Chapter 5
Five
Thalia wasn’t certain what she was expecting on the day following the Winthrope Ball. She knew it was a day that would come to define her, but she was still uncertain which way fate would lead.
Is the duke going to do the honorable thing and present himself with the intention of marriage? Or is he going to do what many might say is the smart thing, refuse me and denounce the entire scandal as not being his fault.
Most strangely, Thalia could not say which one she wanted.
Yes, marriage was necessary and needed and she knew deep within her conscience that this was the only outcome she could accept.
But then she would remember the duke, how he had made her feel, how scary he was and intimidating and…
and… and powerful, such that when she thought about him a coldness ran up her spine.
When that feeling took her, she could not help but wonder if perhaps the duke denouncing her entirely would not be the worst of outcomes.
Nonetheless, when she heard her aunt’s footsteps hurrying down the hall toward her bedroom where she sat waiting, she knew the time for curiosity had passed. Someone had arrived at her aunt’s townhouse just now, and there was no need to guess to what it pertained.
“Thalia!” her aunt stumbled into the room.
Thalia was nursing Olivia on her lap, by the window and in the warmth of the sun. The little girl was snoozing peacefully, a smile on her face that told of a life without worries or hardships. If only I could relate…
“Yes?” she asked her aunt innocently, as if she had no idea what the cause of her aunt’s delirium might be.
Her aunt’s eyes widened at her. “What are you doing—why aren’t you dressed?”
Thalia frowned and looked down at her outfit, a simple gray dress that wouldn’t look out of place on one of the maids. Thalia had never cared much for dressing up, and she wasn’t about to change that now. “Dressed how?”
“Something better than that!” Thalia swept into the room and went for the wardrobe, throwing it open as if she meant to start pulling outfits from inside. But then she froze, turned about quickly while biting into her lower lip as her eyes grew ever wider with panic.
“There isn’t time…” Or is there? She half moved to cross the room but halted. “No, we can’t make him wait. I don’t think he would like that.”
“He?” Thalia felt her blood turn cold.
“But to present yourself as you are…” She shook her head as if the idea literally terrified her. “Although I suppose it won’t make much difference. All things considered.”
“Aunt Isadora!” Thalia hissed, doing her best to keep her voice low because she did not wish to wake Olivia who was now starting to stir. “He? Who is he?”
“Who do you think!”
A lump appeared in Thalia’s throat, and she swallowed it back with some difficulty. “His Grace…” Another lump. Again, she was forced to swallow it. “He’s here?”
“Arrived just now, Thalia. And he does not look happy.”
“Does he ever?”
Her aunt’s face paled. “This isn’t funny, Thalia!
The look he gave me when he asked to see you…
” She shuddered from head to toe. “That he is here is a good sign, and likely what we were both expecting. Only…” She bit further into her lower lip.
“The Duke of Westvale, Thalia. You know enough about him to know…” Another shudder.
“Know what?”
“How dangerous this is. Nothing good will come from this marriage, even if you think it is necessary.”
“I do not think anything.” Holding Olivia tight into her body, Thalia stood from beside the window and went to her aunt. “But I know for a fact that it is necessary. And if not for my sake, for this one’s…”
She gestured to her daughter, then kissed her softly on the forehead.
That made Olivia smile as she continued to sleep, a sight which managed to fortify Thalia’s resolve and beat back her fear.
“She deserves the world and as things stand, His Grace is the only one who might be able to give it to her.”
“You’re right,” her aunt conceded, not sounding happy about it. “You are right.”
“I often am. Now, if you don’t mind…” She held Olivia out for her aunt to take.
“And tell me, how do I look?” Still half-asleep Olivia reached her arms out and wrapped them around Thalia’s aunt’s neck, suppressing a yawn as she snuggled herself into her new carer.
Free of her daughter now, Thalia stepped back, arms out as if to show off the very plain dress that she was wearing.
“Is that a serious question?” Her aunt held Olivia in her arms, but her expression as she looked the dress over was one of stern contempt.
“Too late now,” Thalia said with a shrug.
Too late for a lot of things. I made my bed and now I must lie in it. Even if the bed is filled with thorns and the sheets are made of fire.
She wanted this. She needed it. Not for her, but for Olivia, and that was all that mattered.
A mantra that Thalia repeated in her head as she left her aunt and daughter behind, determined to meet with fate and confirm once and for all if this was the smartest thing she had ever done, or the most stupid.
In all likelihood, it would be both.
Thalia found the duke waiting for her in the sitting room. And when she saw him for the first time, she faltered, her mouth dropping open in a way that she should have expected but for which she was still unprepared.
He was standing by the main window, his back to her as he looked outside onto what was a modestly sized garden.
The day was a sunny one, and the light flooded the room so all was bright beneath its shine…
all but the duke, that is. Despite standing in direct sunlight, he somehow still managed to appear as if cloaked in shadow.
As if his very being absorbed and smothered any light that dared to touch him.
Dressed in black. Even bigger than she remembered. His back was broad, his shoulders hulking, his presence demanding attention while at the same time warning off any who might dare to give it. The room almost seemed to shrink around him. Thalia, one foot through the doorway, found herself shaking.
She must have made a noise because the duke stiffened suddenly, tilted his head, and then turned to find her there staring at him.
Nothing was said at first. His expression was devoid of emotion, but his eyes wore a snarl behind them. And the scar on his face… Thalia could not look away. In all her life she could not remember ever seeing someone so darn terrifying.
“Miss Carstone,” he spoke eventually, his voice a deep growl that she felt in the pit of her stomach. “Thank you for seeing me.”
“I…” She forced herself to breathe and straighten, refusing to be intimidated or give the appearance that she was. “Of course, Your Grace. I was expecting you.” With that she walked into the room.
“You were?”
“Perhaps the circumstance was unclear, but I assumed that after last night…” She offered an apologetic smile as she came to a stop still ten feet away from him, not daring to get too close. “I felt that you and I might need to speak of what happened.”
“Nothing happened,” he said with a grumble, sounding angered at the notion. “You fell and I caught you, as any decent man would have done, were he in the same position.”
She winced with guilt, quick to smother the look on her face because she could not let him know the truth. If he is angry now… I can’t imagine what he would say about that particular transgression.
“Nonetheless,” she said with a resigned sigh and a shake of the head. “What happened is not what matters. What people believe happened is what will be spoken of. And that, I assume, is why you are here.”
His lips curled into a snarl and she saw a flash of anger pass behind his eyes.
Not at her, but the situation itself. No doubt he did not want to be here.
He had been forced to come because, despite what people said of the man, he was still a duke of the ton.
He was honor bound, for better or for worse.
“I have thought long and hard about our circumstance,” he began, forcing back the snarl, but not the growl in his voice.
“And it is clear to me that should these rumors go unaddressed, they will only get worse. People will assume that you and I…” He clenched his jaw in frustration.
“Our names will be dragged through the mud.”
“I had considered such things.”
“I do not care what people say of me,” he said next. “That ship sailed a long time ago and one more rumor will not make a difference. But your name, Miss. Carstone, that is what matters. And I will not have your reputation ruined because of something that I did.”
“Oh…” She blinked as if surprised. “What are you suggesting?”
He shut his eyes and took a deep breath as if what he was about to say brought him pain.
“I propose that you and I marry. And quickly—the sooner the better—as that is the only way to shut down what is being said about us before it is too late. It will not solve everything, of course. People will still talk. But let them, as all they will be doing is gossiping about a husband and wife who were once caught together mere weeks before being wed.”
Thalia had to stop herself from smiling.
Just as she had to force herself to look surprised, as if this wasn’t exactly what she had hoped for and needed.
Nonetheless, a wave of relief washed over her, and even in the face of the duke’s indomitable and dark presence, she could not help but exhale as if a great weight was falling from her shoulders.
“A marriage?” she squawked, playing her role as she needed. “You… you cannot be serious?”
“I would not joke about such things,” he said.
“Something tells me that you are not one to joke about much of anything,” she said before she could help herself. His brow furrowed and her eyes widened. “I’m sorry. I did not mean…”
“I understand this is an unfortunate circumstance,” he growled. “And I would not blame you if you needed to think about it. No doubt when you pictured married life, it was to someone a little more…” He grimaced. “Not me.”
She saw it then. It was subtle. And she might have missed it were she not looking into his eyes. But there was a hint of sadness to his words; a trepidation and even worry that she would deny him. He looked terrified, even, that the thought of marrying one like him would be beneath her.
And, after all this time, I thought I was the one who should have been afraid…
“Not at all,” she said, softening her voice and the look in her eyes. “I…” She felt a touch of a smile reaching her lips. “That is not it. I am simply surprised, is all. I did not think you would be so quick to offer something like this.”
“I have no choice.”
“You do,” she said, not knowing why she was making the point. “You can do nothing. Go back to your manor. Leave me to my fate.”
“Do you want such a thing?”
“No, I don’t.”
That hint of a smile was quickly suffocated and replaced with a scowl. “That settles it then. It is to be a marriage.”
Although she still wished to look a little reserved to convey that she did not want to jump into it too quickly through desperation, Thalia very nearly agreed. However, before she got the chance, a thought came to mind—one that was so obvious she could not believe she hadn’t considered it sooner.
She hesitated for a moment, wondering if she dare not tell him. She waited until the very last moment so that he had no choice but to accept her regardless. But she had already lied to him once, and she could not do it again.
As strange as it sounds, he deserves better than that…
“There is one thing you must know,” Thalia said, her voice cracking.
“I am sure there are many things.”
“No…” She winced and looked away. “If you are to marry me, it is only right that I tell you. You see, the thing is, I…” She found her legs trembling. “I am not alone.”
The duke’s frown deepened. “What does that mean?”
She forced herself to look at him, wishing she had not because those green eyes of his were both startingly beautiful and terrifying all at once.
“I have a daughter—but it is not what you think,” she added quickly.
“She is not mine… well, she is. At least, I think of her as my own. But she is not… technically. She is not of my blood, but I am raising her as if she is my daughter. She is my daughter, now,” she said firmly.
“And where I go, she goes.” She firmed herself, staring the duke down as if daring him to reject her.
It felt strange to admit such things to the duke, especially considering that even her own aunt did not know the whole truth.
As far as most people were concerned, Olivia was Thalia’s daughter through birth.
Her father was a commoner who left when she was born, and forced Thalia to raise her as a single mother.
It was a truth that Thalia was happy to perpetuate, needing people to believe it because she wanted the best for Olivia.
However, as she had just told the duke, Olivia was not technically her daughter. Not in the legal sense, anyhow. He was now the only other person who knew this, and Thalia held her breath as she waited for his answer.
He studied her closely. No words said. Each second which passed feeling like a minute. Her legs were still shaking. Sweat began to bead on her forehead. Her stomach twisted. Her heart thumped. It wasn’t enough that he might turn her down, but what if he told others? What if…
“As you say,” he said finally. “I wonder if she is as interesting as her guardian. Somehow, I very much doubt it.” With those final words, the duke stormed across the room, heading straight for Thalia.
Her eyes widened and her body seized. It was like a mountain bearing down on a small hill; a shadow growing so dark it smothered the world and all that was in it…
But then, he was past her, heading for the door. When he reached it, he turned back and looked at her a final time. “I will have the arrangements made at once. When they are, I will send for you.” And then, he was gone.
Thalia didn’t even realize that she was holding her breath until the duke left and she gasped in fresh air, breathing deeply, body trembling as the room turned around her. She stumbled to a nearby chair and fell into it, more deep breaths as she reckoned with all that had happened.
It was good news. Exactly what she had wanted and needed. She should have been thrilled, dancing on the spot and crying out for joy. And yet, she simply could not bring herself to such levels of reverie.
Despite everything, there was that burrowing feeling deep within that it was not the duke who had been ensnared and then trapped by her own wicked machinations, but the other way around. And when he found out… another cold shudder struck Thalia at her very core.