Chapter 6
Chapter Six
Cassandra hated that she kept thinking about it.
No matter what she did, her mind kept going back to their proximity that night in the garden, and how her skin felt under his touch. She had not thought on it in the moment, but she was now haunted by it, hating that it had happened all the while wishing that it would a second time.
It frustrated her to no end, for she wanted to hate him.
Perhaps not hate, she reasoned, as she was to marry him whether she liked it or not and it would be better for her to be cordial, but she did not want to have any expectations.
If she expected nothing from him, then he could not disappoint her, which was what was best for all involved.
“I never asked you,” her mother said at breakfast that morning. “Where did you and the Duke go yesterday?”
“To his study. I know that it was unwise to be there unchaperoned, but I decided that the damage is already done. Besides, the only people that could have seen were our families, and you would not have said a word.”
“Be that as it may,” Lord Hurton countered, “you cannot behave like that. This has already been detrimental to our family, and we cannot have it worsen.”
“Of course not. I only wished to speak with him about what he thinks the marriage will be like.”
“Is that to say you are no longer going to refuse as much as you can?” her mother asked.
“It is not as though I have a choice, Mama. I must think of you both, as well as Rose and Sophie, and His Grace’s sister Philippa.
When all is said and done, we did what we did, and there is no changing it.
I must accept the consequences, and when said consequences are marrying a wealthy suitor with the best possible title, I can hardly refuse. ”
She remembered what she had thought about marrying a duke, and shuddered.
“Well, I for one am proud of you,” her father said kindly. “At last, you are doing what is expected of you, and though you do not have much choice it is noble of you to think of your cousins before yourself.”
Her father’s approval meant more to her than she ever expected it to.
The Duke arrived that afternoon. He was smiling, and Cassandra wondered what he could possibly have felt so happy about.
Her mother, on the other hand, could not stop smiling and she knew precisely why.
All that she saw was a handsome gentleman that had gotten her daughter to agree to marriage, and meant everything.
“We are to go to the reading of the banns,” he explained. “It is best that we are all in attendance, so that we may show the ton that we are united and in agreement.”
“Yes, of course,” her mother agreed. “Will your family also be in attendance?”
He seemed to shift at that. Cassandra wondered if she was the only one that noticed, or if her parents also saw but did not want to mention it.
“My sister shall be there.”
“I see. So your grandmother is still not pleased with all of this?”
“She is a traditional lady. She has always wanted to be the one to decide my bride for me, and to not have done so has been quite the blow, but she will understand with time.”
“And what of your sister?” Cassandra asked. “I do not want her to be hurt by it all.”
“She was thrilled at first, but knowing that she must still find her own suitor has dampened her spirits. She will be most fond of you, in any case, for you have the same feelings about marriage.”
He did not specify what those feelings were. He did not have to.
Regardless, everyone there seemed quite content about it all.
Everyone, that was, with the exception of Cassandra.
She felt like she was missing something, for everyone around her had seemingly accepted the situation without question, aside from the Dowager Duchess.
It was all most bizarre to her, to say the least, but they were all pleased about it.
She turned to her parents, hoping that with how happy they were they would not question her too deeply if she wished to be alone with him once again. For all they knew, she was utterly besotted with him, and if that was what it took for them to leave her be, then she would play the part.
“Mama, Papa, might I have a moment alone with His Grace?”
The exchanged looks, for though they had not been too upset with them speaking alone before, that did not mean they wished to encourage impropriety.
“I can have a maid,” she added. “I only wish to speak with him about something, and I would prefer for it to be between the two of us.”
They accepted that with unease, and a maid was sent for. Once they were alone, she hardened.
“We may speak freely now,” she explained. “What is the truth in all of this?”
“I do not know what you mean. I am not the sort of gentleman to lie, and I would especially refrain from doing so when you and I are to be married.”
“Not if you were hoping to spare my feelings, or at least have everything be as easy as possible. I heard your grandmother, Your Grace. She was furious, and if she is not going to attend this afternoon in spite of the fact that it will serve our reputations well, she is clearly not going to change her mind. I know that you are doing what you think is best, but I would prefer honesty.”
He was quiet for a moment, and then he cleared his throat.
“You are astute,” he chuckled. ‘Yes, very well, I have been trying to say what is best, but if it is honesty that you want, then I can offer you that. My grandmother disappeared sometime this morning, and I do not know where she is. I do not know for certain that she will be absent today, but it is my assumption. It is possible that she has returned home, and my sister has spoken to her, but I do not know for certain and I would prefer for you not to expect more than she will give.”
“And just what do you think she will give? She hates me, I can tell.”
“And she will move on from it. I did not marry the lady that she wanted me to, and she is upset, but she will see reason eventually. She likes to think that she has the control in my household, but she forgets that I am the one that people consider to be in charge first and foremost, even above her, and so she has to listen to me rather than the other way around.”
It was meant to be a comfort, or at least she assumed it was, but part of it caught her off guard.
She almost did not want to question it, for he had softened since their first meeting and she did not want to ruin it.
However, she was not the sort of lady to hold her tongue, even when she knew it was best to.
“The lady?” she echoed. “I thought you said that she had suggested several.”
“She has, but there is one in particular that she truly did want. I refused, but she seemed determined that I would change my mind. Now I no longer can, she will have to accept it.”
She should not have felt the jealousy that she did.
It was ridiculous, and she knew it, but she wondered just what she so lacked in that this other lady had.
She knew that mothers had plans for their children, and that when those plans were not achieved there was disappointment, but was she truly so much worse than any other lady?
“It is the circumstance that has caused it, I believe,” he added. “No matter what she thinks, this match will happen and she can either be happy for us or I will find another estate for her to reside in. The choice is hers.”
“I do not like that,” she said quietly, her stomach twisting. “I do not think it will bode well for her to be forced to choose like that. If it were me, it would only make me angrier.”
“I do not need you to tell me how to handle my own grandmother,” he said firmly.
His sudden change in tone caught her by surprise, and she quietened. She was not trying to tell him what to do, only offering how she would have felt, but he had taken it personally. He took a breath, and then shook his head slowly.
“My apologies. I did not mean to sound like that. All that I am trying to say is that I know my family, and I know what I must do to make them understand, which is of the utmost importance if they are to eventually be happy about it.”
“I see. It is quite all right, I know how I feel about my own family. I would do anything for them, which is precisely why I am marrying you. Saving my reputation saves theirs too, and that is what matters to me. If it were not for that, I would not be in this position. I would be at a beach somewhere, watching the sea before going to sleep whenever I please.”
“You… You truly do not want this marriage, do you?”
“No. I have always said that I would only marry for love and romance, which of course you do not wish to offer me. Had you asked me to marry you without all of this spectacle, I would have refused, and I would not have thought twice about it.”
“That is just as well, for I never would have asked you.”
It should have been what she wanted to hear, for it meant that they were in agreement, but there was a pain in her chest when he said it. It was different coming from him; he was set on the marriage, where she was reluctant, but even then he was only doing it because he had no other choice.
“Might you tell me the lady that your grandmother liked for you?”
“Certainly not. If you knew who she was, you would compare yourself to her, perhaps even try to be like her in order to please my grandmother, and I cannot stomach the thought of that.”
“Do you truly believe that I would do that? I believe I know who I am, and I am not the sort of person to change in order to gain acceptance. Then again, I suppose that much is clear to you, given the circumstances.”
“Be that as it may, the temptation would be there, and I would prefer to avoid that altogether.”
He did not seem to believe her at all, nor did he trust her. She was not too upset about that, for he had no real reason to trust her; they did not know one another, but even so she wished that he would treat her like the lady she was, rather than a girl.
“Did you have any more questions for me?” he asked.
There were several, but they did not have the time for that. They were to leave soon, and that meant that he had to return to his home so that they arrived separately. The situation was delicate, and it meant having to do everything perfectly.
“No,” she replied. “That will be all, for now.”
“For now?”
“I would like to know my husband before our wedding day,” she said, laughing softly. “Perhaps that way, it will not feel as though I am marrying a complete stranger.”
He seemed to harden there, and though he did not say anything she knew what he was thinking. He wanted them to remain unknown to one another, for it was easier that way.
But she could not help but disagree.