Chapter 8
Joanna’s body felt warm all over. She hadn’t realized he had lured her to a secluded area until it was too late. Now he was holding her hand as he was about to kiss her.
And the worst part? She wanted him to.
This entire date was a lie. She truly enjoyed her time with him. But if he knew the truth about who she was, then he would never look at her twice. Maybe one kiss will not hurt. Would it not be nice to pretend for a little longer?
He gently touched the underside of her chin with his index finger to lift her face to meet his own. She inhaled sharply as heat spread through her and smelled his slightly musky cologne. She looked down at his soft lips, getting closer and closer and knew it would be so easy to let him kiss her.
She could not do that, and she knew it. It would be wrong. Right before their lips touched, she put her hands on his chest and pushed him away. She did her best not to notice how muscular his chest was, but was not completely successful at ignoring that fact.
He looked surprised and disappointed. His eyes were dark with desire, but he didn’t try to pull her back in for a kiss.
Joanna swallowed. “We cannot, Your Grace. I am simply not interested in you.”
She turned away to look at the paintings on the wall. None of them were particularly interesting. All of them were still lifes of pears in different arrangements. But it was better than looking at the duke at this particular moment, especially as she tried to get control of herself.
He didn’t move from his spot. She wasn’t sure if she was disappointed or not that he wasn’t closing the short amount of distance between them.
“Forgive me,” he said softly. His voice brushed over her skin like velvet.
“I forgot myself for a moment. My lady, I understand you are not interested in marriage, and frankly, I am not interested in courting an unwilling lady. But I enjoy spending time with you. Perhaps we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement.”
She didn’t trust herself to speak, so she kept looking at the painting in front of her. If she spoke or even looked at him, then he would see just how willing she was, and he would never give up the hunt.
When she didn’t reply, he continued speaking again.
“Even if I stop sending you invitations, other gentlemen surely will, and your parents will simply accept them on your behalf again. I will also be forced to turn my attentions to other eligible ladies because my grandmother is determined to see me married off this season. However, if I publicly court you for the rest of the Season, then your family will not push you to entertain other suitors, and the dowager duchess will not send invitations to other ladies without my knowledge. At the end of the Season, we can part ways amicably without harming either of our reputations, if that is what you wish. I will accept your decision and be grateful to have been able to spend time with you at all.”
Joanna swallowed, trying to eradicate the lump in her throat, but it stubbornly persisted. “Bloody hell,” she whispered. “I never expected you to be this kind.” I never expected to enjoy your company as much as you enjoy mine.
“Is that a yes?” His voice was still gentle and full of hope.
“No, I cannot.”
“Why not? I can ensure you no longer have to fend off suitors this Season. Isn’t that what you want?”
The real Penelope would absolutely want that arrangement, although perhaps not with the Duke of Ice. But she couldn’t pretend to be Penelope for the rest of the Season. She was sure to be found out. “I cannot accept, Your Grace.”
“Can you at least tell me why?” Frustration was creeping into his voice. “Do you detest my company that much?”
“No, I don’t,” she said quickly. She couldn’t pretend to dislike him.
“Then perhaps you don’t think I’m a man of my word.” He sounded genuinely hurt at that. “Perhaps you think I’m going to try to trap you in marriage.”
“No, of course not!”
“I wouldn’t blame you if you did. I know what the gossip sheets say about me. I know most of the ton thinks I’m a monster. I had hoped you would see differently, especially after I told you the real reasons I went after that baker and Baron–”
She turned to look at him quickly, only to see he looked angry and fearsome even though he merely sounded disappointed.
Whether or not he meant to, he was a terrifying man.
But he wasn’t a monster. “I don’t think you would hurt me or any other lady,” she said.
“And I certainly don’t think you’re a monster.
You’ve already proven to be much kinder than the ton seems to think you are. ”
He didn’t look convinced. “I’m trying to give you what you want, Lady Penelope, and you still refuse me. I can see no other reason for your refusal except that you do think I’m exactly the sort of man who takes pleasure in hurting and toying with others.”
I cannot do this. The last thing she wanted was to make him think she saw him as a monster. “I assure you, that’s not the reason. I know you are a man of honor.”
“Then tell me why you don’t accept my proposal!” His voice was barely lower than a shout now.
She blinked away tears that threatened to blur her vision.
She turned away so she could compose herself, only to hear him murmuring apologies for raising his voice.
How could anyone think this man was a monster?
Yes, he was formidable, but she could already tell from the short time they had spent together that he was also kind.
She took a deep breath before turning to face him again.
However, she could not look him in the face as shame settled deep in her stomach.
She had two options: she could either let him think that she was afraid of him or she could tell him the truth and face the consequences for her actions.
She wasn’t going to take the coward’s way out now.
“I am afraid I cannot accept, Your Grace. Not because I don’t want to, but because I have been deceiving you.
I am not Lady Penelope Atwood. I am Miss Thorne. ”
She looked up at him to see his look of disbelief as she continued to talk. “Lady Penelope is my friend. I was telling you the truth about her not being interested in marriage. She urged me to go in her stead so I could dissuade you from pursuing her.”
“Truly?” he said. “You are not lying?”
“I am afraid not, Your Grace. Not about this. To be honest, I have enjoyed your company greatly, and under other circumstances, I would have been happy to accept your proposition. But my father is the Viscount of Clifford, and I am sure his reputation precedes him. I am not well known, so I doubt anyone has recognized me at the tea shop or here at the gallery. But if you continue your association with me, then your reputation will surely be harmed.”
He looked stunned, and she wished he would say something, even if it meant him scolding her for her deception. But he didn’t speak.
“I apologize, Your Grace,” she said. “Truly. I don’t expect you to forgive me, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
I never expected it to get this far, and I promise I will no longer infringe on your time.
” She spun on her heel and hurried out of the room as quickly as she could.
Tears stung her eyes as she searched for Lydia.
The older woman found her a second later. “There you are, miss,” she said. “I turned around for one second only for you to run off!” Her eyes widened as she looked at Joanna’s stricken face. “What did he do? Did that man hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No, he’s a perfect gentleman. We must go, Lydia. I never wish to return here again.”