Chapter 25
The chapel was a somewhat soulless, gray place on the far side of the estate where all the weak-hearted Holtons were buried. Jeremy knew; he had wandered through the small cemetery, reading the engravings on the headstones in a futile effort to calm himself.
Ye could say it was all a jest, he reasoned as he wandered the faint dirt path back to the entrance of the chapel. A trick that they’ve all fallen for. Surely, that would be enough to undo any scandal there might be?
He had scoured the scandal sheets himself, every morning since the wedding announcement. There had been excited mentions of the ‘happy, unexpected union,’ but there hadn’t been any allusion to what might or might not have happened beneath the wisteria. Maybe that meant Anna was safe.
The gate to the chapel grounds swung open with a squeal of old hinges, and the butler walked down the neater gravel path to meet him.
“Her Grace will soon be arriving,” Mr. Miller said crisply. “You should probably wait for her inside.”
Jeremy glanced at the chapel doors, then looked back at the swaying canopy of the nearby woods, with a glimpse of green lawns and the manor visible through the trees.
Even out in the fresh air, he suddenly felt like he couldn’t breathe, the sting of phantom smoke in his nostrils, choking his throat.
The guests who had long overstayed their welcome were chattering pleasantly from inside the chapel, yet they might as well have been shouting obnoxiously right into his ears. It was all too overwhelming, and it was all too late.
“Your Grace?” the butler prompted. “You shouldn’t be standing out here when she arrives. I don’t know how they perform weddings in Scotland, but that isn’t how we do it here.”
The mild insult was enough to snap Jeremy out of his thoughts. He flashed an icy look at the butler, and the man at least had the decency to drop his chin to his chest, looking uneasy.
Without a word, Jeremy opened the chapel doors and stepped inside.
He was the one who had put Anna in this situation, so the very least that he could do was be the strong one, putting on a brave face even if the thought of marrying—of marrying her, specifically—terrified him more than he could admit.
Anna gripped her bouquet of beautiful wildflowers so tightly that her knuckles pulsed as she entered the chapel alone. A few of the petals had been chewed by her beloved goats.
‘Their message of luck to you,’ as Katherine had insisted.
Anna tried to focus on the thought of those sweet creatures as she began to walk down the aisle, aware of so many eyes fixed on her.
Some of the ladies who had invaded her home over the past week whispered behind their hands, while the gentlemen gave nods of appreciation.
She even heard one ask if he should offer his arm, which was a very kind gesture.
Without a father, or even a mother, to give her away, Anna had decided to walk by herself. Benedict had written rather angrily, asking why he hadn’t received an invitation to the wedding, but she would rather have walked down the aisle with a feral wolf than allow that wretch to give her away.
As such, she had written back that he was not welcome, and if he set foot on Stonebridge grounds, he would be forcibly removed by Jeremy. After the previous encounter between Jeremy and Benedict, she had hoped that would be enough to keep her cousin away.
He does not seem to be here, she noted with some small satisfaction.
With a nervous breath, she made herself look down the aisle to where her future husband waited.
He was as unfairly handsome as ever, though she couldn’t decide if she preferred the clean-shaven face that he was sporting or the stubble that she had become accustomed to.
Indeed, it appeared he had made a considerable effort, attired in a striking black tailcoat with a velvet collar, a black waistcoat, and a black shirt, which made her wish she had worn her mourning gown.
Yet, his plaid trousers were bright in comparison, bearing the red, white, and black of the McIver tartan.
In truth, he was breathtaking… and the sight of him only made her heart hurt more.
Why did it have to be like this? Why did it have to be a marriage of convenience and protection?
Why couldn’t he have asked her, as a man asks a woman?
Why couldn’t he have at least promised that he would try to love her?
His dark eyes widened as he took her in, the ghost of a smile playing upon his lips as she walked closer.
“Ye look… ethereal, lass,” he said as she extended a hand to him, giving herself away.
She lowered her gaze. “I thought I ought to look the part of the cheerful bride.” Her throat bobbed. “The audience ought to get what they are expecting.”
“Anna…”
“Can we just proceed, please?” she interjected, briefly turning her gaze toward the waiting priest.
The priest gave a nod, and with that, the ceremony began.
The words and vows sounded like a rather unpleasant echo of the first time she had stood in this chapel.
It would have been different if she and Jeremy had come here willingly and eagerly, but the circumstances left a bitter taste in her mouth.
Soon enough, it was all over, the vows recited and the pledges given. Anna couldn’t even remember what she’d said or what Jeremy had said, but apparently it was to the priest’s satisfaction.
“By the power vested in me by the Almighty God, I now pronounce you man and wife, the Duke and Duchess of Stonebridge,” the gray-haired man declared, sealing their fate for good.
Somewhat dazed, Anna didn’t pull away as Jeremy intertwined her hand with his and carefully led her back up the aisle. Her legs trembled badly, a dizziness creeping down her neck, black spots dancing in her vision, forcing her to cling to her husband’s arm so she wouldn’t lose her balance.
My husband… I am Anna Bolt now. Not Bradley. Not Holton. Bolt. Her head pounded as if there were too many names and versions of herself jostling for precedence.
As the chapel doors opened, the fresh air helped a little, taking the fuzzy edge off her dizzy spell. Enough that she was able to stagger to the carriage, at least, where Jeremy gently guided her inside.
The moment the door closed and the horses began to pull away, however, the lightheaded feeling rushed back with a vengeance. Her heart raced wildly in her chest, her lungs struggling for air, her hand rubbing hopelessly at her closing throat, while her other hand ripped her veil from her head.
“Anna?” Jeremy said softly, moving to her side of the squabs. “Anna, ye’re all right. Just breathe.”
His hand took hold of hers, anchoring her.
“I am so sorry, Anna,” he urged, his eyes creased as if in pain. “I am sorry ye had to do that, but I promise faithfully that I will take care of ye. It might not be the marriage ye dreamed ye might have one day, but I swear ye’re safe with me. So, please, just breathe.”
She gripped his hand and scrunched her eyes shut, focusing as hard as she could on the rhythmic rattle of the carriage wheels turning. Like listening to a heartbeat, the sound slowly started to soothe her, the panic subsiding with every rotation until she could breathe properly again.
“I should… be thankful,” she managed to say, letting go of his steadying hand. “I will still be in the home that I love, among the people that I love. That is not nothing. That is more than I could have hoped for.”
Jeremy stayed on her side of the squabs, but he didn’t attempt to reach for her hand again. “I really am sorry, Anna.”
“I know,” she replied, as she turned her gaze toward the window and watched the grounds drift by on the short journey back to the home that she really did cherish. The sanctuary that, although disturbed, remained her own.
Wandering through the drawing room after the wedding breakfast, Anna began to wonder if the house party guests would ever leave.
Some of them were making themselves much more comfortable than she liked, lounging on the armchairs and sofas as if they were in their own homes, ordering servants to fetch this and that as if they were the ones in charge.
They will be gone soon enough, and I will have to adjust once more.
She sighed, trying to decide how feasible it would be to just stay in her rooms indefinitely, using the servants’ stairwell at the end of her hallway whenever she wanted to walk, see the goats, or tend to the gardens. Indeed, she could insist on an entire wing for herself.
“Oh…” she gasped, almost careening into a figure who was equally not looking where they were going.
Beatrice glanced up, her eyes flickering in surprise. “Apologies. I didnae see ye there.”
“That is quite all right. I was in something of a daze myself,” Anna replied with what she hoped was a warm smile. “I did not think you would be attending the festivities. Can I fetch something for you?”
She could have asked one of the servants, but she was desperate for an excuse to leave the ‘celebrations’ for a while. Perhaps for the rest of the evening.
But Beatrice shook her head. “Nay, thank ye. I was just tryin’ to find somethin’ I thought I dropped in here this mornin’. A brooch of mine.” She shook her head. “It doesnae seem to be here, though.”
“Can I help you?”
Beatrice sighed. “Nay, ye cannae.”
She turned as if to leave, giving the impression that she didn’t want to be anywhere near Anna. A not unfamiliar feeling, by now.
Before, Anna had assumed it was because Beatrice was uncomfortable sharing Stonebridge with a remnant of the previous duke, or because she had heard that Anna was not exactly thrilled about being pushed out.
Now that she was technically family, however, Anna couldn’t understand the continued disregard.
“Have I done something to upset you?” Anna asked, her hand reaching out to halt Beatrice. “Is it my behavior with separating the manor into halves? I am sorry for that. You were… not the reason for it.”