Chapter 25 #2
“All we can do is try to endure it. My parents used to tell me that sometimes storms come along, and we can do nothing about them. They are a part of life, and the best we can do is prepare for them and hope that we have the strength to endure them. They were botanists, and they showed me that sometimes you could give a plant exactly what it needed and place it in the right environment, but even then, it may not grow properly. There is an unpredictable element to the universe.”
“And it’s called the ton,” Victor said.
Lydia laughed. The sound burst out of her quite unexpectedly, for she had not anticipated him being so wry given the nature of the conversation. He sipped his tea and looked amused.
“Edmund told me a little about your parents. They seem to have made a fine impression on you all. I regret that it is not possible to meet them.”
“As I do with yours,” Lydia said. “I’ll never forget them, and the way they were together.
They loved each other deeply, and they always showed affection to each other.
They faced every challenge together, and I always hoped I would have a love like that,” she said, blushing a little after she said this because she feared Victor might take offence.
If this was the case, he did not show any sign of it.
“My parents were more… traditional. They did not make a great display of their affection although they must have loved each other deeply as my father never remarried after Mother passed away.”
“How did she pass?” Lydia asked.
“Giving birth to Harry. It was horrible of me, but I used to blame him for the fact that she was not around any longer. I am ashamed of my behavior now.”
“You were only a child. I resented my parents for a long time after they died. I couldn’t understand why they had to go away. If they had just stayed with us, then they would have survived. They used to promise that they would always be with us, but they broke that promise when they died.”
“There is more of that unpredictability.”
Lydia nodded. “And we have both suffered from that. We have both endured it.”
“Indeed,” Victor said. With the fire crackling beside them, Lydia caught his gaze and found it to be warmer now when it had been intense before. It felt as though there was something being revealed to her, a profound truth that was within her reach but yet remained elusive somehow.
In that moment, she felt that anything was possible, even loving him.
“Victor, I need to ask you something. How can you bear it? How can you bear the thought of sending John away?” she asked.
Victor furrowed his brow.
“His place is with his mother,” he said flatly.
“Is it really? She didn’t want him. She abandoned him. Why do we think she would take loving care of him now?”
“Because that is what’s proper.”
Lydia averted her gaze. “I’m not sure she cares about what’s proper, whoever she is.”
“John at least deserves the chance to be with his mother. Besides, that is the agreement, is it not? Once it’s over, you will be able to dance with any suitor you like.
I believe that man who asked you to dance tonight intends to ask you again.
He has the look of a man who does not take one refusal as the end. ”
Lydia drew back, shocked at his words.
“I had no intention of dancing with him. The only man I wished to dance with tonight was you,” she said, and she regretted the words as soon as they slipped out because she feared she had revealed too much.
The truth was that she had tried to politely get Arthur Tillbury-Booth, the son of the Earl of Eddington, second of his name, which was the suitor’s name, to leave her alone, but he was rather insistent.
When she looked at him, she compared him to Victor, and in every way, he was lacking.
He was younger, not hardened by the world, and his lack of respect for her position as Victor’s wife showed her that he did not treat the world with any idea of propriety.
While she believed that Victor sometimes took it to an extreme, at least he had a sense of respect.
Victor clasped his hands and leaned forward.
“Good,” he said. His voice was low, more like a growl than a regular utterance.
Lydia leaned forward too. The fire seemed to be bringing them closer together, as though it was melting the air between them.
His lips parted. A rush of heat swept across her face, and it soon felt as though the fire had leaped into her body and was now an inferno, burning her from the inside out.
He came so close as to kiss her, and she was reminded of what happened the last time they were in this position.
He’d ignored her.
Would he do the same again?
She did not want to find out. She didn’t want to put herself in the position where she wanted him because she could already feel troublesome emotions swelling in her heart, and they would only cause her anguish.
Losing John was enough to bear. She did not want to fall in love with Victor and end up losing him as well because that’s exactly what might happen.
So Lydia wrenched herself away, tilting her head. It was only a slight movement, but it took all of her willpower and strength. Victor pulled back immediately. The moment had been broken, and it might never come again.
Lydia knew she should have been grateful for this, but she wasn’t happy at all.
“We should rest as we are visiting my family tomorrow. You are going to need your strength if you hope to survive them,” she said, returning the conversation to more practical matters.
They both rose from their chairs.
“Indeed. Goodnight, Lydia. I shall see you in the morning.”
Victor turned on his heels. His footsteps echoed in the silent library as he left.
Lydia was alone, with only the crackling fire for company.
She turned to the books. They had always been a source of comfort and wisdom for her, yet now, she did not believe any of them contained the answers she sought.
She bowed her head and took a heavy breath.
Should she have allowed Victor to kiss her? He might only have denied their connection again, but then, did it do any good for her to back away from him?
“Oh, my wretched heart,” she whispered to herself because she knew that she was starting to feel things for Victor, but it was a treacherous path, and it only seemed to lead to a disastrous end.
She simply hoped that she would be able to endure this storm that approached as there was no avoiding it. She had endured worse, of course, but this one… this one would take something from her, and she wasn’t sure how much of her would be left when all was said and done.