Chapter 27 #3
“Ronan… if you think that you are your father, I have some good news for you. Nothing I have seen or experienced is anything like the man you described. You are not him.”
“Because I won’t let him out,” Ronan said.
“But he is there—how else can you explain what I did? That I killed my own blood and didn’t shed a single tear.
” He could feel the tears now, dripping down his cheek.
“The only person I ever loved left me. The other person, he who should have loved me, I killed. What does that say about me? What kind of person does that make me?”
And there it was. The confession.
It was a darkness that had lived inside Ronan his entire life.
The monster which lurked constantly, always threatening to come out.
Ronan refused to give it that chance, terrified of what would happen if he ever gave in to his emotions.
Better that he locked himself away and refused love so that those he cared for wouldn’t be hurt.
And now that he had someone to care for, someone to love, he was terrified of what would happen to them. All he wanted to do was protect and keep Thalia and Olivia safe. But could he do such a thing? Or would he end up hurting them?
“I know you think you are a monster,” Thalia said carefully and slowly.
“I am.”
“You think you are, Ronan…” She still held him by the shoulder, and the look she had in her eyes was one of pain and sadness. “But as I said, nothing I have seen—”
“You do not know the real me.”
“I do,” she said rightly. “I have seen the real you—the side of yourself that you refuse to show. You think that a monster lives inside of you? You think that is what you are hiding from?” She shook her head.
“As I see it, nothing could be further from the truth. You are kind and gentle and caring. You took me in, and Olivia, looking after us and protecting us—”
“Because I had no choice.”
“Is that what you think?”
“It is the truth.”
She smiled softly as she looked down at him. “Maybe that is true. Maybe it isn’t. But you fought so hard to keep me at a distance. You might have failed miserably, but you did it to try and keep me safe.”
He winced. “That’s all I ever wanted.”
“And when you heard that I was sick, you came here, because deep down you are a good man. That is the Ronan who I know. That is the Ronan who…” Her smile grew and he felt it strike him in the chest. “That is the Ronan who I fell in love with.”
Ronan wanted to believe her. He was desperate to. But for so long, he had thought about himself in one way, and to change that now, and so suddenly? And without real cause? He wasn’t sure that he could.
I should not have come here. I should not have put Thalia in this position. Trying to do the right thing, and inevitably hurting those I love. That is why I am a monster.
“You think you love me—”
“I do.”
“You don’t know what that means,” he pressed on her desperately.
Still, she smiled. And then her eyes flicked over his shoulder and her smile grew. “You think you are this monster, is that right? You think you are evil and wicked? Well, I know one person who might take umbrage with that characterization…”
“What? Who…” He leaned back in confusion, not sure what she was saying. That was until he heard it.
“You’re awake!” Footsteps raced across the bedroom, followed by a body that threw itself at Thalia. “You’re awake!”
“Careful!” Thalia laughed as she pulled Olivia into her arms.
Oliva beamed and showered kisses on Thalia. And once she had, she turned and found Ronan on his knees. Olivia frowned. “Why are you crying?”
Ronan hesitated. “I…”
“Is it because you are happy?” she asked innocently.
Ronan grimaced. “It is not that easy to—”
“You should be happy!” Olivia cried and then, without warning, threw herself at Ronan with such force that when he caught her, he fell backwards and landed hard on his back.
But his arms wrapped around the little girl, she giggled the whole while, and she started to shower him in kisses as she had her mother.
“Be happy! Be happy!” she giggled as she continued to kiss him.
And Ronan, unable to hang onto the morose cloud that sat above his head and seemed to follow him everywhere he went, broke into a bout of joyous laughter that he felt wrap his heart so that it swelled to a point of breaking.
His arms held onto Olivia. He continued to laugh like he never had before. Olivia squirmed and pretended to try and pull free, only to give in and fall into him again.
And there they stayed, rolling on the ground, laughing together as if they had both just heard the funniest joke in the world.
Thalia watched them both, smiling. “I don’t see a monster,” she said. “And truth be told, I don’t think you do either.”
“A monster? Where?” Olivia looked about eagerly.
Ronan, still holding her to his body, found his wife’s knowing eyes.
They shared a smile, and he knew how foolish he had been.
All his life, Ronan thought that a monster lived inside him, refusing to entertain that what was there instead was a big heart, and a man who wanted nothing more than to feel the love he had for so long been denied.
“Nowhere,” Ronan said as he sat himself up, rising to his feet, lifting Olivia with him as he did. “Sorry to say, Olivia, but there’s no monster here. Not anymore.”
He beamed and reached for Thalia’s hand.
She took it, beaming back. And there he stood, holding his wife by one hand, her daughter in his other arm, and the sun shining upon them as the new day began.
And not just a new day, but a new life. One that Ronan now realized he not only deserved but wanted more than anything.
He was the ‘wicked duke’ no more.