Chapter 11
Chapter Eleven
“Where are you?” Lydia called out.
She spread leaves and peered through before abandoning the search in this area and investigating another.
Small footprints were left all around her as she moved between the thick shrubs.
A worried look rested upon her face, and her lower lip trembled.
She wrung her hands together and eventually stopped, feeling utterly helpless.
Her eyes were ringed with tears, and a great swell of sorrow rose within her. She sniffed.
“Please come back,” she said mournfully, as though the words themselves were teardrops that trickled between her lips and poured upon the ground.
It wasn’t long before a comforting presence came to stand by her side. Her mother crouched down and placed a warm hand around Lydia’s shoulders, drawing her into the softness and the warmth to which Lydia had grown so accustomed.
Lydia fell into her mother’s embrace, turning her head towards her mother’s chest. Her shoulders shuddered, and her chest felt tight as raw emotions made their way up from that pit in her stomach where they resided, choking her.
“What’s wrong, darling? It’s a beautiful day, far too fine to be upset. Did Edmund or Charlotte say something to upset you?” her mother cooed.
Lydia looked up and shook her head. Her eyes were watery, but even through this blurred vision, her mother’s beauty was evident. Lydia sniffed and then pointed towards the shrubs.
“Floppy hasn’t come back,” she said.
“Oh,” her mother replied and bowed her head, kissing Lydia softly on the cheek. “Well, I’m sure she’ll come back soon. But she might have other obligations. Perhaps she’s been invited to rabbit balls.”
“This isn’t funny,” Lydia pouted.
The smile fell from her mother’s face, and she adopted a serious expression.
“Of course, it isn’t. I’m sorry. Come on. Let’s look together. Maybe we’ll find her,” she said, taking Lydia by the hand and leading her through the vast garden. Lydia liked to think of it as her own personal forest, and she wished that one day she might meet a fairy who would grant her a wish.
“Why is Floppy so important to you anyway?” her mother asked.
“I’m worried about her. She’s all alone, and she was scared. I don’t want her to be scared again.”
“No, she was very cold and shivering when you found her, wasn’t she? But you wrapped her up in a blanket and took care of her, and that’s what really matters.”
“But then I should take care of her all the time to make sure she doesn’t get hurt or ill.”
Her mother smiled and placed a hand on Lydia’s back.
“That does feel right, doesn’t it? But unfortunately, life doesn’t work that way. We can’t hold onto the things we love too tightly otherwise they can’t breathe.”
Lydia cocked her head and looked at her strangely.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, if I wanted to protect you, then I might keep you in your room all the time where it’s safe.
After all, for all I know, a giant bird might swoop down and pluck you into the air.
” As her mother said this, she lifted Lydia into the air and spun her around.
Lydia giggled despite her sadness although it quickly faded when her feet touched the ground again.
“But I’m not a rabbit.”
“No, you’re not. But you are my daughter, and I love you very much, and all I really want to do is keep you safe.
But I know that you have to live your life as well.
You need to explore all of this, and I’m sure it’s the same for Floppy.
What matters is that you’re here for her when she needs you.
I’m sure that she knows you’re nearby, just like you know that I will come for you whenever you need me. ”
She punctuated her words with a reassuring smile.
Lydia sighed.
“I just want to see her to make sure she’s well.”
“Then let’s just keep looking. We’ll stay out until it’s dark,” her mother said.
Lydia led her mother through the plants, bushes, and trees. Sometimes when she looked back, she could see the house although it seemed a world away. Her mother never let go of her hand. Then, suddenly…
“There,” her mother whispered. Lydia turned around and peered at a rising mound of dirt. The shrub rustled as though it was alive, and then a twitching nose emerged. A fluffy white rabbit with floppy ears hopped out and then looked around warily.
“Floppy!” Lydia cried, tempering her voice because she remembered what her mother told her about rabbits being easily startled. Lydia motioned to rush to Floppy, but she was held back by her mother.
“Wait,” her mother said.
Lydia watched as Floppy turned back. The shrub moved again, and from it came a few smaller rabbits, excitable and eager but never straying far from their mother. A broad smile came upon Lydia’s face.
“She’s had babies!”
“Yes, she has. No wonder you haven’t seen her for a while. Isn’t that lovely? You took care of her, and now, she can take care of her children.”
“They’re beautiful.”
“Yes, they are,” her mother said, staring lovingly at Lydia.
“Can I keep one?”
“I think it’s best if we leave them with Floppy for the time being, but I’m sure they’re going to be here for a long time, so you can come and visit them any time you like. Look at them eating the shrubs,” she observed.
Lydia giggled as one of the rabbits managed to stand up on its hind legs to reach a leaf. It didn’t quite succeed in keeping its balance, however, and fell onto its back, twisting around sharply and jumping to one side, as though it had startled itself.
She and her mother stayed and watched the rabbits for a little while.
“You see Lydia, sometimes in this world you can only look after things for a brief time. You don’t always get to keep them, but it doesn’t make what you feel any less important.
I’m so proud that you want to take care of things.
It’s called compassion, and it’s one of the most important qualities a person can have. ”
“Compassion,” Lydia said, testing the word as it swam over her tongue and left her mouth. It was a soft word, and she liked the sound of it. She smiled and watched as the rabbits disappeared into their burrow after eating.
“Shall we return to the house now? We can see Floppy and her children again another day.”
Lydia nodded. It was enough to know that they were safe.
Lydia awoke with a start. Cold beads of sweat glistened upon her forehead. Her hands clutched the bedsheets tightly. Sunlight broke through a narrow opening in the curtains, and for a moment, she was disoriented because the chamber was strange to her.
Then she remembered that she was no longer at Stonewood Manor, but at Nightford. Then, she looked at the ring on her finger.
She was married.
A temporary arrangement, Victor had assured her, but even so, the ring felt tight, like a single shackle.
Lydia’s thoughts turned immediately to the baby. She called in a maid to help her dress swiftly and then ventured to the baby’s room. There, she saw him being coddled by a woman who was a stranger to her. She had soft curled hair and wide shoulders.
“Who are you?” Lydia asked, trying to keep her question a matter of curiosity rather than accusatory, but she wasn’t entirely sure she succeeded. The woman turned to her and flashed a smile. She had brown eyes that crinkled at the side and rosy cheeks. The baby seemed quite happy in her arms.
Lydia strode up to them and took the baby’s hand.
“Mrs. Jones, Your Grace, although you can call me Georgia. I’m a wet nurse. I apologize that we did not get a chance to meet last night, but I assure you the little lord is doing fine. He’s got a healthy appetite, oh my!” she said, giggling.
Lydia was relieved.
“Good. I’m glad you have been able to take care of him.”
“Oh of course, Your Grace. There’s nothing in the world more precious than a little baby like this,” she said, making cooing noises after she spoke. “Might I ask though, what’s his name? Nobody has told me.”
Lydia paused for a moment. She hadn’t had a chance to think about that herself.
“I’m afraid we haven’t quite decided on one yet,” Lydia replied. She did not want to get into the details of the truth with this wet nurse. For all intents and purposes, the child was hers for the time being, at least until his true mother could be found.
“It can take some time to find the perfect name although in my experience, babies tend to grow into a name. They need a good, strong name though.”
“I shall think on the matter,” Lydia said. “Shall I take him?”
“Oh, I’m quite all right. Pray do get yourself some breakfast, at least if it pleases you, Your Grace,” Georgia suggested, catching herself because for a moment it sounded as though she was giving Lydia an order. Lydia suppressed a giggle, appreciating Georgia’s plain manner of speaking.
“Very well. Please get the child dressed, and I will return once I have eaten,” Lydia said.
She smiled at the baby and then went downstairs, expecting to find Victor waiting for her at the breakfast table.
This was the first day of their marriage, and it was important for them to begin it on the right foot.
Lydia wanted to make her intentions clear, for she was not content to simply wait for matters to resolve themselves.
She wanted to know the exact measures the Duke was taking to find the baby’s mother.
However, when she arrived at the breakfast table, she found herself alone. A servant arrived, asking her what she would like for breakfast.
“Where is my husband?” Lydia asked instead, and it did indeed sound strange to say those words.
She shuddered inside, thinking about how wrong it was that they should not bring a sense of pride or excitement.
In the books she read the women always felt as though they were floating when they spoke about the men they loved.
It was as though they had grown wings and become angels.
“I’m afraid His Grace is not present. He departed early this morning on business. He shall return in three days.”
“Three days?” Lydia repeated, anger rising inside. Her hands became tight balls, and she clenched her jaw. Heat rose to her cheeks. She was not prone to violence, but there was a part of her that wanted to throttle him. “Is there any way to contact him?”
“I’m afraid His Grace did not leave that information,” the servant said and then asked again what she wanted for breakfast. She waved her hand dismissively and asked him to bring anything he thought was appropriate. Lydia did not have the energy to think about that right now.
She sank into a chair and leaned forward, placing her head in her hands.
The Duke could not even stay for one day, not even for the sake of appearance!
She wondered how she was ever going to last in this interminable state.
He returned to his duties without a second thought.
Well, perhaps life could go on normally for him, and he could pretend that nothing had happened, but she could not do the same.
There was a child that depended on her even though she had not given birth to him, but otherwise, her marriage was empty.
Lydia was quite sure that she had never felt so alone as in this strange place with no friends around.
She could not trust the Duke with anything.
She was going to have to rely on herself.
It was at times like these when she dearly missed her parents.