Chapter 23
Evan stayed locked in his study for the next two days, attending to matters of Parliament. At least, that’s what he told his family. In truth, he could not stop thinking about Joanna.
The kiss played over and over in his mind, like a scene from a theater play from hell. To top it off was the wounded expression on her face as she admitted that she thought he was the monster that everyone else saw.
“That’s not what she said,” he muttered to himself as he tapped his fingers against his desk.
He had been reading the same piece of paper for over an hour, and he was no closer to understanding its contents now than he was that morning when he sat down to work.
“All she said was she had been expecting you to end the agreement. That’s only reasonable after you asked to meet with her privately to discuss it. ”
Feeling agitated, he stood up to pace. Perhaps he was just as monstrous as everyone else seemed to think he was.
He certainly didn’t care about possibly ruining her when he asked her to meet him alone in the sunroom.
He had simply wanted to get her away from the other gentlemen. As if he had a right to—
The door opened, interrupting his spiraling thoughts. His grandmother walked in. “Good. You are taking a break from work. Join me for tea in the library.”
“Why? Is it going to rain?” He looked out the window to see a few clouds, but no sign of danger.
He couldn’t think of another reason why she would want him to join her in the library instead of saying whatever she needed to say in his study, unless they were going to get interrupted by the sound of rain banging on his window.
“No, but I enjoy the library, and I miss spending time with my grandson. I see Peter plenty, but I barely see you.”
“I am busy, Grandmother.”
“Yes, yes. Busy pacing a hole in the floor. Do not pretend that it’s paperwork keeping you occupied, my dear boy. Now come.”
Evan sighed, knowing he had no choice but to follow the dowager duchess. If he tried to ignore her request, then she would just come back with reinforcements in the form of Peter, who would happily wrestle Evan away from his work.
Tea was already waiting for them in the library. “What is on your mind, Grandmother?” He could already guess what she wanted, though. There was only one particular subject that she would want to talk about.
The dowager duchess sat down to pour them both tea before she took a couple of tea cakes for herself. “When am I going to meet the lady who has stolen your heart?”
He grimaced as he sipped his tea. “That’s a dramatic way of putting it, don’t you think?”
“Is it not an apt description? Ever since the ball, you’ve locked yourself away, brooding—”
“I haven’t been brooding—”
“Brooding over a few dances. Nothing appeared in the scandal sheets, and by all accounts, the night was a success. And yet, you are still unhappy. Perhaps seeing her again will be enough to perk you up. Besides, Peter and I must meet her.”
“The night was a success. Miss Thorne was wonderful. She charmed everyone there. There is nothing for you to worry about.”
“I know,” his grandmother said, her eyes twinkling.
“I have heard as much from you as well as from some mothers who are very put out that their daughters did not catch your eye. I am just trying to find out what the issue is. You’ve been absolutely miserable for someone who spent a night by his beloved’s side. ”
An image of Joanna, with her mouth swollen from his kiss as she looked up at him with a wounded expression, flashed through his mind. “She is not my beloved. I just… I just worry about hurting her.”
His grandmother frowned. “Why would you worry about that? I would think the opposite would be true. Associating yourself with her could hurt you. Not that it matters, of course,” she said quickly. “The circumstances with her father are not relevant if you love her.”
He ignored that remark about ‘love.’ He could not love Joanna or any other woman, not if he wanted to remain unmarried.
Unmarried meant minimizing the risk of losing loved ones.
Peter would call it his incessant need to control, but he simply couldn’t experience the same pain that he felt when he lost his parents.
“There was a lot of talk that night, and not just about Joanna and her father. But a lot of people expressed surprise that I would consider courting anyone. They seemed to imply I wasn’t capable of affection for anyone at all. ”
This wasn’t really the problem. He did not care what the rest of the ton thought about him. He didn’t care if they feared him as long as they respected him. He just didn’t want Joanna to fear him.
But he could not tell his grandmother about the kiss. He could not tell anyone about it.
The dowager duchess reached over to grab his hand and squeezed it softly.
“Do not let gossip mongers get to you, Evan. You might be stern and enjoy your privacy, but you are hardly incapable of love and affection. Just look at me and Peter. You certainly love us, do you not? You are a better man than most in the ton, and Miss Thorne would be a fool not to see that.”
He smiled softly, feeling somewhat reassured, even if he hadn’t been completely truthful. “Thank you, Grandmother.”
“Of course, my dear.” She picked up her teacup again. “Now, when can I meet this young lady? I would like her over for dinner before the week is done.”
He sighed, knowing he could not put it off forever. “Perhaps you are right. I will send the invitation today.”
His grandmother beamed, and even though he was reluctant to do so, he was glad he could make her happy.
After tea, he sent the invitation, and received an eager acceptance before supper. He was not surprised, but he could not help but dread seeing Joanna again after what he had said to her.