Chapter 14 #3
Catriona leaned back and sighed dramatically.
It was easy to pretend she was nonchalant—as if she hadn’t spent the last few hours fretting over Joseph’s still and sweating body.
Every time he twitched in his sleep, she jolted as if it were her.
Every labored breath he took felt as if it was coming from her own lungs.
She hadn’t left his side once, praying that the next time he woke up, he would not be as disoriented as the other times.
It seemed her prayers had come true. He did seem more present this time, but his eyes were boring into her with such intensity that she was beginning to get nervous.
So, she reached for the cloth sitting on the bedside table, dipping it into the fresh bowl of water the maid had brought less than ten minutes ago. She wrung the cloth out and patted his forehead.
“How do you feel?” she asked softly, not daring to look into his eyes. Her heart was pounding so hard, she was almost convinced that he could hear it.
“Better,” he murmured. “All thanks to you.”
“I did not do anything. It was the physician who diagnosed you and told me what to do.”
She kept patting his forehead even though there was no more sweat, needing something to do so she wouldn’t focus on how hot he was making her. Joseph shifted, slowly reaching a hand up. He caught her wrist, stopping her from putting the cloth on his skin.
Catriona couldn’t breathe properly all of a sudden.
She was far too aware of how late it was, of the fact that the entire manor must be asleep except for them.
She was aware of the single flickering candlelight on the bedside table that cast deep shadows into the grooves of his face, making him appear far more untouchable, like a marble statue that belonged in a museum.
And his gentle touch, the pad of his thumb swiping carelessly across her wrist as he lowered her hand.
She should have gone to bed a long time ago, but she worried what might have happened to him during the night. Now, she wondered what would happen to her. What damage would be done to her heart by the end of this.
He released her hand and attempted to sit up.
“Don’t overexert yourself,” she urged even as he ignored her. “The physician said you need to stay rested.”
“I think I’ve gotten plenty of rest already,” he said. He finally managed to sit up, looking a bit winded by the time he was finished. He rested his head against the bed frame, lowering his lashes to look at her. Still, he said nothing.
Catriona dared herself not to look away. She tried schooling her features as best as she could. “You developed a cold,” she told him, needing to fill the silence.
“I thought as much.”
“Likely brought on by those long hours you work, neglecting everything else around you.”
“You may be right.”
“It was suggested that, once you recover, you take some time away from your work, lest you find yourself in the same situation.”
“Suggested by you, I assume?”
“The physician,” she answered stiffly. “Though I must say that I agree.”
Joseph nodded slowly. “Very well then.”
“Yes, I know that you have many things to take care of but—” She broke off, blinking at him. “Pardon me?”
“I said, very well. You are right. I shall try not to let my work consume me the way it used to.”
“Oh. That… was far easier than I expected it to be.”
His lips twitched. He closed his eyes briefly as he sighed. “I am far too tired to argue. Perhaps if I recover my strength in the morning, I will be singing a different tune.”
“Don’t get any ideas,” she warned. Her heart fluttered when his lips twitched again. “You gave us all quite the scare earlier, and I would much rather not miss another dinner.”
“You didn’t have to, Cat…”
Catriona looked away, suddenly glad for the limited lighting, hoping he wouldn’t see the blush staining her cheeks. “I know I didn’t have to. I could have let you faint in the hallway and left you there until the butler came across you. Is that what you would have preferred?”
This time, his lips curved upwards. “Who knew you could be so snarky?”
“You did. From the day you first met me, and I thought you were a weird man trying to steal Dorothea away.”
“I didn’t think you were snarky,” he protested, and then he chuckled when she raised her brow at him. “All right, only a little bit. But I was mostly in awe of the length you were willing to go to for a child you just met. And against someone you did not know.”
“And I would do it again if I found myself in the same situation. Though I could have been a little nicer.”
“I like when you’re stern.”
At this rate, her heart was going to stop dead in her chest. He hadn’t taken his eyes off her for a second, and that low-lidded look he gave her made heat curl in the pit of her stomach. “That’s the fever talking.”
“No, it isn’t,” he answered easily. “I admire it most about you. There are far too many who are always trying to put their best foot forward. Not only with me but with others, whether they are trying to gain favor or not. But you did not seem to care when you spoke to me. You treated me like you would anyone else. It was refreshing to see.”
“Is that why?” she murmured.
She was certain his eyes were glowing when he looked at her. “Is that why I asked you to marry me?”
She nodded slowly. “At times, when I think too deeply about it, I cannot understand your reasoning. I was terribly rude to you on our first meeting, and there were many other ladies who would be happy to marry you—ladies who would have easily fulfilled your needs. Beautiful, talented ladies who could step into the role of a duchess, who could have provided you with a dowry, who could easily listen to your commands without challenging you.”
“I have no need for a dowry, and those ladies are not you, plain and simple.”
Catriona thought she might combust right then and there. “You aren’t making any sense.”
“I am making sense. You simply do not want to believe it.” His hand reached up, playing idly with a tuft of hair framing her face. His finger brushed her cheek, and she nearly shuddered. “Dorothea called you her stepmother.”
She could only nod.
“I didn’t think I would ever see the day. It only proves to me that I made the right choice. No one else could have been a better option.”
“You’re still delirious from the fever, I see.”
Joseph chuckled softly. “Perhaps. Or perhaps I am simply tired.”
“Then rest.” She stood, happy she could do something to distract herself from his words. She fluffed his pillow then put her hands on his shoulders to urge him to lie down. To her surprise, he didn’t put up a fight.
Instead, he laid on his back, eyes drifting close. Before she could pull back, he caught her wrist. “Stay with me,” he murmured. “Just a short while longer.”
She shouldn’t. She was already in dangerous territory already.
Being here was a mistake. He'd set a clear boundary with her so that she did not break the one rule he’d instated upon their marriage, and here she was stepping over it.
There was to be nothing between them, she reminded herself.
Nothing but a marriage between consenting adults who each stood something to gain from it.
She couldn’t forget that. But she sat all the same.
She didn’t pull her wrist away from his grip.
She simply watched as he fell asleep and waited until his grip loosened.
Only then did she leave the room, unable to shake the feeling that she had left something important in the palm of his hands.