Chapter 11
“Will you be joining Her Grace and Miss Tilly for breakfast, Your Grace?” the valet asked.
Laurence was still in bed. He had hardly slept last night.
“No,” he sighed. “Have my breakfast brought up here.”
“Understood,” the valet replied, before closing the door.
The disappointment in his voice wasn’t lost on Laurence. He knew that the staff liked Edith and hoped the pair would get on. Today, though, he knew their hopes would be dashed.
He groaned and pulled the covers over his head.
He had lost control. Even if she had given her full consent, he had pushed their marriage beyond what had been agreed upon.
He growled and threw off the covers to get dressed.
Her taste lingered in his mouth. His body ached, pleading with him to seek her out and have more.
But he would not make the same mistake again.
When he had learned last night that she had never been intimate with a man, his base desires had taken over.
He wasn’t competing with a dead man, and she had never been touched before.
It was a potent release of his jealousy, but it had also opened an insatiable pit of desire within him. One that only she could fill.
But Edith…
She was far too good for him. She deserved someone better than an adulterous man for a first husband, and a beast for a second.
He couldn’t face her today.
He quickly dressed and ordered a footman to ready the carriage.
“Your Grace,” the valet said, walking with him to the front door. “Your breakfast is ready.”
“I have business to attend to. I will be back for dinner,” Laurence growled as he stormed out.
As he stepped into the carriage, he made the mistake of looking back. Edith was looking down at him from one of the upper windows. Even from a distance, he could see something flicker in her eyes that made his heart ache.
He looked away, getting into the carriage before she could make him change his mind.
Edith’s hand shook against the window pane as she watched the carriage pull away.
Why had he left so early in the day? Was I that terrible the night before? Did he really despise what we had done so much that he had no other option but to leave?
A lump formed in her throat, and her eyes stung with unshed tears. She blinked them away before anyone could see her.
Taking a deep breath, she decided to take Tilly with her to Ava’s house for a much-needed escape.
Richmond House was as beautiful as ever. Edith quietly admired the grounds as the carriage pulled into the estate. Tilly was bouncing up and down, talking excitedly, but Edith hardly heard her.
“Tilly!” Anthony cried out, then stood and toddled over to the pair as Ava and Christian watched from the door.
“Edith, it is good to see you,” Ava said warmly.
“Papa has been in his study all day.” Anthony pouted.
“I have had much to do.” Christian chuckled.
“And Mama wanted me to go with Luke to his lessons,” Anthony grumbled.
“It would be good for you to attend,” Ava said. “And I am quite tired today.”
“But it’s boring,” Anthony complained.
“Well, it’s a good thing we’re here now! We can play together!” Tilly gushed.
“Yay!” Anthony beamed.
“Would you both like to go out to the garden?” Ava asked. “Let’s bring our guests into the house first, then you two can go and play.”
Anthony nodded eagerly and started walking ahead, and Tilly hovered around him to make sure he didn’t fall over. Edith couldn’t help but smile at her daughter’s protective instinct toward smaller children.
Just then, Luke peeked down from the top of the stairs.
“Your Grace, it’s lovely to see you,” he greeted.
“And you,” Edith returned. “Tilly and Anthony are going to the garden.”
“Can I join them, Mama?” Luke asked.
“Are your lessons over already?” Ava asked.
“Well…” Luke trailed off.
“Maybe he can have his lessons outside?” Edith suggested.
Ava thought about it and then looked up at Luke. “Go ask your governess if she would give you a break to see your friend or have the lesson outside.”
“Thank you, Mama!” Luke called out, running away to speak to his governess.
“It’s so wonderful to see you, Edith,” Ava said as she led Edith inside.
“It’s wonderful to see you too,” Edith said warmly.
“Come, come, let us sit in the parlor. Then, the children can go and play,” Ava urged.
Once in the parlor, Anthony immediately gravitated to what Edith thought was a large, furry ginger cushion. But when he scooped it up, it was clear it wasn’t a soft cushion, but a cat.
“Pudding is still doing well, then?” Edith asked Christian.
“Oh, more than well.” He laughed. “I dare say he’s become rather plump on tidbits.”
Pudding yawned gently in Anthony’s arms before licking the little boy’s hair, making him giggle.
“Pudding! Stop!” Anthony protested but refused to put the cat down.
“Let me hold him,” Tilly demanded.
“Hey, wait, be careful with him,” Luke cautioned, running into the fray.
Ava laughed and gestured for Edith to follow her to the parlor. Edith smiled and moved to sit with her friend on a cushioned sofa.
Ava let out a soft sigh of relief as she sat down, her pregnancy having progressed since their last reunion.
“You’re doing well, considering your condition,” Edith noted with a warm smile.
“I do not feel it,” Ava groaned.
“Really? You are running the estate, caring for your children, and appearing respectably at public events while in this state. Ava, I frankly envy your stamina,” Edith admitted.
“Oh, I think you are overestimating my abilities. And truly, I couldn’t do any of it without Christian,” Ava said, nodding at her husband, who was currently trying to keep the children from stuffing Pudding into a boot. “The only thing between this estate and chaos is often his patience.”
“Well then, it is good that he seems to have an endless supply of it.” Edith grinned.
“I’ll say.” Ava laughed. “Although I think he is secretly pleased that I have had to turn down the invitation to Lady Elmire’s ball.”
“You won’t be coming?” Edith asked, aghast.
“No, I am not feeling my best to attend an event this week.” Ava smiled weakly.
“Well, I will be forced to suffer through it without you,” Edith groaned.
“Fear not, we will be at Fairfax Estate for their ball next week.”
“I should hope so! There are only so many events I can survive without my friend.”
Ava laughed. “Oh, my dear friend, you never fail to lift my spirits. Now, enough about me. How have things been between you and the Duke of Alderbourne?”
Edith’s shoulders tensed, and her hands fisted into the skirt of her dress.
Ava noticed the change and looked at her with concern. “Edith?”
Edith shook her head. “I wish I could say things were going better.”
“I suspected as much when you came here today,” Ava said gently.
“We didn’t mean to disturb—”
“You and Tilly are always welcome,” Ava assured her. “Never doubt that. I am sure we can even set up chambers for you both to stay in if the Duke of Alderbourne has done something untoward.”
“It’s not that,” Edith groaned, covering her face with her hands.
“What happened then?” Ava pressed, leaning back in her seat to watch her friend.
Edith took a long, deep breath. She didn’t know exactly how much would be appropriate to share with her friend.
“He kissed me,” she whispered.
“Was it wanted and welcome?” Ava asked.
Edith hesitated.
Ava frowned and leaned closer to her. “Edith, if he forced it on you—”
“He didn’t,” Edith blurted. “I did want it. It was welcome. I just…”
“It sounds like your agreement may be reaching the end of its usefulness,” Ava remarked.
“What do you mean?” Edith frowned.
“Well, from my experience, if he kissed you, then he’s interested in you,” Ava said. “And it was welcome, so it is not unfair to say that you are also interested in him.”
“A little,” Edith whispered.
“Well then, you need to tell him,” Ava advised.
“Must I?”
“If you don’t, I fear we will be having this conversation over and over for the rest of your marriage,” Ava drawled. “And I love you as a sister, I truly do, but I can only bear so many repetitions.”
Edith groaned and looked up at the ceiling. “It was so much simpler when it was just a marriage of convenience.”
“Well, yes, but then he kissed you.” Ava chuckled.
“He kissed me at the wedding.”
“Ah, but we were there for that, and I cannot say that it was what one would call passionate.”
Edith’s cheeks pinkened as she remembered Laurence’s kiss. The way his lips had crashed onto hers and his arms held her tight.
And then there is last night…
“Edith,” Ava said, looking at her friend. “You are an incredibly determined and independent young woman. I am not asking you to throw yourself at your husband’s feet. Heaven knows you would never be a meek and subservient wife.”
Edith half-laughed as she listened.
“However,” Ava continued, smirking slightly. “Independence does not require you to abandon your dreams. I know you well enough to know that you’re worried about his feelings as well as your own. However, if you do not tell him that you want more, you will do both of you a disservice.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, if you do not tell him, you will both be forever dancing around the issue and causing no end of grief. Not only that, but you will eventually grow embittered, and he will notice. As will Tilly. It will sour whatever positivity is left in your marriage. Worst of all, Tilly will accept that this type of relationship is normal.”
Edith tensed. She hoped that one day Tilly would be able to marry for love, not for resources, now that she was the daughter of a duke and duchess.
She wasn’t theirs by blood, but the Duke had claimed her as his.
But the idea that Tilly would think it normal to be in a bitter and tempestuous marriage made her anxious.
“I understand you’re still learning how to handle yourself and your situation,” Ava said. “But I know you will get there in the end.”
“You have such belief in me,” Edith mumbled.
“Of course I do.” Ava smiled.
“Look!” Tilly cried out, holding up Pudding.
Edith laughed, seeing that the poor cat now had a bow tied around its neck. “Oh, poor Pudding!”
“I think he looks quite fetching,” Ava snorted. “And truly, I’m not sure he minds.”
As if to demonstrate this, Pudding started purring loudly in Tilly’s arms, who cuddled the cat close and giggled with delight.
Edith smiled, taking a steadying breath, before finally relaxing in her chair.
A week passed, and the Fairfax ball was upon them.
Laurence had been doing his best to avoid Edith, and he was becoming quite skilled at it. Unfortunately, the longer he was away from her, the more his mood soured.
He had begun snapping at servants more than necessary. Work had once again become his refuge, and he spent hours working on reports. If he found that he still had time in the day, he would redo the reports he’d already prepared.
He stood at the foot of the stairs, adjusting his cravat.
The sooner the night was over, the better.
He did not want to be around the ton when he was still feeling shame from the incident with Edith.
They had shared, at most, two sentences since that fateful night.
Every time they came close, she would avert her gaze.
The sound of someone walking down the stairs shook him out of his reverie.
“There you—” He froze.
Edith looked breathtaking as she descended the staircase. Her blonde hair had been twisted up off her shoulders, exposing the slender column of her neck. Her dress was a soft spring green, the fabric draping over her body and accentuating her curves. The overlay was the same one from their wedding.
In the townhouse’s soft candlelight, she looked ethereal, soft, and elegant. He felt his mouth go dry and suppressed the urge to take her into his bedroom.
Barely.
“Apologies for making you wait,” she said as she stopped next to him.
She refused to meet his gaze, and although he longed for her to look at him, he understood why she didn’t.
“It is fine.” He took her arm and led her out to the carriage. “You look…”
Words failed him. He had never seen a more beautiful woman.
“Presentable,” he finished.
He immediately regretted it when she only nodded in response.
Presentable. What an idiotic choice of words.
The air during the carriage ride was stiff with silence as they rolled through the countryside. Edith kept her gaze fixed on the window and her back rigid. Laurence, however, couldn’t take his eyes off her.
Each breath she took made her chest rise and fall. Each blink fluttered her eyelashes over her slightly pink cheeks. Each movement made her dress move and cling to her delicately.
Laurence rubbed his hands over his face, steeped in self-loathing.
Presentable. I might as well have told her she looked tolerable. Or adequate. I should just throw myself from the carriage now and save myself the agony of the rest of the evening.
How would he ever survive the night?