Chapter 35
After sending Evan away, Joanna flopped down on her bed, still fully dressed. She wanted to hide under the blankets again, like she did this morning, but she knew it would not make her feel better.
His pained expression was still imprinted on the front of her mind. She hugged herself. Why did he look so distraught when she ended things? Should he not be relieved?
Of course, an honorable man like him would offer his hand in marriage to her to keep her from being ruined.
But she released him from that obligation.
He got his wish to have a life as an eternal bachelor.
No one in the ton would hold it against him for ending things with a fortune hunger.
If anything, people would just think he had just come to his senses. His reputation was safe enough.
So why did her decision devastate him?
Tears started to fall down her cheeks, but she barely noticed them. A soft knock on the door shook her out of her stupor. “Come in,” she said quietly.
Her mother walked in. “Lady Penelope is here to see you. Your father went out.”
Joanna grimaced, knowing without a doubt that meant her father went out to a gambling hall. “Thank you,” she said. “Tell Penelope I will be down in a moment, please.”
Her mother nodded before pausing and turning to her. “I think you should have accepted the duke’s hand. It might not be too late, you know. We can arrange a carriage to take you—”
“No,” she said firmly, getting out of bed. “It wasn’t a real courtship, Mother. We had a mutually beneficial arrangement, that’s all. I go on dates with him, and he pays for Aurelia’s Season and dowry.”
“Whether it was real or not, he still offered to marry you. You don’t have to be in love to have the safety he would provide you.”
“Yes, but he doesn’t want it. I am not going to condemn him to save myself.”
She looked disappointed, but she nodded. “I hope you change your mind,” she said. “Before it’s too late.”
“It’s already too late, Mother. And my mind was already made up.” She offered her mother a strained smile. “I am sorry. I know I haven’t made things easier for you this Season.”
“I can take care of myself,” she said. “It is you I am worried about.”
“I will be fine. I promise.” She gave her mother a hug before going downstairs.
Penelope was standing in the drawing room, pacing instead of sitting in a chair. She turned in Joanna’s direction. “I came over as soon as I heard. I am so sorry.”
Joanna pulled her friend into a hug. She felt tears threaten to overwhelm her, but she blinked them away. “I have been such a fool, Penelope,” she said. “I should have been more careful.”
Penelope didn’t say anything in response, but gently steered them to the drawing-room chairs. “Have you heard from the duke since the article came out?”
Joanna nodded. “Even worse. I am the one who told him about it. He came here for some reason, but he had not seen the article yet. I gave it to him to read.”
Her friend looked at her with a furrowed brow. “What happened then?”
A lump formed in Joanna’s throat, and she tried to swallow it down. “He offered to marry me.”
Penelope’s eyes widened. “That’s fantastic!”
“I said no.”
She frowned. “Why would you do that?”
Joanna told her friend about the arrangement she had with the duke. Penelope’s eyes widened in surprise, but she quickly understood.
“That was a smart arrangement for both of you,” she said.
“But I don’t believe for one minute that he was entirely indifferent to you.
I saw the way he looked at you. The man was infatuated with you.
He was jealous every time another man stole your attention away.
I just didn’t know what his intentions were until you said he proposed to you. ”
Joanna sighed. “He wasn’t indifferent to me. He desired me, the way I desire him. But he never had any intention of marrying anyone. He is an honorable man who offered to save me from ruin. Who is saving Aurelia from ruin? I will be forever in his debt for that. I don’t want to trap him.”
“But if you don’t marry him, you will be ruined! No other man will have you.”
“Then my life will not be so much different from before, will it?” Joanna said quickly. “I didn’t exactly have suitors lining up to meet me before the duke took an interest in me.”
Penelope sighed. “Please, Joanna. He offered to marry you to protect you. It might not be too late to make that happen.”
A tear slipped down Joanna’s face. “Please, stop,” she said. “I have heard as much from my mother. But I have already entered into one business arrangement with him. I don’t want to do another one, especially when it would hurt him so much.”
“But—”
“It was my actions that put me in this situation, not his. He is a wonderful man, Penelope. He was so kind to me, and it was that kindness that made him extend his hand in marriage, but it is not what he really wants. He deserves a chance at happiness, and he can’t have that if he’s saddled with me. ”
Penelope stared at her. “You are in love with him, aren’t you?”
She bit her lip, not wanting to say it, but also not wanting to lie.
“I am.” The truth felt like a thousand knives, all at once.
But she could not deny it. “He’s so kind, Penelope.
He’s warm and funny. He’s nothing like what everyone says he is.
” She hugged her arms around her middle, as if that would stop the ache in her stomach. “I am going to miss him. Truly.”
Penelope pulled her friend into her arms and held her close. “I know,” she whispered. “I am so sorry.”
Joanna closed her eyes, savoring the comfort. “It’s all right. I will be all right.” She didn’t need a fairytale ending. Somehow, she would find a way through this.