Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
The next few days seemed to pass by very quickly for Helena. And as if to testify to this, she felt extremely tired. On top of everything, Chastity had become even more withdrawn.
On Wednesday, Chastity had initiated a very rare conversation with her, and it was to ask why Matteo would not be able to accompany them to Lady Lister’s dinner and at Almack’s. Helena had chosen her words with care.
“I had thought to go by ourselves tonight.”
“Why?”
Because I have fallen for Matteo. Because all this has gone too far!
“Because we must not be so dependent on him.”
Of course, she had known that she would be asked where Matteo was and why he was not with them that evening. And indeed, did her predictions happen?
“Oh, the duke is not with you? How unfortunate.” Lady Lister had said, disappointment evident in her expression. “Well, no matter.”
Helena had pretended not to hear the gossip around her. They were, after all, reactions that she had predicted.
“…arrived without the duke.”
“…perhaps they are not as inseparable as it seemed…”
Instead, she had tried to focus all her energies on Chastity.
It seemed, as far as she could tell, that Lord Clifton had stopped pursuing her sister. But despite not seeing the gentleman’s presence in any of the events they had recently attended, Helena knew that she must never let her guard down.
As the evening had progressed and they had arrived at Almack’s, she could not help but wish that Matteo was there, not just to help her with Chastity but just to be there with her, beside her.
This evening would be the last social event that they would attend as a betrothed couple.
Watching her reflection in the mirror as Sally piled her hair on her head, she knew that she had put in more effort on her appearance tonight compared to any other night.
Call it pride or vanity, but Helena thought that if this was to be their final meeting, then she wanted Matteo to see her at her best.
And so it was with gratification when she saw Matteo sweep his gaze over her. He had stared at her and, for the briefest time, seemed to have wanted to tell her something. But perhaps it was all in her imagination, for the very next second, he had very politely asked if they were ready to leave.
Matteo, Helena, and Chastity were announced as they entered the ballroom of Granger House, the Earl and Countess of Bracken’s London residence. As with their other ball appearances, they were greeted and approached by a multitude of people.
“There are three groups calling us over,” Matteo said. “Which group would you like to go to?”
None of them. I would prefer to be alone with you.
She crushed the stalwart thought and forced herself to concentrate on the choices.
“I see my friend, Cecily. Perhaps to her group.”
“As you wish, my lady.” Matteo bowed.
“Wait, no. She will have so many questions about us.”
Helena glanced sideways at Matteo; she could not help the blush from forming in her cheeks. The memory of their kiss never failed to produce such a reaction from her.
“Alright,” Matteo answered evenly. “Where shall we go?”
If he noted her heated face, he did not show it.
“Perhaps we can just wave at them and proceed somewhere else?” Helena said tentatively. “I fear that I am not up to the task of talking too much this evening.”
Matteo raised both eyebrows but made a small bow in deference to her request.
They smiled and waved at each group as they passed them, making sure to keep a significant distance from them.
“Let us stay by the balcony doors,” Matteo suggested.
Helena looked quickly at him. She should not have been surprised that, even down to the last night of their arrangement, he was still fulfilling his duties to her, he was still looking out for Chastity.
“Yes, I believe that is a good place.”
From the other side of the ballroom, Chastity, who had joined a group of her friends, was in good spirits. She was lively and smiled often. So far from the mood she was in when she was with Helena.
Helena sighed silently.
“I do not see Lord Clifton about,” Matteo said in a matter-of-fact way. “Neither was he in attendance at the musicale.”
“Yes, I noticed this absence as well.” Helena looked hopeful. “Perhaps he has left London?”
Matteo shook his head.
“There is a summons for him at the club. He is scheduled to make an appearance there in two days’ time.”
“Oh.” With nothing else to say, Helena fell into silence.
They watched the crowd of people dancing and milling about them. Surrounded by constant chatter and music, Helena and Matteo both stood silent.
How can things between us feel so different, so quickly? Was it not just a few days ago when we laughed together? Seemed to be of the same mind about our thoughts and opinions?
Helena stole a look at Matteo. Standing straight and tall, his hands were clasped behind him, his expression unreadable. It was such a far cry from the charming Matteo, Duke of Valen, that the ton normally saw that, tonight, he may as well have been a different person altogether.
Well, this is what I wanted. People who see us now will certainly know that something is amiss.
She should be glad for he was playing his part according to all her requirements. But she was not. Instead, she was deeply unsatisfied.
“May I have the next dance, Lady Helena?”
Helena and Matteo both turned to find Mr. Addison beside them.
“Oh.” Obviously surprised, Helena blinked fast.
From watching Helena’s reaction, Matteo knew that she had no wish to dance.
Indeed, in all the balls that they had attended together, she rarely accepted an offer to dance.
And with him, she had danced only once. He knew, of course, that this was mainly because she preferred to keep watch over Chastity.
Knowing that tonight would not be an exception, Matteo answered the other gentleman.
“I am afraid, sir, that Lady Helena’s next dance is spoken for.”
Mr. Addison looked around for the gentleman who would claim her as partner when Matteo turned to Helena, smiled, and bowed, offering his hand.
“Ah. I see.” Mr. Addison bowed, smiling.
“Good evening, Mr. Addison,” Helena said, smiling back at him.
Putting her hand in his, Helena walked with Matteo to the dance floor.
Matteo could feel the significant difference in her touch.
Where her hand had met his, palm against palm, now there was nothing but the lightest touch.
It made him feel the distance that they had agreed to start portraying between them.
They were, both of them, very good performers, it seemed.
“Was I correct in assuming that you did not wish to dance with Mr. Addison?” Matteo asked almost as an afterthought.
“I did not, you are correct,” Helena replied. “Mr. Addison seems a very good sort of man, but I seem not to have the social graces tonight. I only wish to fulfill my duties to Chastity tonight.”
“Yes, of course,”
He did not add that he found Mr. Addison’s continued attentions to Helena irritating. Though Matteo had to admit that there was nothing remotely inappropriate about his actions, he still irked Matteo somehow.
As they took their positions, Matteo leaned down towards Helena.
“Do not you worry, I can see your sister perfectly from here.”
“Thank you.”
The music started.
Matteo and Helena danced, performing the steps, following the turns and the exchanges, but neither of them spoke.
How different from the last time we danced.
Matteo controlled his hands so that they would not linger too long on her waist when the dance called for the contact.
He controlled them so that they would not let her feel the heat that was his skin’s reaction to her.
When the dance brought them close, facing each other, Matteo forced himself to look elsewhere.
How fortunate that he kept watch over Chastity, for it gave him the perfect excuse not to look at Helena.
When the music was coming to an end, the last steps of the dance called for her hands to be held in his. Matteo was overcome with a sudden feeling of loss. So strong was it that he had a difficult time letting her hands go when the music ended.
What if this is the last time that I touch Helena?
Despite all his resistance, Matteo found himself grasping her hands harder. He studied her face. When Helena looked up and their eyes met, he knew that he could not let it end. He cleared his throat and found his voice.
“Helena.”
She bit her trembling lip and shook her head. Eyes bright with tears, Helena took a step back. It was the smallest of steps, but Matteo felt that it had brought them worlds apart. She was so close and yet also so distant.
He let go of Helena’s hands.
How was it that he was here again? Wanting more than was given. Matteo schooled his features. He could master these feelings. He must.
He breathed deeply and did what he did best. Play his role to perfection. He smiled at Helena.
“Perhaps some refreshments?”
“Chastity?” Helena touched her sister’s elbow. “We must prepare to leave in a few minutes.”
Chastity who had still been with her friends, turned to Helena.
“So soon?” A somewhat panicked look reflected on Chastity’s face. She glanced at the clock by the entrance to the ballroom, which read a quarter past the hour of one. “It is still early. Why must we leave so soon, Helena?”
Admittedly, it was still early to be leaving a ball, but Helena had felt that she could take no more of the night. She felt too much with Matteo around her, and she feared that if she stayed with him longer, she would not hold her ground.
But the look of disappointment and open displeasure on Chastity’s face had Helena remembering what she was there for in the first place. She was being selfish.
Chastity must come first.
She would do it for Chastity.
“Alright, dearest. Let us stay longer if that is your wish.”
“Yes, it is,” Chastity said. Then, before turning back to her friends, she added, “Thank you, Helena.”
Helena smiled, though Chastity had already turned away from her. She made her way back to where Matteo was standing.
“I apologize, but Chastity is not yet ready to leave.”
“I thought as much.”
“Thank you. I hope it will not be too much trouble for you to stay longer.”
“Not at all.”
The entire exchange was done in such a polite manner that it seemed to Helena that they were not far from being strangers.
This stung her much more than she expected, for however it was that Matteo saw her, she knew that he had become an important person in her life.
And for the life of her, she could not accept his politeness.
Perhaps it was her pride again, but she wanted even a small acknowledgment from him that she also meant something to him.
“Your Grace.” Helena sighed. “Matteo.”
“Yes?”
“I-I just wanted to express my gratitude for all your assistance with Chastity. I…”
Matteo remained silent, waiting for her to continue.
“I cannot… I do not know how…” Helena clasped her hands tightly together. At Matteo’s continued silence, she closed her eyes.
“Helena.” She felt him take her clasped hands into his, his familiar warmth permeating her skin. He continued.
“I must tell you—”
Loud whispers in the crowd interrupted Matteo. The conversation around them was mounting.
“…it is a scandal!”
“… what shameful behavior!”
“… in the alcove…”
Helena and Matteo both looked around them, trying to understand what the rising commotion was all about.
A feeling of trepidation shot through Helena’s heart. She looked swiftly towards Chastity’s location.
“She is not there!” she hissed.
Helena grasped Matteo’s arm.
“Matteo, do you see Helena?”
But Matteo was already moving away in a brisk walk. With her heart pounding, Helena followed him.
“…Lady Chastity Ayles!” an older woman proclaimed in horror.
“…Lord Clifton, I knew he was no good!”
Helena felt her knees weaken; it was only through sheer will that she managed to follow Matteo through the crowd—a crowd that, by now, also watched their every move.
As she felt panic surge within her, a warm hand suddenly grasped hers.
Matteo, quickly looking back, had reached for her hand even as he led her on to find her sister.
In a matter of seconds, they reached the alcove. There was no mistaking which one, for a group of people already stood surrounding it.
Matteo and Helena made their way through the crowd and parted it. Helena gave a cry when she saw her sister. Hands covering her face, Chastity’s shoulders shook with sobs.
“… caught kissing…”
“…Lord Clifton just left after they were seen…”
“Chastity,” Helena put her hand on her sister’s shoulder. “Come dearest, let us go home.”
Chastity, upon hearing her sister’s voice, raised her head and threw her arms around Helena.
“I am sorry, Helena.” She whispered fiercely.
“Come, Lady Chastity, let me bring you and your sister home.” Matteo’s voice, kind but firm, roused them into action.
Matteo and Helena looked at each other wordlessly, but it seemed that they both knew what to do. Positioned between them, they escorted Chastity out of the ballroom. Shielding her from the crowd’s stares.
Helena felt like she was in a dream. She hardly knew how they were able to leave Granger House and how they got into Matteo’s carriage. Her only thought was that of Chastity.
How could this have happened? Everything had been perfectly fine one moment, and then—and then this!
Inside the carriage, Helena tried to soothe Chastity as her sobs continued. Matteo, who had remained silent, suddenly spoke.
“Was it Clifton?”
Chastity covered her face again.
“Chastity.”
At Matteo’s prodding, Chastity nodded her head.
Matteo cursed the man under his breath.
“He loves me! I trust him!” Chastity sobbed. “He is a good man; Timothy is a good man. He shall come for me; he shall do right by me.”
Helena and Matteo looked at each other, somehow knowing that this was not the truth. That Lord Clifton had fled already spoke of his intentions—or lack thereof towards Chastity.
Tears fell from Helena’s own eyes; her heart sank for her sister. For the heartbreak, betrayal, disillusionment, and censure that would soon be her sister’s reality. She knew that Lord Clifton would not offer marriage to Chastity.