Chapter 19
Had Anna hoped that the makeshift boundaries would be enough to keep him from her door?
Maybe, in a brief moment beneath the warm water of the bathtub, where she had imagined his hands exploring her bare body.
Did she know what to do now that he had breached those walls and stepped right into her fantasy? Absolutely not.
Why am I not afraid?
Jeremy had his hand around her throat, and could probably strangle her in seconds, but there did not seem to be any threat in it. It was more like possession, that wildness that seemed to free her own.
“It is not about what you want,” she rasped, her skin already feverish and tingling at his touch. “It is about what is… proper.”
Her breath hitched as he sank to his knees behind her, his arm sliding around her waist, pulling her hard against his chest.
All she could think about was the words that had plagued her since she left her study.
‘I wouldn’t marry a lass I didn’t want to get on me knees for…’
Well, he was on his knees, and though she had not been waiting for him, she had been… anticipating his response to the divisions she had put up. And, right now, in a dazing surge of desire, she was certainly eager for whatever that meant.
“I am not one of yer fine English gentlemen, lass,” he growled against her shoulder. “I don’t much care for what’s proper, and nor should ye.”
“We cannot,” she insisted, her voice straining. “You should leave or I shall…”
As his hand curved around the swell of her breast and his mouth grazed a searing line up her neck, she forgot what it was she would do if he didn’t depart at once. There were no words, just wanting, her breath short and sharp, as if blowing on the scorching embers of her desire.
“Scream?” Jeremy purred, close to her ear. “Aye, ye already said that. So, why don’t I see what I can do about it?”
His teeth raked across her earlobe, and her body shivered in response, the hard press of his chest against her shoulders making her want to melt into him. Meanwhile, his hand gripped the soft flesh of her breast, loosening the feeble wrap of the bath linen.
“Look at me,” he whispered, his lips tracing the edge of her jaw. “Look at yerself.”
Moaning softly as he rolled her nipple between his thumb and forefinger, her eyelids fluttered, wanting to close so she could lose herself in the fantasy. Instead, she looked at herself, just as he had commanded.
“Aye, like that,” he said, a smirk upon his lips; she could feel it there against her skin.
Her breath caught as she watched him in the mirror’s reflection: watched as his hand glided down her throat and through the valley between her breasts, slowly smoothing his palm over her stomach.
Her gaze fluttered to his lips, filled with awe as she watched herself be kissed—his mouth savoring the curve of her neck, the ledge of her shoulder, the line of her jaw, and the slight dip of her temple.
“Jeremy…” she murmured, overcome.
“Aye, lass?” he murmured back, as his hand veered to the right, to the seam of the bath linen.
“I…”
“Tell me to leave,” he growled softly, as he began to unwrap her like a gift. “Tell me to get out of this room, and I will.”
She gasped as his lips touched the nape of her neck, a sensitive spot that sparked a fire, igniting fireworks in her mind.
Her thoughts floated and spun until only the sensation of his mouth and the sight of him peeling away the damp bath linen remained, revealing her to both of them in the mirror’s reflection.
With absent surprise, she noticed that he no longer wore a bandage. The skin of his palm was scarred, and she knew by sight that it was a burn. Healed, but permanent.
“What happened?” she whispered, reaching for that wounded hand and bringing it to her lips. An instinct that would not be denied.
She kissed the damaged skin and noticed how he paused, his black eyes blazing with a feeling she could not decipher.
Instead of answering her question, Jeremy pulled the last of the fabric away from her and let the bath linen fall to the floor.
When he touched her again, his hand resuming its slow descent, it felt like he was awakening every nerve inside her—her entire body under his spell, summoning pleasure she could not have imagined.
“Oh, Jeremy…” she gasped, her neck arching.
She didn’t need to see herself reflected anymore; she just needed to feel his touch, his kiss.
He smiled against her neck, and as his fingertips slipped between her thighs, brushing over a pulsing, thrumming point of pure bliss, he turned her face with his other hand and kissed her slowly and sensually on the mouth.
She could not even properly kiss him back as a soft cry escaped her lips, her hips bucking as pleasure erupted from that unknown center of ecstasy. Each stroke of his fingertips was like lightning, crackling through the web of nerves he had awakened, causing her to tremble against his strong frame.
“Oh God… Oh…” she panted, as her hand clawed into his hair, pulling his mouth harder against hers, kissing him with all of the passion that pummeled through her veins. As if it were the only thing that could anchor her to the real world.
His kiss might have been hard and fierce, his tongue dancing with hers, but the movement of his fingertips was slow and teasing: skillful circles that made her want to thrash and writhe, teasing strums that left her gasping against his mouth, and firm pressure that threatened to ignite something inside her.
She wanted to turn to kiss him, wanted to twist around on her vanity’s stool and wrap her legs around him, wanted to tear his shirt off and pull him against her so they were skin to skin, nothing between them.
But the sensation of his fingertips was too powerful, holding her there as her breath came in shorter, shallower gasps.
“Jeremy…” she moaned as that unfamiliar sensation of something about to explode grew more and more potent, overwhelming her. “Oh, Jeremy… Jeremy…”
He smiled against her mouth as he kissed her more fiercely, her lips swollen from the intensity of the kiss, her head spinning with new sensations.
Her grip tightened on the wavy locks of his hair as that powerful feeling continued to grow, while her other hand reached behind her, clutching a fistful of his shirt to steady herself against whatever was coming.
“Tell me what ye like,” he purred, his fingertips slowly rubbing small circles upon that bundle of sparking nerves.
“That!” Anna gasped as his other hand smoothed over her bare breast and lightly pinched her nipple between thumb and forefinger.
She did not even think about the rest of the household as she cried out, surprised to find that the small shiver of pain intensified the surge of pleasure.
Her thighs pressed together as if to contain the volatile bliss growing within her, desire pooling in her core, while Jeremy continued that tantalizing strum: just enough pressure, just the right spot, giving her what she wanted—even when she did not know what that was.
“Oh, God…” She grasped his shirt so desperately that her fingernails raked across his ridged abdomen, her mouth hungrily trying to savor his kiss as her body came alive.
Alive in a way it had never been before, as though she had been wandering blindly through existence for all of her four-and-twenty years of life, and now she was running with her arms out and her eyes wide open, seeing the bright beauty of the world in all its colorful glory.
It was a detonation. There was no other way to describe it. One moment, something was building; the next, pure ecstasy exploded, seizing her in a crashing wave so powerful that it seemed to take over her entirely.
She clung to Jeremy as she gasped his name, her nerves ablaze, her heart pounding, her lungs burning, her limbs trembling from the overwhelming wave of pleasure hitting her all at once.
For all her years, she had no idea. On her wedding night, she had been scared of what might happen alone with a man, but there was no fear with Jeremy.
There was only this: wave after wave of shuddering, electric bliss.
He eased his touch, his other arm wrapped around her as if to hold her together.
Gradually, as the intensity faded and the pleasure relinquished control to her own mind and body, she melted into that tight embrace.
Her forehead pressed against his, her grip loosening in his hair, her hand slipping from his shirt, breathless and satisfied in a way she had not realized was possible.
“There’s nay need for yer divides,” Jeremy said softly, as he grazed one last kiss to her lips.
He reached down and picked up the bath linen that he had dropped, carefully wrapping it around her.
And as she sat there, still catching her breath, still trying to figure out why no one had told her that something like that feeling could exist, he slowly dried the last of the dampness from her skin.
Why is he being so nice? Is it to lessen the blow when he tells me that his mind is unchanged? She couldn’t bring herself to ask. Not yet.
When he was done drying her, he fetched her robe from the back of a nearby chair and placed it on her shoulders.
“Are ye all right, lass?” he asked, no doubt concerned that she hadn’t spoken for some time.
She caught his eye in the mirror’s reflection as she pulled the housecoat tighter around herself and rose to her feet. “Stop it.”
“Stop what?” he replied.
She could not look at him without the barrier of the mirror. “Being good to me.”
Without the rush of euphoria coursing through her, stark clarity pierced through the haze in her mind.
Yes, that had felt amazing. Yes, she wanted more; she wanted to experience that feeling as often as she could.
She needed to discover what else life had to offer, but…
she could not be someone’s lover. She definitely could not weaken her position and leverage by being his.
And he does not want me here. This changes nothing. She was certain of that now. It was the only reason he was being so attentive; to appease her.
“Ye didn’t like it?” he asked, an eyebrow raised. “Forgive me, lass, but it sounded like ye–”
“It is not about whether I liked it or not,” she interrupted sharply, her breath growing ragged again.
Of course, I liked it! I liked it… too much. But never again.
“It is about the fact that you have come into my home and turned my life upside down, and then you… make me feel things that I cannot explain,” she continued, turning her back on him so she could slide her arms into the sleeves of her robe and fasten the belt.
“But since you plan to marry me off to someone else, I—”
“Never say that again,” Jeremy growled, cutting her off.
She whirled around, her robe like armor against any charm or misunderstanding. “It is the truth, is it not? It is what you have been determined to do since you met me. Are you now trying to tell me that this changes something? Have your plans altered?”
She dared him to correct her… and deep down, urged him to. After all, what they had done more or less fulfilled what he had said he would seek in a wife. Why not her?
Jeremy moved toward her, but she put her hands up, and he stopped. “I did not say that. Just… don’t say it. I can’t stand it.”
“Whyever not?” she replied. “Am I not allowed to speak the truth? If you no longer like the thought of me being married to someone else, then marry me yourself. If you do not plan to marry me yourself, then stay away from me. I am serious, this time. From now on, every room where you might find me alone will be locked to you.”
His black eyes burned in the dim light of the dressing room, a muscle twitching in his jaw, his face tense as if in pain. It could not be the scar on his hand; that was mostly healed. So, why did he look as if she had hit him?
“I won’t marry anyone, Anna. I won’t love anyone, care for anyone, be a husband, a family, to anyone,” he said thickly, attempting to approach again.
“If there was ever a lass, it would be ye, but… just because I won’t wed doesn’t mean I will let ye belong to anyone else.
I can’t let anyone else have ye. Not as long as ye stay here. ”
Her name from his lips was a magical thing that tried to tap at the wall she had built around her heart, but it was not strong enough to break through. He would not marry: fine. She would not be someone’s mistress, someone’s secret lover. As such, it seemed they were at an impasse.
A pity, really, considering the wonder of what had happened just a few minutes ago. Yet, that was the nature of Jeremy, turning everything upside down, over and over.
She cast him a cold smile, saddened that so much could shift in an instant. “Then, it is fortunate that I will be leaving as soon as possible.”
Breezing past him, holding her breath in case he reached for her, Anna walked through the adjoining door to her bedchambers and locked it behind her. She locked the main door too, just in case.