kalina were drawn to each other. Marriage to Montagu would not have made her happy, not when you exist. Then the matchmaker came, and I knew I could not leave anything to chance. You both would have been miserable, married to others. I realized I wanted her happiness, above all else. Even if she never spoke to me again. Even if I ruined my chances of my father acknowledging me. It was a risk I had to take because I wanted to give her a chance at happiness. If you had not married her, we would have left England for her sake again. Gone to the Continent to travel. Or perhaps to America.”
Mr. Little was no longer looking at Nathanial; he was talking almost to himself, remembering the contingency plans he’d made if Nathanial had not done the honorable thing.
“What if I had not forgiven her? What if I had turned out to be an utter cad who mistreated her horribly because you trapped me into marriage with her?”
“I had plenty of opportunity to observe you at the house party, Your Grace. Often, when you had no idea I was doing so. That was not in your nature. You are an honorable man, and I knew that no matter my actions, you would not harm Kalina.”
Harm? No.
Spank? Yes. And Nathanial still felt like a cad for having done so the first time. Though he did realize that was his wife’s fault, not her father’s. Though part of him wanted to blame the man because he’d rather be mad at his father-in-law than at his wife.
But if Kalina should not take responsibility for her father’s actions, neither should he place blame on her father for hers.
In some ways, he even understood the man.
The temptation to do something similar to Zachary and Delilah was strong.
Watching Zachary ruin his life by marrying the wrong person, for nothing but sheer stubbornness and a sense of duty to his mother, was wildly frustrating.
If he could think of a way to force those two to the altar… would he do it?
Maybe.
But that was different. Because he knew them, knew how they were together, and knew without a doubt that they were in love with each other, even if neither would admit to it.
He and Kalina…
They’d had a spark. He’d been resisting. Mr. Little was not wrong about that.
“It still should have been my choice.” That was the sticking point. The one he could not get away from.
“It should have.” Mr. Little’s easy agreement took the wind right out of Nathanial’s sales.
“My wife has pointed out to me that, regardless of my opinions about the choice you were making, it was yours to make. Just as we made our choice when we married each other. For that, I do apologize. As my wife says, sometimes I act without thinking. This was something I should not have done. I do not expect forgiveness to come immediately, or easily, or even at all, though I do hope we can rub along civilly, for Kalina’s sake. ”
“I as well. That is why I came today.”
Something flashed across Mr. Little’s face. Relief? Satisfaction? Perhaps a little of both. Nathanial could not deny that he would have been miserable seeing Kalina marry someone else, especially one of his friends.
Knowing that her father had not been thinking of himself when he’d tipped Nathanial into Kalina’s bed, that he’d been thinking of them… well, it did not make everything better, but it helped. He was glad to know the man had a contingency plan if Nathanial had not done the honorable thing.
“I do not know if I can forgive you yet,” Nathanial admitted. “But I think we can at least get along for now. For Kalina’s sake.”
Now the expression on Mr. Little’s face was definitely one of relief.
“I am glad to hear that, Your Grace. I’ve missed my daughter. Though it does me good to see her happy… far happier than she was when we first arrived.”
“I am curious… what would you have done if I was not a duke?” This seemed the most opportune moment to ask such impertinent questions since Mr. Little was speaking so frankly.
Whether or not they’d ever talk like this again…
he wanted to strike while the other man was more vulnerable, more willing to share his inner thoughts.
“I should never have put the burden of reconciling me with my family on her. Though, to be fair to myself, she also took far more of the burden onto herself than I ever meant her to. It was something I had thought of, but it was never the requirement she took it as.” Mr. Little shook his head.
“I wanted it, but she made it into her mission. That is something you have to be very careful about, Your Grace. If you tell Kalina that you desire something, she will ignore all her own needs to make it happen.”
Nathanial had noticed that about her.
He supposed that was why, when her father noticed that she wanted something—that something being Nathanial—he’d acted so precipitously.
When he looked at it that way—being wanted so badly by Kalina that her father had trapped Nathanial into marriage with her—it was almost a compliment. One that completely ignored Nathanial and Kalina’s choices and any sense of agency in their own lives.
But a compliment.
He needed to grasp whatever reasons he could for forgiving his father-in-law. That was the whole point of coming here today.
Taking a long sip of his brandy, Nathanial leaned back in his chair.
“How is Kalina settling in with your sisters?” Mr. Little asked.
“Very well. They love her and she dotes on them.” Any worries he’d had about Kalina’s ability to guide them through the ton had dissipated.
Anything his wife did not know, her friends would be able to assist her with.
She might not have the same social standing as a lady whose parent was not estranged from their titled father, but she had social allies.
Strong ones. “My youngest sister in particular, Fiona, adores her.”
Slowly, Nathanial settled as he and Mr. Little conversed, starting with Nathanial’s sisters, which led to Mr. Little sharing some memories of Kalina when she was a child, which led to them talking about India.
They skirted any sensitive subjects, such as Mr. Little’s family, Nathanial’s father, and anything financial, but it ended up being a rather enjoyable and revealing conversation.
They would certainly be able to be in each other’s company in the future after this. By the time Nathanial left the Littles’ house, he was fairly certain he would eventually even be able to forgive his father-in-law.
Eventually.
Acknowledging that they would see each other at the Tremaine ball later that evening before Nathanial left, he headed home feeling rather chuffed. He would be able to surprise his wife tonight by being able to speak with her parents without antagonism. Something that should make her happy.
Which, along with making his sisters happy, was all he wanted now.