CHAPTER 38
He strode through the entrance hall of his home with Josephine in his arms, calling orders to prepare her a bath and bring food and drink to his room.
His mother appeared from the bowels of the house, but he didn’t stop to chat.
“Everything is well, Mother. Josephine is tired after her ordeal. She needs a bath and a good night’s rest.”
The duchess merely smirked and nodded. “Welcome home, Josephine.”
“Thank you, Your Grace,” Josephine said, hiding her flaming face in his chest as he climbed the stairs still holding her in his arms.
“What must your mother think,” she whispered.
“My mother will probably correctly infer what we are about to do.”
“This is so embarrassing. Maybe you should have taken me to my home. I had forgotten your mother was here.”
“Not a chance, Josie. After what happened… I need to have you near. For my peace of mind.”
He marched into his bedchamber and deposited her in the bed.
She looked around his room, settling into the bed and tucking in her bare feet under his coat that she still wore.
She appeared relaxed while taking in this intimate space.
She had never been in his room. All their encounters had transpired in her room or somewhere else.
But this room was his inner habitat. His domain.
It gave him primal satisfaction to have her here, in his room, wearing something of his.
Sounds from the next room indicated the preparations for her bath were well underway.
Making good on his promise to pamper her, he helped her with the bath himself, during which he cataloged every cut and bruise and harm done to her porcelain skin while murderous rage coursed through him at every little sign of violence.
He wished he had killed the bastard himself.
He had been so close, he could have put his hands over his throat and choked the lowlife into oblivion.
But no. Even as he recognized his need for revenge, he understood that hers was greater.
She had been shocked, yes. Taking a life, no matter how undeserving of living, was always hard.
But there was a strength in her now. A newfound boldness that came from defending herself and prevailing.
He wouldn’t want to take that away from her.
After patting her dry and carrying her back to the bed wrapped in the soft towel, he fell back on the soft mattress, pulling her on top. Lying passively under her, he waited for her command. For her pleasure.
“Do you want to restrain me? Tell me what you want, what you need.”
Her touch on his face was tender, but her eyes were fierce with determination.
“Not tonight. Tonight I conquer my fears. Do as you please. I trust you.”
Saying that, she wrapped her legs around his and rolled over, pulling him on top of her. He came with alacrity, settling in the heaven between her parted thighs.
“Are you sure?” he asked in between dotting kisses along her forehead, her cheek, the corner of her mouth.
“Completely. When I confronted and vanquished him, when I prevented him from killing you, I… reclaimed my power. My confidence. I know I’m not a victim anymore.
That I’m truly free. And your willingness to submit to me, to be patient and understanding while I dealt with my demons, proved that I can trust you. ”
He kissed her tenderly, deepening the kiss by slow degrees. Searching her mouth, communicating. Reassuring her. Reassuring himself. Did he dare tell her? Would she think less of him if he confessed…
In the end, he knew he had to. Because he wanted a life with her. But she still had doubts, and before making a decision, she deserved to know everything about him.
“About my submission,” he started, his voice raw. “It wasn’t a sacrifice. I did it for you. But I found more enjoyment in it than I probably should have.”
Her puzzled frown spoke of her confusion. “How could you enjoy that? How could anyone? I thought you were bearing it for my sake.”
If she was to understand, he would have to bare his soul.
“I loved being restrained. Having you be in control. Giving me orders. Forcing me to obey.”
“But why?”
How to explain? How could he put into words something he was just beginning to understand himself?
“I’ve always carried a lot of responsibility.
First as an officer and now as a duke; I have to be in control.
To command. To make decisions… and live with the consequences of those decisions.
It’s a heavy burden to carry. I shoulder it because it’s my duty.
But when you took the power from me, when my only option was to submit, when I had to think of nothing but obeying you, it felt so liberating.
Add to that the feeling of being used for your pleasure, of pleasing you… God, it makes me so hard.”
“So all those times when I placed restraints on you, when I told you what you could and couldn’t do…”
“It was glorious. The best sex I’ve had in my life. Do you think you can bear it? To take control and command me sometimes?” He was naked and vulnerable in front of her. Never in his life more exposed. If she rejected him…
A small smile played around her lips. “Since you are being honest and confessing, I think I should do the same.”
He held his breath. Waiting. Hoping.
“I enjoyed it too.” It came out in a breathy exhale that restarted his heart.
“I felt guilty about it afterward because I thought I was taking advantage of you, doing to you what was done to me.” She scrunched her eyes and gave a little shake of her head.
“God, I hate being tied. Being so helpless. But the feeling of being in control, of commanding all your might, all your power and strength? It made me feel invincible. It was such a rush that my fears receded and my pleasure soared.”
His smile was so wide his cheeks ached. But his heart sang with joy. “We are in agreement, then. Another of the many ways we are perfect for each other.”
Her smile dimmed a little and his heart twinged. They had conquered a big hurdle. Had she also vanquished the absurd idea that she was not a worthy duchess for him? They were both in agreement. They were together. Right?
“Will you stay with me forever, then? Will you be my duchess, my wife, my mistress, my love, my everything?”
“Michael…” Her eyes gazed up at him, unsure. But there was something else also dawning in the blue depths. Something like hope. And…yearning?
He pressed his advantage. “Say yes. Please. Conquer the last barrier between us. Put me out of my misery.”
The conflict between her head and her heart reflected in her eyes. He held his breath as he awaited her response.
“Yes,” she said finally. Her voice was soft but threaded with certainty. “If you are sure that’s what you want. That you would never regret…”
He closed her mouth with a kiss. The only word that mattered was her yes. After that, everything was superfluous. There were no ifs. No doubts in his mind. His heart was hers. Had been hers forever. His devotion was unconditional.
Undying.