Chapter 33 #2
Joanna felt a lump form in her throat. “I enjoyed spending time with her as well.”
Unable to put it off anymore, she went downstairs to the drawing room, where Evan was pacing, looking agitated. Mrs. Lucas followed behind her and stood at attention just inside the drawing room. There would be no more risk of unchaperoned visits now.
When he saw her, his face broke out into a smile, only for it to dissolve into a worried frown. “What is the matter?”
Oh no. He had not heard. This was even worse than she thought. “There was an article in the gossip columns yesterday. You didn’t see it?”
He waved his hand dismissively. “I don’t read that trash, and I have not talked to my brother or grandmother today. I don’t care what it says about your father.”
“It’s not about my father. Not this time.” She looked around for a spare copy of the newspaper.
Out of her peripheral vision, she saw the housekeeper take a folded piece of paper out of her pocket. She handed it to Joanna with an apologetic look. Joanna smiled her thanks before handing it over to Evan. She was happy she had not eaten breakfast today because her stomach was already churning.
Evan took the paper from her hands and skimmed over the words. Confusion turned into disbelief and anger before he tossed the paper to the side.
“How dare they write such things about you?” he growled. “I will find whoever wrote this trash and I will destroy them. They will publicly apologize, and they will think twice before picking up a pen again.”
Joanna felt a rush of appreciation for his protectiveness, but it also made her heart break even more.
“It would not change anything,” she said. “You cannot make the ton forget about that article, can you? Everyone has seen it, and they will remember it. I am ruined.”
“You are not ruined,” he said. “So, someone found out you have been visiting me. So what? I will marry you, and it will not matter anymore.”
She inhaled sharply. She had longed for him to propose to her. When she was alone in her room, she would admit to herself that she didn’t just want a business arrangement with him. She wanted something real. She wanted to truly court him and then marry him.
But not like this. Not because he felt obligated to protect her because of the scandal sheets.
“You will do no such thing,” she said sharply. “It was never my plan to trap you in marriage, and I will not hurt you anymore. So I am canceling our agreement.”
She refused to look at him, scared about what she would see. Would he look heartbroken or relieved? Either reaction would be equally painful.
“Mrs. Lucas and I have already taken the liberty of packing up all of your presents. So you can take them with you when you leave.”
“Just like that?” he growled. “You made the decision for both of us, then? Don’t I get a say in this?”
“It is the practical choice and you know it,” she said.
“We were going to break it off at the end of the Season anyway. It’s only a week early.
” She risked a glance at his face only to see him looking completely devastated.
She turned away quickly. “I know I am not holding up my end of the agreement, so I understand if you don’t wish to provide my dowry or find me a husband.
All I ask is that you give Aurelia a dowry, so she has a fighting chance of escaping the familial curse. ”
“I want to take care of you, too,” he said. “I don’t care if we end the agreement now. I will protect you. I will make sure you are all right.”
She shook her head. “No, please. A dowry would be wasted on me now. I didn’t spend time with you because of the money. I spent time with you because I wanted to.”
“I know,” he said softly. “At least, I know you weren’t with me just because of the money. And I didn’t enjoy your company just because you were the first woman who didn’t run screaming at the sight of me.”
She smiled, but could not stop a tear from falling down her face. “I know. I wish this could be different.”
He nodded and swallowed. “Yes. Me too.”
She turned to leave. “I am afraid we have nothing more to discuss. I would offer you some tea, but it would be quite painful now, I think. Goodbye, Your Grace. I wish you well.”
As she started to walk out of the room, he called. “Joanna—”
“Please,” she said, spinning around. Her voice broke on the word, and she could have kicked herself for it. “This is already hard enough. Don’t make it worse.”
He looked at her intently. “I don’t care what they say about you. I want you. I can fix this, so please let me.”
“No,” she said. “I can’t trap you in marriage.” She took a deep breath. “I will not do it, Your Grace. I want to take care of you, the way you have taken care of me all of this time. But the only way I can do that is to stay away from you. That’s the only protection I can give you.”
“I don’t need your protection,” he growled.
“Well, you have it anyway,” she said. “I am not going to ruin your life. Everything I did, I did of my own free will. When I visited you alone, I gambled with my reputation, and I lost. Which should be no surprise to anyone, right? I am my father’s daughter, after all.
” She took a deep breath, trying to fight back the fresh wave of tears that threatened to rise up.
“The point is, this isn’t your responsibility.
I can no longer accept your generosity, Your Grace. But I wish you well.”