Chapter 43
Chapter Forty-Three
Matthew
The day had been exhausting, and Matthew was very happy to be home with his grandmother and Johanna’s family for supper rather than out with his friends.
The impromptu gathering had dispersed not long after Zachary’s dramatic exit.
Matthew had wanted to go after him, but he had not wanted to leave Johanna, and without his coin to help him, he’d decided that his wife had to take precedence.
Thankfully, unlike his friends, none of the ladies seemed upset with Johanna. Including Tiffany.
He’d noticed that Drake and Sebastian had hung back from her, but that could have been for other reasons, even if it was partly due to their grief. Matthew would not push them.
Hopefully, things would soon return to normal. Emotions had been heightened today. He hoped Zachary would calm down.
Regardless of whether he did or not, Matthew would be there to protect Johanna and her family. He did not believe Zachary would truly send the authorities after her mother… he was angry and lashing out, but he was not that far gone.
In the meantime, Matthew would do whatever he needed to ensure his wife’s happiness.
He glanced at her beside him at the dinner table and could not help but smile as she listened to Micah enthusiastically expounding about the book his tutor had assigned him today.
Apparently, Micah had a great love for the stoics.
Rose was listening to Charlotte and Bridget take turns describing their lessons—Bridget was far more enthusiastic about them now that they’d started.
And his grandmother and Johanna’s mother sat beside each other, discussing the latest fashions and his grandmother’s opinions on how they should outfit Lady Ashmore tomorrow.
She seemed to have accepted her fate as his grandmother’s latest project.
Johanna’s hand touched his, and Matthew blinked out of his observation of the table at large.
“Is everything all right?” she asked softly, leaning toward him. He caught her fingers in his.
“Everything is perfect.” He squeezed her fingers. “I was just thinking how happy I am with our supper table. I would much rather be here than at any ball… or anywhere else, really.”
Tomorrow, they would have to attend the Manchester Ball, of course. The social whirl was a demanding mistress. But right now, he was so very content just like this.
Johanna’s smile in return was brilliant.
“As would I,” she murmured back before Micah said something to garner her attention again.
After supper, they all retired to the drawing room for a rousing game of charades.
Charlotte was easily the most dramatic of the group, though Bridget ran a close second.
Johanna was terrible, to everyone’s amusement and gentle teasing.
His grandmother and mother-in-law did not join in, but they did thoroughly enjoy themselves laughing at the antics of the younger generations.
The evening was over far too quickly, with Miss Swift escorting Charlotte and Bridget up to bed, while Micah trotted dutifully after them. Lady Ashmore walked more slowly, with Rose and Johanna by her side.
Leaning against his chair, Matthew sipped his brandy as the room emptied out. Once the ladies were gone, he was going to sit down and enjoy a few moments of peace and quiet before he followed his wife upstairs.
His grandmother paused beside him. She shook her head.
“You do have the devil’s own luck, I swear,” she said.
Raising his eyebrow, Matthew looked down at her.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I truly did not think you could flip a coin for love, but here you are,” she replied, chuckling as she reached up to pat his cheek.
“Married and in love. Johanna is a true delight, but I cannot countenance what massive luck you had to have things all fall out this way. I suppose there is no end to it.”
With that, she left him there, standing and blinking.
Married and in love.
He’d had the thought, of course, multiple times.
Even tried to flip his coin over it.
But to have his grandmother confirm it.
It was not just him. Not just in his head. She would not say it unless she also saw what was truly between him and Johanna.
Love.
He was in love with his wife.
Yes. Yes, he was. And he did not need his coin to tell him so.
Matthew lifted his glass to his lips and took a long draw as another thought occurred to him.
He had not reached for his coin all night. Had he? He could not remember. Which was a kind of shocking discovery in and of itself. He must not have, because if he had, surely he would have noticed its absence. As he had done previously.
But once he was home, with his wife and his family, he must not have felt the need for it.
How very curious.
So.
What did he want to do now?
I want my wife.
Matthew threw back the rest of his drink and set it down on the drink tray. He wanted his wife; therefore, he should have his wife.
Grinning, he headed for the stairs.
Johanna
After seeing her mother to her room, she and Rose hugged and said goodnight as well. It had been quite a day, and Johanna could feel herself flagging. All she wanted to do right now was curl up with her husband. To feel him against her. The safety and security of him wrapped around her.
There was a sense of relief in having everything out in the open, even though the Duke of Grafton had taken it poorly.
She had noticed that Ormonde and Bolton were more distant with her as well.
Johanna did not blame any of them. Matthew had explained on the way home from Clarence House that he had not told them where his information came from, though they had guessed it must be her or one of her family members.
Which explained why Grafton’s anger had been focused on her. He wanted someone, anyone, to focus his emotions on.
Understanding made it only marginally easier to bear.
She clung to the knowledge that Tiffany had not changed in her behavior toward Johanna at all. Neither had any of the other ladies. They were her friends in the truest sense of the word.
Her husband, rather than Nettie, was waiting for her in her room, wearing a dressing gown. Somehow, he had beaten her up here and gotten undressed. Johanna’s lips curved into a smile when she saw him standing by her vanity, and she closed her bedroom door behind her, locking it.
“Are you my ladies’ maid this evening?” she asked teasingly, her skirts swishing as she walked toward him.
His eyes sparked with warmth and hungry interest.
“Yes, my lady,” he murmured, reaching for her. Johanna sank into his embrace, tilting her head back to receive his kiss. Pressing her hands against his chest, she let herself fall into the heady embrace. Heat flared within her as his hands moved over her.
Her husband. Her knight-in-shining armor. Her protector.
Despite the bonds between him and his friends, he’d kept his promise of protection today. Put himself between her and the Duke of Grafton’s anger.
When his lips raised from hers, tenderness in his eyes, Johanna stared up at him and gathered her own courage.
“I love you,” she whispered. His eyes widened in surprise, and she lifted her fingers to his lips before he could reply.
“I do not expect you to return my feelings nor need you feel compelled to respond, but I… I had to tell you. It is not only because you rescued me, but because of your kindness. Your warmth. The way you make me laugh. The very essence of who you are. I do not care that your coin chose me; I only care that we are together.”
Grabbing hold of her wrist so she could not move her hand, Matthew kissed the tips of her fingers. His gaze bore into hers as he pulled them away from his mouth.
“I love you,” he said.
Johanna frowned at him even as her heart did a little skip inside her chest, wishing it was true.
“You need not say it just because I did.”
“I know. But it is the truth. Even my grandmother recognizes it. I love you.”
“You cannot.”
Tilting his head to the side, he lifted one eyebrow at her.
“Why not?”
“Because I have not done anything for you.”
A deep chuckle rumbled through his chest. “Did you not just finish telling me that you love me for reasons besides what I have done for you?”
“I…” Johanna’s chest tightened, and she blinked, rapidly trying to sort through her thoughts. Yes, she had just said that. And meant it. But that was about him, not about her.
“I love you for your sweetness.” He kissed her fingertips again.
“The way you are always watching over your siblings.” He kissed the palm of her hand, and Johanna sucked in a breath.
“Your courage.” He pulled her arm higher, so his lips could reach her wrist. “Your acceptance of me… not many people can accept me the way I am, but you see straight through me.” His lips moved back to hers.
“When I flipped my coin at the auction house, I did not ask it if I should rescue you… My thought was whether or not I should marry you.”
Johanna closed her eyes as his lips brushed over hers.
“Even then, that was what I wished.”
“I am glad of it,” she whispered back. Warmth filled her chest—a happy, joyful feeling that made her feel both weaker and stronger all at once. “I love you.”
It felt so easy, so natural to say now.
She wanted to hear him say it back. Again.
Now, when she would be able to believe him.
“I love you,” he murmured. “My good girl. My sweet kitten.”
The emotion in Johanna’s heart swelled, her insides turning to melted butter at his endearments.
Their lips met.
Clothing began to fall to the floor.
“I love you.” He said the words over and over again, dropping kisses along her body as it was bared to him, whispering the words against her skin. Heat sizzled everywhere he touched her. Caressed her. Kissed her.
When they finally made it to the bed, she was whimpering from the desire that tightened her insides. She wanted to feel him within her, to be as close to him as possible. Matthew rolled onto his back, setting her atop him.
Blushing furiously, Johanna had to impale herself on his shaft, his hands full of her breasts, as he stared up at her, watching her move.
It felt shocking… and at the same time, watching his expression as he strained and groaned beneath her, feeling him thrust up inside her, being able to control their movements…
Johanna found herself reaching her pinnacle faster than she ever had before.
But he did not let her stop. His hands gripped her hips, moving her when she was already breathless and gasping from the flare of passion, sending crackling bolts of pleasure shooting through her.
“Matthew!” She did not know if she cried out in ecstasy or protest as the sensations became too intense to bear.
Her nails raked over his chest, and he let out a sound somewhere between a groan and a growl before flipping her onto her back.
His body was still between her thighs, his cock still hard inside her.
She wrapped her arms and legs around him as he took control and thrust hard and fast into her slick heat.
Exquisite agony spiraled inside her as the onslaught of pleasure rode the fine edge of pain, leaving her caught between them in a tug-of-war on her senses until he finally buried himself inside her.
He gasped against her neck as he rocked forward, rubbing his hard body against her sensitive flesh, throbbing as he emptied his pleasure within her.
Johanna shuddered beneath him, gasping for breath. His heavy weight pressed down on her, pinning her to the bed. Even though it made it a little harder to breathe, Johanna did not mind at all. She closed her eyes, turning her head toward him as she ran her hand down the center of his back.
There was no place she felt safer than in his arms, his body making a haven around her.
She wished they could stay like this forever.