Chapter 28 #3
Lydia wanted to say that she didn’t have a choice, but that was not true. Caring for John came naturally to her, and it was something she wanted to do, just as now she felt a need to care for Juliet.
Lydia immediately felt ashamed for the resentment and enmity that she had allowed to bloom in her heart.
All of her life those feelings had rarely sprouted, and yet in this instance, it had been easy to hate the imagined shadow of the woman who had left John behind.
Lydia had assumed that she would be a mean-spirited, cruel thing.
Callous and hard, without a shred of decency in her heart because how could anyone who possessed a heart turn her back on her child?
Yet now that Juliet was standing before her, Lydia understood better than she ever had before.
Juliet hadn’t left John behind because she didn’t care.
She’d left him because she did love, because she wanted the best for him.
She had carved a huge gash in her heart, suffering the greatest wound that any woman could suffer, sacrificing all she had to give her child the best life.
A child who would never have known her.
Lydia’s heart trembled. She too had thought about how John would grow up without remembering her, and in this way, she and Juliet were reunited.
Juliet looked bedraggled. Confessing her story had taken all her energy, and now, she looked limp and hollow.
Her eyes were dark, and there was barely any life to her at all.
Lydia took her hands.
“I am no angel, Juliet. I simply did the right thing. I always did wonder what circumstances led to John’s mother…
” She allowed her words to dissolve. Lydia had intended to say, ‘abandoned him,’ but such worse seemed harsh and judgmental.
Juliet had opened her heart to Lydia. The last thing Lydia wanted was to insult the poor woman.
“I can see now that it was an abhorrent situation, and I am sorry that you found yourself in such a place.”
“I am too. Of all the things I thought of happening in my life… I knew as an actress I would be poor, but I never thought I would be as wretched as this. It is such a low to bear, especially after experiencing the highs of love. Lord Harry and I… I always dreamed of us having a family together, not apart. And now I’v,e ruined everything.
He would have been better off if he’d never met me. ”
“I’m sure that’s not true. I admit I don’t know Lord Harry too well, but I know he and Victor have quarreled about you. He still harbors resentment towards Victor about this, and I can only imagine how he’ll feel when he learns the truth.”
“You are going to tell him then?” Juliet looked up, flashing doubting eyes towards Lydia.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I?”
Juliet averted her gaze and spoke in a low tone. Her breaths were heavy. There was a leaden quality about her.
“Because it will cause more trouble. And you clearly love John, better than I ever could. It would be easier if you remained his mother.”
Lydia’s heart wrenched as she listened to these words. Part of her wanted to agree to keep this secret and push it all the way down past her heart, right into the very abyss of her soul where it would never see the light of day again.
Wasn’t everyone allowed one sin?
She could be John’s mother, unequivocally, and she would have dispelled the shadow of the woman who had given birth to him.
But that wouldn’t have been right. Lydia was, more than anything else, a woman of conscience. She licked her lips slowly and leaned in towards Juliet. They were two strangers who were bonded by a strange twist of fate, and this gave them a sense of unearthly kinship.
“I know what it is like to lose a mother. I would not want John to suffer the same fate, especially when he has a chance to know you. You should be in his life, and Lord Harry should know that he is John’s father. There is nothing more honorable than the truth.”
“You are a peerless woman. I should think there are none kinder than you in all the world. I am but a paper person, playing woman after woman so many nights that I am not sure I even know myself.”
“You do not have a role to play in this instance, Juliet. You only have to be.”
“The only other choice is not to be, I suppose?” Juliet replied with a wry smile.
Lydia shared the joke, referring to another of Shakespeare’s plays.
Juliet took a deep breath and pushed her shoulders back.
Lydia noticed that the trembling sensation had ceased in her fingers.
Color returned to her cheeks, and she looked a little stronger.
However, there was still fear in her eyes.
“What about the Duke? He did not approve of me before. I cannot imagine his opinion of me would have improved since then,” Juliet said.
“I shall speak with Victor. He can be difficult, but he is not without a heart, as hard as it might be to believe,” Lydia added this when she noticed Juliet rolling her eyes.
It was strange to want to defend the man, but Lydia took some pride in seeing him soften, and now that the truth had been revealed, she realized that all along he had been honest with her about not having a scandalous affair that resulted in John being left in his room.
She owed him an apology. With Lord Harry being the father, that also explained the resemblance to Victor. But John was Victor’s nephew rather than son, and any resemblance was due to the shared blood.
“It is not just I who have cared for John but Victor too,” Lydia said. Juliet softened.
“I never would have believed it.”
“He wants what is best for his family, even if he may not understand that sometimes compromises must be made. He has considered John his family and rightly so.”
“Then I suppose I shall have to thank him,” Juliet said bitterly before her features changed again. She turned her hand and placed her fingers between her teeth for a moment before giving Lydia an anguished look.
“And what about Harry? He would think me so awful.” Juliet rose to her feet again and paced before Lydia before turning and holding her hands to her heart.
“I think it best if I disappear. I have already caused too much trouble. John is clearly well cared for, and you know the truth. That is all I can give you.”
“No, Juliet. You cannot leave again. You must speak to Lord Harry and Victor yourself. Come to the house tomorrow before we return to Brighton.” Lydia stepped towards her, and an earnest look shone in her eyes. “Come and see your son.”
For a moment Juliet showed no sign of emotion, but then her lower lip wobbled, and her eyes filled with tears.
All the emotion erupted within her, and she fell upon Lydia, folding her arms around her.
Lydia held the trembling body, feeling like a mother in that moment just as much as when she cradled John, even though she and Juliet must have been of an age.
Lydia comforted the woman and made her promise that she would come by the house.
“I shall ready everything,” Lydia swore and then prepared to leave the room, for now she would need to confront Victor, and he must be as furious as a raging bull.