Chapter 5
Nathaniel would have gone to see Lady Fairleigh the morning they agreed to the arrangement, but there was someone else he needed to see first.
“You are late,” she grimaced the moment he arrived.
His expression matched hers. He had thought that, for once, she might be pleased to see him, but of course she was not. She had not been for weeks. Nothing that he did was ever enough, though he was rather of the belief that he was doing all that he could.
“It is good to see you too, Eliza.”
She let him in, and he studied her figure.
Her gown was loose, just as he had instructed, and her face was pale.
She was clearly exhausted, which was why he did not chastise her for the way she treated him.
He was aware that it was not her, but her condition, and that was something that he could look beyond.
“The household is looking good,” he said gently as he looked around. “You are taking good care of it.”
“I hope that it will be mine one day,” she sighed, sitting heavily on a settee. “I do not know what else I shall do.”
“I promised you that I would take care of you,” he reminded her, tilting her chin up so she was looking at him. “That will never change. I hope that you know that.”
“I do, but knowing and believing are two very different things, Your Grace.”
“Nathaniel.”
“I cannot be so familiar with you. You know that.”
“Given the circumstances, it would make it easier, but I can understand if you do not see it that way.”
“Look at me. Do you think I know what is right and wrong? I am a fool, plain and simple.”
He then saw it; the fear in her eyes about her prospects. She was only surviving thanks to his protection. She was at his mercy, and though Nathaniel knew that he would never take advantage of that, she had no reason to trust him.
“You are not a fool. Now, have you remained indoors?”
“Like a prisoner.”
“And has anyone come to see you?”
“Not a soul. We cannot have anyone asking questions after all, can we?”
“You sound accusatory.”
Her lack of response told him everything that he needed to know.
“Eliza, I know this is not ideal, but it is how it must be.”
“I know. I am the great duke’s shameful secret, the dark stain on his legacy that can never see the light of day. I do not go a single day without being reminded of that fact.”
“That is not– Eliza, if you were to be discovered, it would destroy everything. It would hurt my reputation, yes, but that is not what any of this has been about and you know it. I have done all of this for your sake, and though time is not on our side I can fix this.”
“How? How are you going to hide my condition? Whether you like it or not, I can only loosen my gowns so much before it is evident, and when… when it arrives, we shall have to find a reason for its existence. That is, unless you plan to keep me hidden away here forever.”
“That is what I wished to tell you. I have a plan, and it is going to work. I have entered into a courtship.”
“A courtship? That only means that I shall see less of you.”
“But it will protect you,” he sighed, exasperated. “This way, the courtship will command the attention of society, and if all eyes are on her, they shall not be on you. If it is her name in the scandal sheets, then it is not yours. No, it is not ideal, but it is what must be done.”
At that, he saw the tears form in her eyes.
In spite of how she had spoken to him of late, she was not a cruel young lady, only a frightened one.
Eliza was a pretty girl, with her dark hair and light eyes, but she had a habit of not fighting for what was best for her.
That did not matter, not for the time being at least, for Nathaniel knew that he would not allow her to make the wrong choices for herself under his watch.
“You should not have to do all of this,” she whispered. “You should not have to sacrifice your own desires for my sake, nor that of an innocent lady. You did not cause this.”
“That is besides the point.”
“No, it is not. I got myself into this predicament, and I should be the one to bear the consequence.”
He knelt by her then, taking her hands in his as he fought to maintain his composure.
It infuriated him that she thought that way about herself, but he knew there was no changing it.
She was as stubborn as he was, and when he saw that in her he wondered if it was something he needed to change about himself.
“You did not do this to yourself,” he said firmly. “It is only a courtship, Eliza. I would sacrifice far more for you without hesitation, and you know it. I do not do it out of duty to you, either. I love you, and that means sacrifice.”
She began to weep at that, and she tumbled forward into his arms. He caught her gently, and tried to soothe her. She was young, far too young to be in a predicament such as hers. It was not fair, and he cursed the man that had done it to her.
“I do not know how I got so lucky as to have a brother like you,” she whispered. “You should have sent me away.”
“I could never do that. Could you imagine what Mother would have said?”
She laughed through her tears at that, taking steadier breaths as she sat up straighter.
“I am horrible to you,” she sighed.
“I understand it. If I were in your situation, I would be far worse. Come now, let us set you right again.”
He helped her to her feet, and then took a handkerchief and wiped her tears away. He had done it rather often of late, and it had become more and more frequent since he learned of her condition.
“I miss John,” she said quietly. “I no longer wish to wear black, but I do miss him. Is that awful of me?”
“Not at all. You can miss him while wearing pink.”
She laughed softly again. Truth be told, Nathaniel also missed Lord Ashcroft. He had been a good husband to her, someone that made the right decisions for her and did not take advantage of the fact that she was easily led.
The man that came after him, on the other hand…
“What is she like, then?” she asked. “This lady that you are to court. Is she pretty?”
“Indeed she is. You shall like one another, I rather think.”
Her eyes widened at that.
“Surely you do not expect us to meet?”
“Should I not? Eliza, I believe she will understand your situation. She will not pass any judgment, and even if she did, I know enough about her that she would never share it with anyone else.”
“That does not signify. We cannot risk her knowing where I am. Does she even know who I am?”
“I do not believe so. She did not mention you when she visited me this morning, in any case. If she does, there is no harm in it. Society knows what has happened to you, and where you are, and there have been no qualms with it thus far. You are mourning, that is all there is to it.”
“But it is not. Nathaniel, I do not know how to make you understand that my life is at risk, and that will affect you too. We cannot trust anyone, even if you think she is pretty and will like me.”
Nathaniel bristled at the accusation. He thought he had a good judge of character, and he had a natural instinct to trust Lady Margaret. He did not understand why his sister was so against her.
But then, he was not a young lady with child, and one out of wedlock at that.
“I understand,” he said softly. “If you do not wish to meet her yet, then consider it done. I did not mean to frighten you. I was only thinking that it might be good for you to have a friend to support you through all of this. You have me, and you know that, but I am not a lady. I do not understand everything as much as I wish I did.”
“No, you do not.”
They remained silent for a moment.
“I know that you are trying,” she added. “I know that you have done more than most brothers would, and that I am being difficult. I wish I did not have to be, but there are some things that I cannot risk.”
“You do not need to explain yourself to me. If you do not wish to meet her, then you will not. You are my priority, Eliza. That is why I am doing all of this.”
“And I thank you for that. I do not know how I can possibly repay you for all of this.”
“You do not need to.”
“But I want to.”
He thought for a moment, then chuckled. She looked at him accusingly, as though he were mocking her, and he gave her a soft look in response.
“If you have a son,” he suggested, “call it Nathaniel. Then we shall both have done something for one another.”
“Consider it done,” she nodded.
He remained with her a while longer, and it passed far more easily.
That was how it often was with Eliza. She would be furious with him for being absent, then remember what she was against, and then she would soften.
It was not easy to listen to, but Nathaniel understood.
Everything that he did was for her, and it always had been.
That would not change simply because she had made a mistake.
“When will I see you again?” she asked as he prepared to leave.
“Soon. For all the ton knows, I am visiting you to ensure you are doing well after the loss of your husband. As long as we maintain such a facade, it will be easy for me to come here.”
“And if that changes, remember that we have a home in the North.”
“I will never send you there. It is cold, no place for a new mother. If the worst happens, I will find another way, but I will never send you there.”
There was a firmness in his voice, for he truly did not want to consider the idea.
Their home in Northumberland was nice enough, but it was no place to raise a child.
Not only that, but he did not want his only remaining family on the other side of the country, where he could not go to her. She was all that he had left.
And he would do anything to protect her.