Chapter 21 A Secret Revealed
Georgie found her second journey back to Oxford less restful than the first. Jamie was just as he had been before, very quiet but always solicitous.
However, this time, in a last minute change of plan, they also had Mr Hammond Senior with them, and he was a very different matter.
He seemed to believe it was his duty to prevent the occupants of the carriage from ever falling into silence, so he kept up a constant patter of conversation.
Jamie largely ignored it, but Georgie could not be so rag-mannered.
Thus a good part of the first day’s journey was consumed by her father-in-law’s meandering thoughts, to which she responded with “Yes”, “No” or “Is that so?”, in random order.
It was not uninteresting, but Georgie’s own thoughts were of greater moment to her, and so in the end she resorted to pretending to sleep.
They stayed at the same inn as before, which was becoming quite familiar to her now.
She had stayed there twice on the last trip to Oxford, and before that with Rowena when she had first been summoned to Staineybank by the mysterious Mr Goodenough.
Knowing her way around the inn made her feel almost like a seasoned traveller.
Jamie had reserved three rooms for them, to which Georgie made no comment, although it was a disappointment.
Was he planning to do the same in Oxford?
They were to stay at the home of his friends, and surely they would not have sufficient spare bedrooms to accommodate them?
She would accept whatever arrangement he wanted, naturally, but the situation created a little niggle of worry in her mind.
The three of them separated until the hour for which their dinner had been ordered, but there was a comfortable parlour assigned to them, so Georgie took her embroidery to sit beside the open window watching the bustle going on in the yard below.
She had not ten minutes of peaceful solitude before Mr Hammond Senior arrived.
He had supplied himself with a newspaper, so for a moment her spirits soared in the hope that he would be too busy reading to talk.
To her disappointment, he could read and talk at the same time, and for a while, he occupied himself with reading aloud such items from the newspaper as he gauged might interest her.
When she responded in the same laconic manner as before, however, he folded up the newspaper, and gazed at her in silence. She became hopeful again but no, it could not last.
“I suppose you wonder why I have joined you on this journey,” he said.
“No, indeed, I have not.”
“Jamie and I do not, as a rule, leave home together but since the duke is in town, there is little need for a secretary at Staineybank. Of course, Jamie could have done all that needs to be done in Oxford without me, and had matters been well between you, I should not have dreamt of coming between a couple so recently married. But I sense that all is not well, and therefore—”
“It’s good of you to take an interest in our affairs,” Georgie said sharply, “but quite unnecessary.”
He tilted his head to one side. “Jamie is very fond of you, Georgie.”
“Is he?” she said, ire rising within her. “How do you know that? Has he told you so?”
He laughed. “Well, no. He is not a man to show his inner feelings, not in the general way, but he must have expressed his affection to you. I never thought he would work up the courage to propose marriage to a woman, but you enticed him to that point, my dear.”
She jumped to her feet. “I know you mean well, sir, but you shouldn’t meddle in matters you know nothing about.”
“I know my own son, I think,” he said.
“Apparently not. Mr Hammond, have you any idea why Jamie and I got married?”
He frowned, clearly puzzled. “Because of mutual affection, why else?”
“I was upset one night, and Jamie brought a bottle of brandy to my room to console me. We ended up drinking the whole bottle, and woke sometime later stark naked in my bed, after which I discovered I was with child. And now there is no child and no reason for our marriage, and you wonder why we are not behaving as you would expect of a newlywed couple. Naturally he resents me, what man wouldn’t? ”
She turned to the door, but he was on his feet and there before her, his expression shocked.
“Georgie… my dear… I had no idea! I am so sorry! I never meant to upset you, as I am sure you know.”
“Well, you have,” she said, dashing tears from her eyes. “You have upset me.”
“Please forgive a foolish old man, but I had such hopes for a grandchild.”
“As I had hopes for a child. I don’t think you understand…
for no man can ever understand what it is to lose a child.
To feel this life growing within you, to feel your body changing to nurture it, to feel it moving inside you and know that it lives…
and then to have it swept away as if it never existed.
Hardly anyone even knew of its existence, and now they’ll never know.
But I know… I remember… I feel the aching, the emptiness inside that only a child can fill. ”
“But I do know,” he said softly, wiping away her tears with a linen handkerchief.
“A man feels the loss too, Georgie. I have felt it, more than once, and Jamie feels it now, you may be sure. It is not the same, of course… not so physical, perhaps, not quite as deep a cut, but a man grieves for his lost child too, and it is a grief that should be shared, not suffered in lonely silence. Do not shut him out of your life.”
But Georgie could not bear to listen to him, so she fled back to her room.
It was some time before she could compose herself sufficiently to wash her face, change her gown and go down to the parlour for dinner.
Jamie and his father were both there, the dinner was on the table, and in the business of eating and discussing the arrangements for the following day, the worst of the awkwardness evaporated and she retired to her bed later that evening, if not entirely calm, then at least not wanting to strangle her father-in-law.
***
However much Lance might protest to Denny that he had done nothing to raise expectations of marriage in Charlotte, his denials rang hollow.
He was aware that he had grown too close to her, and since he had no intention of offering for her, it was unkind in him.
He had been drawn in by her amiable nature, and if there was a need to keep himself at a distance from another young lady, he tried not to think of that. Lily was not for him!
Now he felt it circumspect to withdraw from Charlotte, too.
He began to absent himself from some engagements where he knew the Merrington ladies might be.
A ball was reasonably safe, since he could dance with several other young ladies, and a rout or simple evening party presented no difficulty, but he avoided card parties, the theatre or outings to such places as Vauxhall’s, where he would be expected to spend the whole evening at her side.
He was also wild to get back to his easel and paints, so when Lily paid a morning call in Mount Street and mentioned to him that they were getting up a party to drive to Richmond for the day, he said, “Thank you, Duchess, there is nothing I should like better, but I cannot, not on Thursday.”
“Cannot? Even to oblige me?”
“Obliging you must always be an object with me,” he said, making her a small bow, “but I have a prior engagement that will not wait.”
“If you have already engaged yourself to another hostess, then I must give way, for I would not use my rank to tempt you to break your word. But I do not know of any other event of significance on that day, apart from Mrs Wilshaw’s Venetian breakfast, which I would not have suspected to be an attraction for you. ”
“It is not Mrs Wilshaw to whom I am promised, and not even a lady. It is no one of any standing in society at all.”
She laughed. “Now I am intrigued, but you mean to tease me, I can see, so I shall thwart you at once by asking no more about it.”
He smiled at her. “I do not mind you knowing about it. If you wish to uncover my secret, I shall be seeing the same person tomorrow, so if you come to this address at around four o’clock, you will discover all.”
Retrieving a pencil from a pocket, he scribbled a direction on the back of one of his cards and handed it to her.
“You had better bring your maid with you, but no one else. This is not for the whole world to be discussing over the teacups. I have the greatest dislike of such tittle-tattle, and most people will not understand, but you will, I am persuaded.”
“Even more intriguing!” she said. “I shall be there.”
As soon as she had gone, Lance was assailed with doubt.
Never before had he revealed his secret to a soul, and he was not at all sure of the wisdom of revealing it now.
But Lily was not like other women. There was something about her that invited confidences, not of the lighter sort, as he shared with Charlotte, but of a deeper, more profound nature.
If he had to put it into words, he would say that he wanted her to see into his soul and understand the sort of man he was beneath the frivolous exterior.
He might flirt and tease, he might float on the surface of society, he might appear to devote his life to furthering his ambitions, but inside him was a different man altogether, one who yearned for a more meaningful connection than a marriage based solely on rank and fortune.
He might never find it, but there was a goodness in Lily that inspired him to be a better man, and perhaps he wanted her to know that.
It might be wrong of him but the die was cast now and he could not avoid it.