Chapter 6
Everyone woke up late the following morning. Susan had expected that she would be walking into a crowded breakfast room, and she was startled to find that, with the exception of Lady Keethroad, she was the first one out of bed.
“Well, that was a lovely party, wasn't it?” Lady Keethroad asked her by way of greeting. “I certainly hope you enjoyed yourself last night.” Her smile was warm and genuine, but Susan thought she detected something shrewd in the Countess’ eyes—or was that just her own guilty conscience reminding her that she was lying?
“I did enjoy it,” she managed, pasting on a smile. She joined the Countess at the table and helped herself to coffee.
She had expected to feel a sense of relief today—after all, they were going home after this meal. When they’d arrived at Heathmare, this had been the moment she was looking forward to. She had been counting the hours until they could go home.
But something had shifted. She didn’t know quite how to explain it.
It wasn’t that she liked being here, exactly.
In fact, being here had begun to drive her mad.
Every moment spent with the Duke was a reminder of just how much he got under her skin.
He was so arrogant, so sure of himself. And so sure of her!
From the very moment they had met, he had seemed to believe he knew all there was to know about her—and of course, he didn’t know her at all.
But that was who he was, and that was why she was so sure she didn’t want to marry him.
Even if she had fancied the idea of marriage generally, she knew she wouldn’t have wanted it with him.
Maybe it was the fact that he was so much older than she was—though she knew that could have been worse.
For the sake of a title, her father wouldn’t have hesitated to marry her to a man of his own age, or even older.
Maybe she ought to have been grateful that the man he had found for her was at least young enough to make a good dance partner… a good conversation partner…
None of this matters, because I’m not marrying him anyway, she reminded herself.
But in spite of all that, she had enjoyed something about their time together. Yes, it had been filled with constant bickering, but that had turned a bit playful once they’d realized nothing was at stake. It had been like sport, arguing with him. She would miss that, in spite of everything.
The Duke was next to appear at breakfast. He greeted his mother and then took the seat opposite Susan. “I trust you slept well,” he said, smiling at her.
“Very well,” she agreed. “Just as I have every night since I’ve been here, Your Grace. The hospitality in your home is unparalleled.”
“I’m so glad to hear it,” he said. “But I’m surprised you’re up so early, after all the fun of the party last night. I would have expected to be the first to the table.”
“I hope it’s not an unpleasant surprise, finding me here,” she said. And then, because she felt she ought to add something, she gave him what she hoped was a flirtatious wink.
He laughed in surprise and delight, and she thought, that isn’t an act. He really did enjoy that.
She wondered if she was right. Part of the problem with the way they were dealing with everything was that even she couldn’t be completely certain about what was real and what was for show. Had he laughed like that for his aunt’s benefit? Maybe he was just a very convincing actor.
But this is what I’ll miss! These games of chess we seem to have with one another in every conversation.
He wouldn’t make a good husband for me, nor would I be the wife he’s hoping for, but I enjoy spending time with him in small doses.
It will be unfortunate to have to say farewell to all of this—to him.
“Not unpleasant at all,” he assured her. “I could never be disappointed at walking into a room to find you within it, Lady Susan. You light up every room you enter.”
Lady Keethroad opened her mouth as if to comment on that, but she was cut off by the arrival of Marina, who yawned and stretched as she made her way to an open seat.
“What a marvelous night that was! You two looked so happy. Thank you for hosting the party, Your Grace, I don’t know when I’ve had more fun. ”
“Perhaps at the last ball you attended?” the Duke suggested with a smile.
“Oh, no, this one was special,” Marina assured him. “My sister is going to be married! I never expected to feel so cheerful about it all, or… forgive me, Your Grace.” She blushed.
“Say what you like,” he said, his smile not fading.
“Well, it’s just that I didn’t imagine I would like you as much as I do,” she said. “But getting to know you has been lovely, and I can see that you’re going to be a perfect match for Susan. I can’t imagine anyone better suited to her.”
If only she knew! But Susan knew that she wouldn’t tell her sister the truth.
At the very least, Marina would have to be married before Susan would come clean about any of what had happened here.
She needed to be sure that the plan had been effective.
If she didn’t know that, this might all be for nothing.
So she resumed eating her breakfast, looking up every few minutes to toss coy smiles at the Duke or to catch the ones he was sending in her direction, and she allowed her sister to speculate about her perfect match without saying another word.
By the time breakfast was over, their things had been carried outside and loaded into their carriage. Father, who hadn’t come down until about half an hour ago, was anxious that they should depart at once. “After all, he said, “it looks like it’s going to rain.”
It didn’t look like it was going to rain at all, not in Susan’s estimation. It was true that there were clouds in the sky, but they were wispy and white, not the sort of heavy storm clouds that would have reasonably prompted a comment like her father’s.
“He just wants to go so that we can start talking about the Duke behind his back,” Marina murmured into Susan’s ear.
Susan chuckled. “I’m sure you’re right about that.”
“Well, for once Father and I are of one mind. I can’t wait to get home so that you can tell me all about him!
I want to know what it was like to dance with him, and what kinds of things he said to you when the two of you walked alone in the garden…
” Marina sighed dreamily. “Isn’t it wonderful to be in love, Susan?
I’m so glad it’s happening for both of us at the same time!
There’s nobody else I would want to share this experience with! ”
Susan cast a look at her.
Marina’s cheeks went pink. “I know, I know,” she said. “I know you’re not ready to say love.”
But Susan was beginning to realize that her sister was going to keep bringing that word up, that Marina would continue to try to provoke her into confessing that she felt such a thing.
That was the real gossip Marina wanted. She wasn’t trying to find out what they’d talked about in the garden.
She wanted the innermost secrets of Susan’s heart.
Of course she does. We’re sisters. I want her to tell me that sort of thing about herself as well.
I want to know everything about her, and she wants to know everything about me.
Her heart ached ever so slightly. Of course, her sister wanted this to be a moment where the two of them could relate to one another more and get to know each other a little better.
By rights, it should have been that kind of moment.
But it wasn’t going to be, because none of it was real.
For the first time, Susan felt guilty for misleading Marina, even though she was doing all this for her sister’s benefit. For the first time, she recognized that Marina stood to lose something, and that she might be disappointed when the truth came out.
But she couldn’t allow herself to get caught up in thinking that way. What mattered right now was maintaining the illusion until they were able to get away from the house and on the road toward home.
The Duke stepped forward and bowed to Father.
“It was a pleasure to meet you, Lord Crownway,” he said.
“And to meet your lovely daughters—Lady Susan especially.” He turned to Susan and bowed to her as well.
“Lady Susan, you are charming and lovely, and I know you’ll be a remarkable duchess. I look forward to our next meeting.”
“As do I,” Susan agreed. “And thank you for your hospitality, Your Grace.”
“You two won’t have long to wait to see one another again,” Father said.
He wasn’t rubbing his hands together with anticipation, but if Susan hadn’t been looking right at him, she would have guessed by his delighted tone that he was doing that.
“The wedding will no doubt happen very soon—as soon as we’re able to make the arrangements. ”
Susan wondered how he’d react when the Duke told her he wanted to take his time.
They had decided that the information would be better coming from him.
After all, if she told him she wanted to wait before marrying, he would take it as just another instance of her trying to prolong the inevitable.
When the Duke said it, though, he would recognize that he had to indulge the request or risk losing the arrangement altogether. He wouldn’t want that to happen.
For now, though, neither she nor the Duke mentioned a change in their plans. They simply bid one another farewell.
And for a moment, Susan thought perhaps she saw something unexpected in the Duke’s expression.
There was a small smile on his face, which might have meant anything, but was there also something wistful in his eyes?
Was it possible he was going to miss their few short days together as much as she was?
No. Preposterous. I’m just being sentimental, and that’s something His Grace would never do. He’s amused by our situation. That’s all that is.
She turned away from him and made her way toward the carriage.
A footman handed her up, and she settled into her seat, looking out the far window at the road instead of back at Heathmare Manor.
She would allow herself to think back on the time spent here once she arrived home, and then she would reflect on what it had all meant to her.
But what she wasn’t going to do was allow the Duke to catch her looking out the window at him.
She couldn’t let him misinterpret the situation and think she was wishing she had been able to marry him after all.
I have to keep my dignity intact. I have to keep my pride. It’s fine that he doesn’t want to marry me, but what he said about me being worthy of marriage anyway—I don’t know why, but I need him to go on thinking that. To believe I am worthy even if he doesn’t want me.
The thought annoyed her. She had never longed for a gentleman’s approval before. Why on earth should she need it now?
And why should she need it from him—the most difficult, most maddening man she had ever met in her life?