Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
“When do you think we should schedule the children’s surprise?” Gerald asked.
He and Clara were standing at a table, looking at the schedule for the gala.
It was now only a day away, and Clemont Hall was fizzing with energy.
Servants were carrying large tables into the ballroom.
The musicians tuned their instruments and rehearsed their repertoire.
There were flurries of melodic noise, followed by lulls of silence.
Clara puffed out her cheeks and threw her hands in the air.
“Without knowing what it is, I have no idea. Perhaps they should go on last?”
Gerald pressed his lips together and swallowed a lump in his throat. “Ah, I think we already have something scheduled to go on last.”
Clara glanced towards the schedule.
“It’s only the musicians playing. There will be plenty of that through the night.
I’m sure nobody will mind if we curtail the performance, and whatever the children have planned, it might leave everyone in a good mood.
On the other hand, if it’s a disaster, then at least it will not affect anyone’s donations. ”
“I hardly think it will be a disaster.”
“But we cannot be sure. I love Grandmother, but there are times when she lacks judgment, and we cannot be certain that she has taken everything into account. What if she has gotten confused again? The children won’t know well enough to make corrections.
They’ll just do as she says. Having it at the end is the right decision.
It will either be a good send-off, or it can be humored and then forgotten. ”
“I think you are allowing your worries to overwhelm you,” Gerald said, although he had plenty of worries of his own for the climax of the evening. Agatha wasn’t the only one who had arranged a surprise, although the closer the evening grew, the more anxious Gerald felt about it.
“I only worry because this might well be the most important night of my life. Of St. Margaret’s life.
” Her voice grew higher in pitch and the strain was evident on her face.
She placed her hand against her forehead and took a moment to breath deeply.
When Gerald spoke, he ensured that his voice was calm.
“Clara, I fear that in your worry you are forgetting a few things. While the children might well be able to stay awake due to the excitement of the evening, it’s better that they should perform this surprise earlier when they are more alert.
The more sluggish they are, the more chance there is of something going wrong.
If it is at the beginning of the evening, then it will set the mood for the entire night.
Even if it is slightly offbeat, I’m sure people will find it endearing.
After all, we can hardly criticize children for poor judgment, and nobody would dare to insult Agatha by telling her that her notion was ill-conceived.
Furthermore, if we place it at the end of the night, then you will only be worrying about it for the entire evening.
You won’t have a chance to relax. Let us get it over with at the beginning. ”
Clara listened to his words carefully and then, much to Gerald’s relief, sighed and nodded.
“You do make good points, Gerald. Very well, we shall schedule them for the beginning. Let us hope that they delight.”
“I think we both know that they will. They’re too charming to do anything else.”
Gerald’s gaze lingered upon her, and he felt he ought to say something more.
It always seemed as though they were on the cusp of having an important conversation, yet at the last second it eluded them.
Even now the words died on his lips. There were a few times he caught Clara looking at him in a certain way, as though she was about to ask him a question, but she never did.
Every time he took a breath to speak to her, he was interrupted by clanging music or the clatter of a table being moved in the ballroom.
There were so many distractions, not least of which was the schedule before them.
So many things took precedence over their feelings.
He wondered if she had been shaken by their conversation the previous day.
So far she hadn’t made any reference to his words.
She looked at him coolly, as though she was unbothered by everything.
Was that how little she meant to him? Was that how focused she was on St. Margaret’s? Nothing else meant anything to her. He tried to kiss her twice, to bear his feelings, and she gave him nothing in return other than a scolding tone and an icy look.
And yet he could not pull away from her.
If anything, it only drove him to be closer. He thought about Theodore, who spent his entire life loving a woman he could never be truly sure would be his. Did that fate await him? Would he lose Clara to her duties? In some ways it was worse than losing her to another man.
Perhaps, after the gala, things would change.
“We should take the flowers to the greenhouse now; otherwise, they will suffer from being in the house. We must try our best to maintain their color and shape,” she said.
These flowers were not ones that had been placed in the arch, but ones that would be spread around in bouquets, the intention being to create a lush and vivid atmosphere.
They were gathered in boxes and carried out with the help of maids, although Clara and Gerald took a box each. In the greenhouse, they arranged them carefully so that there would be no danger of the flowers inside being damaged.
Gerald stared at the boxes thoughtfully.
“A short time ago I never would have imagined hosting an event like this. It’s strange how one simple arrangement can change the entire spectrum of a life.”
“I’m not sure there is anything simple about our arrangement.”
Gerald stared at her. She stood in the middle of the greenhouse.
Even though she was surrounded by flowers and plants of all different colors, she was more beautiful than any of them.
The filtered light shone upon her in a way that made her glow, as though she was an angel standing before him, offering to guide him into everlasting happiness.
“No, perhaps there isn’t.”
“It will end soon enough anyway, then your life can return to the way it was. You won’t have to worry about hosting events like this.”
“I didn’t mean to imply it was a bad thing. I actually quite like it, but yes, I suppose it must end.”
The words hung between them. Gerald noticed the way Clara’s chest rose as she breathed.
Her eyes were dewy, and her hands were clasped in front of her abdomen.
Her hair was drawn back, revealing her slender neck.
Neither the glass nor the open door offered them any privacy.
This was not a scandalous moment stolen away from prying eyes.
There was no attempt to hide at all, yet it felt private.
It felt intimate.
It felt as though they were the only two people in the world.
“We may find it is harder to end the agreement than it was to begin it,” Clara said softly. The words sounded like broken things as they fell between her lips.
“That would be quite something considering how opposed you were to the arrangement in the first place.”
“My life has been changed by it too, Gerald. And the children… they will miss you.”
“Our arrangement may end, but I never said that I would stop visiting St. Margaret’s.”
“I fear that it would only be confusing,” Clara said. He noticed she didn’t say whom it would be confusing for. Could she possibly mean herself? Was there a chance that all this time she did harbor feelings for him? But then why had she retreated from his kiss?
“Is that not the way of life? I find that I have been confounded by its developments at every turn. Just when I think I have come to understand life’s vagaries, there is thrown up a new element, one that I could never have predicted, and I am forced to examine things anew again.”
“A life spent in study is a life of noble pursuit.”
“Depending on the subject of study, that is,” Gerald replied.
He noticed the way her lips shone. They were inviting, and he could not resist the allure. They were like two petals of a flower peeling away, revealing the sweet nectar. The shade was that of a rose, the deepest red, passionate and ardent. Gerald’s heart thumped.
Did he dare try to kiss her a third time? Would he be charmed or cursed?
In a way, he wasn’t sure he could last another moment without kissing her. The desire was so strong within him that it filled every inch of his body, bubbling having immediately reached boiling point.
Clara did not retreat. If she moved, he would stop, but she simply stared at him, like a flower waiting to be plucked.
“Do you not care how I have suffered? How I have been ruined?” he asked, echoing his words from the previous day. They were prickly things, sharp on his tongue, difficult to utter. They twisted through his throat, and he almost choked on them.
Clara tilted her head to the side. Her eyebrows were drawn together.
“I don’t understand how that can be the case,” she said.
If Gerald hadn’t been so focused on her, he could have laughed. Not because it was particularly funny, but because he failed to see how they could spend so much time together and grow so close, yet she did not see the obvious when it was standing right in front of her.
Perhaps the time had come to declare his feelings, to send them soaring into the world like baby birds and hope that their flight was not doomed.
“Clara,” he began, but just at that moment their privacy was shattered. The housekeeper rapped her knuckles against the greenhouse door and poked her head in. Gerald turned sharply, an aggrieved expression on his face. The perfect moment had been stolen from him and it would never return.
There was no hint of scandal, however. It wasn’t as though they had been caught in a lustful embrace, nor were they standing particularly close together. Gerald still had some distance to traverse. It simply felt as though he was closer to Clara than he actually was.
“The final seating plan is ready to be approved, Your Grace. You did tell me that you wanted to be alerted as soon as possible,” the housekeeper said, her voice taking on a soothing tone as she saw the frustration written across Gerald’s face.
“Yes,” he said, then repeated the word again, a little less harshly.
He noticed movement in the corner of his eye.
Clara was already leaving the greenhouse, walking by him without looking in his direction.
It was almost as though she was in a trance, and how cruel she was!
How cold-hearted she must be to leave their conversation unfinished like that.
Gerald’s heart was tumultuous, and he did not understand how she could endure such pain.
The only explanation was that she did not feel it herself, but then what did he see in her eyes?
What did he sense when he stared at her lips?
Why was the air so charged whenever they were in close proximity to each other?
He left the greenhouse, trailing after Clara, with one thought in his mind.
He could not be patient like Theodore. He could not go another day without revealing his true feelings.
If Clara wished to destroy him then so be it, but it was already tearing him up inside.
The truth would either condemn him or free him, but at least he would be done with this inner turmoil.
Gerald merely needed the right words. He needed to shape them perfectly so that his meaning would be clear. There could be no misunderstandings and no interruptions. Speaking with her in the greenhouse had brought one thing into sharp clarity.
He wasn’t ready for their arrangement to end. He didn’t want to stop visiting St. Margaret’s, the children, or her. Let the gala commence, for the following day would define the rest of his life.
Very well, Clara. I shall surrender to my heart. You have conquered me, and should you choose to spurn my advances you will have destroyed me. My fate is in your hands. All the power is yours. I am at your mercy.