Chapter 7
Chapter Seven
With the letter locked in her desk drawer, she dusted her hands together and used every ounce of her willpower to continue with her day. She turned her attention back, once again, to the management of her sisters’ calendar.
The evening meal passed the same way it did with all four sisters dining together, and as was usual, their parents dined out. Helena did not linger with her sisters in the sitting room after dinner that evening. She explained to them that she still had much to do before she could call it a day.
“I shall bid you all a good night.” She said as she kissed each sister on the cheek.
An hour passed when Helena heard the knock on her door.
“Helena?” Chastity’s face appeared behind the door. “May I come in? I am afraid that I am disturbing you.”
“Of course you may come in, Chastity.”
She pushed aside the lesson plan that Grace’s French tutor had submitted to her earlier that day and faced her sister.
“Is anything the matter?”
“Well, not really, no.” Chastity saw the number of letters and documents on Helena’s desk. “Really, Helena, you do too much. Do you not tire of such eternal bustle?”
Helena smiled at her.
“It is my responsibility as the eldest sister.”
“I cannot imagine myself doing what you are doing, being in control of everything.”
Helena frowned. She was not in control of everything.
“I wanted to ask you about your meeting with Mama and Papa earlier today.” Chastity continued.
“Ah, yes.”
“You only said that they wanted me to know that they are very pleased with me. We were never able to discuss it more once we left for the modiste after. And your day has been so full. Between that and the callers, the opportunity never arose for me to ask as well.”
“Of course.”
Helena sat on her bed and motioned for her sister to join her.
“Papa and Mama are indeed very pleased with the results of your first ball. Lady Chapman spoke to Mama about it as well.” Helena took her sister’s hand. “Papa also approves of the list of suitors I presented to him. He asked me if you have a preference.”
A blush spread across Chastity’s cheeks.
“And what did you say?”
“That you seem to favor Lord Strong.”
Her sister’s blush deepened.
“And Papa?”
Helena looked down at their joined hands.
“You know Papa, he preferred Lord Fleetwood.”
“Oh.”
“It is only because the Fleetwood name is more illustrious.”
“Of course.”
“Papa will still take your choice into consideration, of course.”
Helena winced.
“My choice. How strange to assume that they will even propose marriage.”
A trickle of annoyance made Helena frown.
“That is where all this leads to, Chastity. You know that. The whole London Season revolves around the marriage mart.”
“You needn’t be so short with me. I was just worried that you are tired after taking too much upon yourself.”
Helena drew in a breath. She was tired of it all. But it was, indeed, unfair of her to take it out on her sister.
“I apologize; I did not mean to sound surly.” She shrugged her shoulders. “In truth, I have no choice, and it is my duty to ensure you, Faith, and Grace all secure a good future.”
“I would like to be consulted about my own future,” Chastity said petulantly. “I follow everything you say, where to go, what time to go, who to meet, I would like to be able to choose for once!”
Helena could not speak for a moment; she felt hurt by Chastity’s words. Every effort she put in, every thought was for her sister, yet here she was, resentful of Helena. She schooled her voice to remain calm.
“I am only doing what is best for you, Chastity. It is my responsibility.”
“Yes, you keep saying that. We, Faith, Grace, and I are all your responsibilities.”
Where is this rebellion coming from?
“Have I ever led you astray, Chastity? Have I ever made a decision for you that turned out badly?”
“No.”
“Then why do you sound so resentful?”
Chastity stood from the bed, her hands clenched.
“Because you have made all the decisions for me! You! And you are not even my father; you are not even my mother.”
Chastity ran out of Helena’s room. Silence remained but her sister’s words rang loud in Helena’s mind. She felt a pain in her chest that seemed to clutch at her heart. How unjust were Chastity’s words, how cruel as well.
You are not even my mother.
Knowing how much she had given up, how much she had done for her sisters, made Chastity’s words sting so much more.
While it was true that her parents’ conditions for her independence entailed her undertaking her sisters’ futures, she had done it all even before any agreement with them was ever established.
She had taken care of her sisters because there was no one doing it. Because she loved them.
Tears stung her eyes. She felt all the injustice of Chastity’s words. Helena had always managed to push away feelings of self-pity, but tonight she could not. She felt as if she was in a cage; she was suffocating. She needed to feel free.
I must get away from this state.
For the first time in her life, Helena acted on impulse.
She was tired of being responsible; she was tired of duty.
Tired of convincing herself that her life was what she actually wanted.
She unlocked her desk drawer and took the book of poetry.
Then, bringing out her writing things, she wrote quickly.
Matteo sat behind his desk in the study. He planned to spend the entire day alone in his house, save for the servants. This rare occurrence would certainly puzzle his butler and housekeeper, he knew, but he could not risk being absent when—if—Helana sent him her reply. He chuckled to himself.
Perhaps I need a drink.
He already felt drunk, for the giddy feeling he had since writing the letter to Helena had never left him. He was also excited, exhilarated—and very expectant.
“Your move, Lady Helena.”
He raised his cup of tea, toasting his absent guest.
Have I been too bold? Yes, I probably have.
But he remembered the look in Helena’s eyes that night as they faced each other behind the hedge in the garden. It was that look that had moved him to action.
He drank the last of the tea in his cup, hoping for its soothing properties to calm him down. He was too excited; he could not wait for Helena’s reaction. Whatever that reaction might be.
I am far too strung. A walk in the gardens will help with all this energy.
Matteo walked to the door.
The knock sounded just as he reached for the door handle. Surprised, he moved aside as the door opened.
“A letter for you, Your Grace,” Mr. Bordley, his butler, said.
Matteo’s heart beat like a drum in his chest. He took the letter and quickly broke the seal. He smiled when he saw Helena’s initials.
“Thank you, Mr. Bordley.”
The butler bowed and left without another word.
Matteo hastily read Helena’s reply.
She asked him to meet her at Hyde Park. So you have decided to meet me head-on.
Matteo was impressed. He grinned broadly.
Helena requested to meet him at ten in the morning.
A mere half an hour from now. Are you hoping, Helena, for me to miss the meeting due to its early hour? I shall have to disappoint you.
As Matteo entered Hyde Park, he noted the lack of other people in the area; indeed, no sane Londoner would be out and about this early in the day. He was to meet her near the Grosvenor Gate, where he had run into her and her sister just recently.
Matteo spotted her even from a distance. He kept his pace even until she was finally aware of his arrival.
“Good morning, my lady.” Matteo bowed.
“Your Grace.” Helena curtsied. “Perhaps we should walk?”
Matteo acquiesced, and they moved at a slow pace. Neither spoke for a while, until they reached a grove of trees, and a bench placed near it. Matteo moved closer to the grove, and Helena followed.
Helena watched his every move. She stayed composed, but for the visible tension in her clasped hands.
“Would you like to take a seat, my lady?” Matteo indicated to the bench.
“Thank you, but I prefer to stand, Your Grace.”
In case you decide to flee?
“As you wish.”
The park was quiet, save for the rustling of the tree branches and the chirping of birds. The sun filtered through the leaves of the trees, casting dancing shadows on the ground.
Matteo stayed standing as well, watching her as she watched him.
“I have a question to ask,” Helena said suddenly.
Matteo bowed and waited.
“Have you really no intentions toward my sister?”
“None whatsoever.”
“Do not play your games with her,” Helena said in a threatening voice.
“I have no intention of doing such. That was never my goal, as I think you know.” Mateo answered as earnestly as he could.
“Then why did you approach Chastity at all?”
Matteo waited a beat. He knew his honest answer would give him away.
“To provoke you, of course.”
Silence followed. Helena opened her mouth as if to say something, but closed it again almost at once. Matteo continued.
“It was you. We have always had a grand time bickering, haven’t we? Even at Icedale Castle. Especially there, if you ask me, for the country affords one a certain freedom that one does not quite have here in Town, save in private.” He moved closer to her. “Our meetings were always so enjoyable.”
He could see the uncertainty in her eyes.
“This time I warn you, Your Grace, not to play your games with me.” Helena took a step towards him. “You must stop appearing wherever I go, for I do not welcome the attention our encounters are drawing.”
“What attention?” Matteo asked.
“Dahlia, for one, told me that she and Peter were curious about us. If she noticed, then Celine must as well, and others are bound to also notice.” Helena wrung her hands. “I cannot afford the gossip, and more importantly, I cannot let any scandal affect my sisters.”
Absorbing her words, Peter’s mind worked fast. An idea, so fantastic, was born in that moment.
Perhaps there is something that we may both find desirable.
His impulses that night had led him to where he was. And so far, it was in a place that he wanted to be. He would take a chance.
“Helena.”
She looked at him so suddenly, surprised by his use of her given name.
“I propose a false engagement between you and me.”
Matteo watched her eyes widen at his statement.
Have I gone crazy? Perhaps I have.
“You must be joking!”
His calm and serious expression seemed to convince her that he indeed was not. Helena moved to the bench and sat on it.
“If people believe us to be courting, there will be no gossip—not the destructive kind, that is. There will be no scandal, and more importantly, it will allow you to keep a closer watch on Chastity’s suitors, since there will be no unwanted advances on yourself. Your only focus will be on Chastity.
Helena sat absorbing his reasoning. Sensing that he was close to convincing her, Matteo pressed forward.
“I can be of actual help as well, for I will easily recognize every rake in London.”
As a rake myself.
Helena stood from the bench and walked about the grove in silence. Matteo stayed silent as well, waiting for her to speak. She stopped moving and turned to him.
“How will you benefit from it?”
Perhaps there is something that we may both find desirable.
Of course, she had not forgotten. He would actually be disappointed if she had. Matteo moved closer to her.
“Being connected to you would spare me the endless parade of matchmaking efforts from ambitious mamas. Indeed, I do not need a repeat of the events at Lady Chapman’s ball.”
Matteo shivered at the memory, genuinely not wanting a repeat of the experience. Being prey was not a very good feeling.
“Besides,” he continued with an indulgent smile, “we do argue so well that it is quite enjoyable. It would be such a shame to waste the opportunity of doing so frequently.”
Helena, not knowing what to say, shook her head and threw her hands up silently. She again took to walking in silent contemplation.
Matteo watched her. Her slim form, her simple coiffure, and tendrils of her golden hair danced with the morning breeze. Matteo had only seen her look this casual at Icedale Castle.
After a while, Helena stopped and went directly to face him. Matteo straightened. Eager to hear her answer. He did not want to think too much about why his heart beat so rapidly, or why he felt as if he stood on top of a cliff, poised to jump.
“Your Grace.”
“Matteo.”
Helena closed her eyes and let out a long breath. When she was ready, she looked him directly in the eyes.
“I think you are… mad.”
And without waiting for an answer, she turned on her heel and fled.