Chapter 23
How could he do that? Anna fumed as she thudded up the stairs to her bedchambers, her thoughts in disarray. I know he has not changed his mind about marriage, so… why has he done this?
It couldn’t have been because she played one innocent game with Colin.
Yes, Jeremy had clearly been furious and more than a little bit jealous, but he had had every opportunity to ask her to marry him in a private setting.
And he had not. He had only done it because Colin had, strangely, coerced him.
She turned sharply as she heard footsteps in the entrance hall below her, praying they were Katherine’s but knowing they were not; the footsteps were too heavy, too much like the drum of a man who had come to explain himself.
“Don’t run,” Jeremy said, his hands up. “Anna, stop.”
Her gaze drifted toward the landing and the thought of her peaceful bedchambers, as she attempted to gauge whether or not she would make it before Jeremy caught up to her.
To her dismay, she remembered that she had not locked the dressing room door, nor the adjoining door to her room.
Even if she made it to her bedchambers, she would not be able to lock so many doors before he made it to her.
Still, she couldn’t very well have this conversation here, where anyone might eavesdrop.
She turned around and slowly made her way to the landing, then through the curtain that sealed off her territory. With each step, she was aware of Jeremy following, her body traitorously responding to the promise of his proximity.
She halted at her chamber door and folded her arms across her chest, glowering at him as he approached.
“What’s wrong?” he asked.
Her temper flared. “You have the gall to ask me that?”
“It solves our problems.” He shrugged. “And I wasn’t going to let ye face slander alone. I wasn’t going to let ye face it at all, not when it was me who took ye into the gardens. The fault was mine, so I remedied it.”
He really had no idea why she was upset. Evidently, he thought he’d done the righteous thing, and maybe he had, but what did it matter for someone like her?
“I am a widow,” she replied sternly. “No one would have cared that much. The scandal would not linger. And Katherine was there, already remedying what you did by leading me away. Besides, as I said, I have been married once. I am not a debutante; people would assume I am not innocent anyway, so it is not as if it would ruin my virtue or prospects.”
Faint warmth crept into her cheeks, still embarrassed to speak of such things even though he was the man who had awakened her to less innocent acts. He was the man her body longed for, even now.
“Did ye want me to let ye risk that theory?” Jeremy asked, his eyebrow raised. “That’s ridiculous, Anna.”
She laughed stiffly. “Is it any more ridiculous than marrying a man who only cares for me when he kisses me? A man who has told me, already, that he cannot care for me and does not wish to? A man who said he wants no family of his own, which means no children for me? Is that truly any better than me taking my chances with the gossip of the guests downstairs? Maybe, to stay in your good graces, they would not have uttered a word.”
She cursed herself for letting him pull her toward that wisteria tunnel, for not being stronger. Then again, if she had caused a scene or wrenched away from him, it would have looked equally suspicious to any seasoned gossipmonger.
The true mistake, she realized, was ever going downstairs in the first place. She should have stayed in the safety and solitude of her bedchambers for as long as it took until the last guest went home.
“Did ye want to marry someone else?” he asked. “Did ye have someone else in mind?”
“No, but I had the choice!” she snapped. “And I had widowhood, which I rather liked until you came and ruined it.”
He edged closer. “I gave ye back yer home, lass. Ye don’t have to leave anymore.
And I will have nay expectations of ye, since this will be a marriage of appearances, just a solution to keep ye safe from society’s barbs.
” He shrugged in a manner that made her heart ache, a casual dismissal of her feelings.
“If ye want to live as ye did before I arrived, ye do that; I won’t stop ye. ”
She stared at him coldly, the enormity of what lay ahead hitting her like a brutal winter wind. He had not changed his mind about any of it. That was why he had not asked her to marry him on his own. After everything they had shared, he wanted a marriage of convenience.
It was history almost repeating, yet instead of her cousin forcing her into a match, she had snared herself. Helped along a little by Colin’s terrace declaration, though he had probably only thought of protecting her virtue and her honor.
“You should not have done it,” she said, her throat tightening. “You have condemned me to a loveless marriage that I never agreed to. You have denied me any opportunity for children or… true affection. You have taken my choice from me.”
“And I am certain it’s better than the alternative,” he replied, almost softly, as his hand came up to touch her face. “Ye’ll get used to it. It won’t be any different from how things were.”
She smacked his hand away and grabbed for the handle of her chamber door as she shot a hard look at him.
Couldn’t he understand that that was not what she wanted to hear?
She didn’t want things to be as they were before, when she was a widow with no hope of finding romantic happiness.
She wanted this marriage to mean something, but she knew she was alone in that belief.
As soon as she married him, she would just be a widow with a husband living.
“Very well, but do not be surprised if the blankets and curtains return to divide this house.” She stepped into her room.
“If this is a marriage of convenience, then I shall do what is convenient. I shall stick to my domain and my locked doors. Indeed, like before you darkened the doorstep of this house, I shall pretend you do not exist at all.”
With that, she slammed the door in his face… and tried very hard not to cry as she soon heard his footsteps retreating.
Jeremy had followed Anna with the intention of smoothing things over and ensuring it did not become a problem later, but even he knew he had only made things worse.
The hurt in her eyes stung the most as he descended the stairs to rejoin a party that he had no interest in continuing, the distant sound of celebrations like a blade to his ears.
Do I deserve nay respect for protecting her? He remained certain that he had done the right thing, and that she might see it eventually, but, for now, it all felt horribly wrong. Not least because he had gone against his own promise to never marry anyone, care for anyone, or be important to anyone.
Still, it couldn’t be undone now, not unless Anna decided to flee in the night.
Even then, he would probably just chase after her and bring her back to keep her safe, even if she didn’t want his protection.
It was much the same as saving Douglas from the fire the first time, despite his protests; only, with her, he would not allow her to rush back into the inferno.
“Is all well?” a familiar, not altogether welcome, voice asked. “You have been gone a long while, in search of that bottle of champagne… and I doubt you will find it upstairs.”
Colin stepped out of the hallway leading to the drawing room, his face showing signs of anxiety. At the same time, the butler emerged from the opposite hallway, saw the two gentlemen, and hurriedly retreated, as if sensing this might lead to an uncomfortable encounter.
Jeremy quickened his descent and strode up to Colin, resisting the urge to grab the man by his collar. “Why did ye do that, eh? Why did ye call out like that? Was it ye that gathered everyone onto the terrace?”
Colin put his hands up in a gesture of seemingly genuine contrition. “The whispering had already begun, Your Grace, and people were gathering of their own accord, trying to see what was happening.” He sipped a nervous breath. “But… I admit, I saw the opportunity.”
“Opportunity?” Jeremy snarled. “To do what?”
Colin gulped. “To bring you together and to ensure Her Grace’s honor remained intact, in one fell swoop.
” He paused, wincing as if anticipating a punch.
“I knew you would never admit that you wanted her for yourself. And I knew she would not admit it either. Nevertheless, I believe you are exactly what the other needs… and that is why I meddled.”
Jeremy took a deep breath and folded his arms behind his back so he wouldn’t be tempted to hit Colin anyway.
“She won’t be happy, Belford… but then, the situation wouldn’t be any better if ye hadn’t intervened.
I dread to think what they would have said about her, whereas I would probably emerge unscathed.
” He laughed bitterly. “I am responsible for putting her in danger like that, so I can’t be too furious with ye. ”
The other man seemed to relax slightly. “You might be surprised about how things turn out. There is affection there, I am convinced of it, so why should you not both be happy?”
“Because I can never be what she wants,” Jeremy replied, suddenly weary to his bones. “I can’t give her anything a husband should… and it will break her eventually.”
As she had said herself, he had condemned her to a loveless marriage, devoid of children or the affection she deserved. He had condemned her to the kind of marriage no woman would be satisfied with, and he could not help but feel like he was no better than his predecessor.