Chapter 28
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Clara was sitting in the greenhouse, helping the children press flowers for the scrapbook. They were walking around, each of them trying to pick out the perfect flower. Duke bounced up and down, yapping excitedly.
“No, you can’t press any flowers. You don’t have thumbs,” Emily said.
“He could use his paws,” Teddy replied.
“He’d only end up tearing them apart,” Emily replied.
Clara smiled. The more things changed, the more they stayed the same.
She basked in this moment, thinking to herself that one day all of this would pass.
The children would grow and move on, and she hoped they would think fondly of their time spent at St. Margaret’s.
Despite Emily and Teddy’s bickering, she knew they loved each other, and it would be difficult for the children to separate.
There had already been enquiries made about them from people who attended the benefit.
The play they performed endeared them to many, and it was only right that they should find homes.
Clara hadn’t told them yet, however. She couldn’t bring herself to do so because it was far too difficult. At least she would be a constant, she supposed. She would be as stalwart as the walls.
Hopefully the children would come and visit one day, perhaps with children of their own. Clara would never have a family herself, but at least she could help others attain such happiness.
She would grow old with every passing season and be comforted by the knowledge that she helped children find new homes, new lives, and new happiness.
And as the years passed, she might think about all she had lost less and less. The vibrant kiss was still burning in her mind, but she was certain the memory would fade in time.
It had to, surely.
She had her back to the door. The children turned, and they almost dropped their flowers. Teddy and Emily ran towards the door, colliding with each other. Oliver and Sophia weren’t far behind.
“Gerald!” they cried out. Even Duke was excited, leaping high into the air and barking. He wagged his tail, and Gerald was accosted by all of them.
“Greetings, children. It’s good to see you again Duke,” Gerald said.
He bent down, hugging the children in turn and petting Duke’s head.
He chuckled and there was nothing false about his smile.
Clara clenched her jaw. Emotions churned within her and she felt as though she had to stiffen every part of her body, else she would crumble.
Clara had resigned herself to the fact that she would never see him again and that their story had come to an end, but clearly he was unable to stop himself.
He looked up. Their eyes met. Her breath was stolen.
Gerald returned to his feet.
“I would love to play with you all, but I wondered if perhaps I might borrow Miss Sterling,” he said.
“Do you promise you’ll play with us?” Teddy asked.
Gerald bent down to meet Teddy’s gaze. “I promise,” he said.
Teddy nodded. Gerald approached Clara. She pushed herself up, ignoring her wobbling knees and hazy mind.
“I would like to speak with you alone,” he said, and proceeded to lead her to the corner of the greenhouse.
“I remember you sitting here comforting Sophia, not caring at all that your dress was getting dirty.”
“When you spend enough time with children, you stop caring about such things,” Clara replied. “Did you come here to reminisce? I’m sure the children are happy that you stopped by. If you would like to play with them, there are some things to which I must attend in the house.”
Clara started to move away, not wanting to be with him again, not wanting to feel this horrible emotion that everything was slipping away.
She knew she would recover in time, but only if there was distance between them.
If he haunted her like this, then she would never be able to wrest the feelings away.
Gerald’s hand shot out as she tried to move past him. He held her arm, tightly enough to keep her close to him, but not enough to cause pain.
“I came to tell you something important,” he said in a low voice, the words intended for her and only her.
“I came to save St. Margaret’s out of obligation, but I truly did not know how worth saving it was.
The work you’ve done here is remarkable.
The children are thriving because of you.
No amount of money would be able to achieve that. Only you could.”
“If you’re here to praise me again, then you should have saved it for the benefit.”
“Please listen to me, Clara. I know I wounded you, but it was because I spoke improperly. I did not make myself plain, even though I believed my feelings were evident. Eleanor informs me that they were not. I thought my duty was to protect this home. Always I have been filled with a sense of duty, moving from purpose to purpose whether it’s business or the estate or Eleanor or St. Margaret’s…
but it has become apparent to me that duty alone cannot make a man happy.
It cannot fill a man’s life. He must choose something else eventually and in my case that something else is… you.”
He paused before uttering the final word. Clara felt the breath rush from her lungs. She stared at him, wondering if he truly meant this. She searched his eyes for deceit, but could find none.
“Gerald-”
“Please, Clara, allow me to finish. I was interrupted the last time I tried to say these things and it led to you walking away. I do not want the same thing to happen again.” As he spoke his hand moved down her arm, taking her hand.
He squeezed tightly and it was as though lightning jolted through her.
“Renewing the lease was the right thing to do,” he continued, “and protecting Eleanor was my duty as a brother. Supporting Agatha and the children was an honor, but none of these filled my heart as much as spending time with you. I know I annoyed you at the beginning. What I demanded of you was beyond the pale, and my only excuse was that I thought I had no other choice. You have every right to hate my of course, even later, because I broke your most sacred rule. But I want to break it again and again, a thousand times over because I love you, Clara. I’m not sure when it happened exactly, but I love you”
Clara’s heart ached. His words were music to her ears and every part of her wanted to fling herself towards him and bow at the mercy of his impassioned words.
Almost every part.
There was still a shadow in her eyes.
“Why do you love me, Gerald?” she asked.
He adjusted his position to stand directly in front of her. Clara wondered what reason he would give.
Gerald reached up and stroked her cheek. He brushed dark strands of hair away from her face.
“Because I can do nothing else. Because you will not allow me to do anything else. I love you because of who you are, Clara. Because of your goodness, your kindness, your compassion, your wit, your intelligence, your beauty, and every other aspect, each one of which is like the stars in the sky, and they all come together to create the vast scene of God’s beauty.
Every time I look at you, I fall in love a little bit more, and in truth?
It frightens me because I have never known such a thing before.
“I know I have wronged you. I know I have insulted you. I know I have upset you. I forced you into an agreement in which you never wanted to take part, and I broke your rules. You have every right to turn me away, and if you do so, then I shall leave with my tail between my legs. However, if you do, then I hope it is because you understand the depths of my feelings and simply do not feel the same way. I don’t want there to be anything left unsaid, Clara. ”
The words swept over her. Clara blinked slowly, trying to fend off the dizzy feeling.
“Everything you just said was perfect. Utterly, absolutely perfect,” she said. A smile played on her face. He raised her hand and kissed it as a grin spread across his face.
“Do you mean it?”
“I do. I’ve always felt as though people only love me for what I can do, not who I am. I didn’t think your feelings ran any deeper than that.”
“They do Clara, they do. I wish I had been able to make you see before.”
“I’m sorry for running away. I didn’t want to give myself to you when there was a chance of getting hurt. I was only trying to protect myself.”
“And you were right to do so. I never should have made you think otherwise. But I promise I will do everything in my power to protect you from now on,” as he said this, he got down on one knee. “If you would consent to be my wife.”
Clara’s heart fluttered.
Without thinking, only feeling, she leaned towards Gerald, and they shared a kiss that had been threatening to happen for a long time. This time there was no pulling away, no thoughts that they were doing anything wrong. There was only love.
The children came rushing around. They’d been peeking in on the conversation, and as soon as they saw Gerald getting down on one knee, they could not contain their excitement.
Gerald and Clara broke off their kiss, a little self-conscious about being caught by the children.
They hugged both Gerald and Clara, while Duke jumped up and licked Gerald’s face.
“Hold your excitement, children; Clara hasn’t given me an answer yet,” Gerald said, fending off Duke as best he could. He still had hold of Clara’s hand.
“Yes, I would love to marry you,” she said.
The children cheered. Gerald rose and hugged her, and then proceeded to lift her off the ground and spin her in the air.
She screamed in surprise and delight. The children thought this looked grand, and all of them, aside from Emily, wanted to be treated to the same thing.
Gerald obliged them. Clara watched as he ran through the greenhouse, spinning them through the air.
Clara had never seen such a happy sight.
She followed them outside. All thoughts of pressing flowers had been driven from their minds. They scampered along the ground.
“They’re getting married! They’re getting married!” they cried out. Agatha and Theodore came walking towards them.
“Do I hear correctly?” Theodore asked. Clara smiled and nodded. “Let me be the first to congratulate you.” He shook Gerald’s hand, while Agatha hugged Clara.
“I’m so happy for you. You’ll make a wonderful wife,” she whispered.
Then, Theodore hugged Clara, and Gerald hugged Agatha.
“I’m glad you didn’t wait as long as we did,” Theodore said.
“Even so, the wait was still painful,” Gerald replied, his gaze lingering on Clara.
“You will have to make things right with your father,” Agatha said. In all the excitement, Clara had forgotten about that. Her eyes widened and she wore a look of shock.
“You didn’t ask him for permission,” she gasped, turning to Gerald.
He raised a finger in the air. “Actually, I happened to stop by the residence before I came here, and we had a conversation. I agree that I must work to earn his forgiveness, but he did not turn me away. I informed him of my intention to propose.”
“What did he say?”
“His exact words were that he trusts your judgment, Clara, and he would abide by whatever decision you made.”
Clara smiled. She owed her father a great deal of thanks when she saw him again.
“We should have dinner with them to clear the air. And with Eleanor as well; I hate to think she has a poor opinion of me,” Clara said.
“Nonsense, although a dinner is a fine idea. Everyone shall be invited,” Gerald said, spreading his arms out as if to embrace the world.
“Even us?” Teddy asked.
“Especially you,” Gerald said. He lifted Teddy in the air again and raced across the garden. The other children followed, flinging their arms in the air and hooting wildly. It was such a profoundly happy sight, and Clara’s smile rested on her face. Theodore moved away, leaving Agatha by her side.
“I’m so happy for you, Clara. It struck me from the first moment you met that you and Gerald were made for each other.”
“You are wise, Grandmother. Thankfully we did not let the opportunity slip through our fingers, although we were close to doing so. Do you think that mother and father will be angry with him for long?”
“I believe that all wounds can be healed by love and happiness, and when they see how happy he makes you, they will not hold onto any bad feelings.”
A single tear trickled down Clara’s cheek. Agatha linked arms with her and tilted her head to the side.
“Is that a happy tear, or a sad one?” she asked.
“I’m not sure. Perhaps both. Today has brought wonderful news, and I suppose it’s only just beginning to settle in. But when I look at them like that, I can’t help but think that they’re going to be separated soon. This place will never be the same without them.”
“I know, but that is the nature of St. Margaret’s. It hurts us, but it’s a good thing that they find new families. It shows everything is working as it should.”
Clara sighed. “There’s just something different about the four of them. They’ve been together for so long, and I suppose part of it is that I have grown up with them as well. When they leave it feels as though I will be saying farewell to a part of myself.”
Agatha patted her arm. “I would like to tell you that it gets easier, but it doesn’t.
Just be comforted by the fact that you were able to give them stability and love when they needed it most. The thing about having children is that eventually we have to give them to the world.
Sometimes they suffer terribly, but other times they thrive.
We will always be there to comfort them when the former happens, and celebrate with them when the latter occurs.
You have always been good at bearing pain, Clara, and you will have to do it again and again if you are to continue working here. ”
“I couldn’t imagine being anywhere else,” she said. She watched as Gerald tumbled to the ground and all the children piled upon him, rolling over him, pinning him down, and tickling him. Clara put a finger to her lips and chuckled to herself.
“Does he know?” Agatha asked softly.
Clara shook her head.
“None of them do. I haven’t been able to bring myself to tell them yet.”
“You can’t keep it a secret forever, Clara. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.”
“I know,” Clara said with a sigh of inevitability.
It was just difficult to accept; that was all.
Things were going to change dramatically in the near future, and she wondered how much she was going to be changed by the events.
She supposed at least she had Gerald to stand by her and support her through the trying times.
He waved to her, beckoning for her to join. Agatha nudged her forward.
“Go on. Enjoy the time with them.”