Chapter Twenty-two
By the end of the first week of her riding lessons with Tobias, Grace was ready to take a short ride with him outside of the training area and into parts of the Glanmore estate she had yet to visit.
It had been seven days since she had confessed what her husband had done.
Tobias had asked if she would mind if he shared the story with his brothers, and while she would have preferred no one to know that she had been married to a murdering devil, it was better for the truth to come out now than at a later date.
In the days following her confession, her nerves had been stretched tight.
She’d been constantly on edge, watching and waiting for any hardening in the family’s behaviour towards her, but, if anything, they were more welcoming, more friendly.
Two days after her conversation with Tobias, she had closed her bedroom doors, sunk onto the opulent bed and cried, the relief of months – no, years – of worry pouring out of her.
Sarah had found her curled up into a ball and sent Grace’s excuses for the evening meal.
Wrapping Grace in blankets, with copious cups of warm chocolate and a plate of cakes she brought up from the kitchens, she had made Grace take time for herself, to remember the posthumous promise to Clare that she would enjoy life to the full going forward.
The following morning, when she woke up, Grace set about doing just that.
She laughed with the Dashworth women, chatted scandal and dresses with Mrs Jacobs and some of the other guests, and played with her niece as often as she could, loving the way the little girl turned to her more and more frequently.
Together they had released Benedict the bird back into the garden, and her heart had sung as his small wings had taken flight.
But the highlight of every day were these quiet hours, before the rest of the household awoke, when Tobias taught her how to ride.
Away from the hustle and bustle of the house, he smiled more readily, the creases around his eyes quickly becoming her favourite thing.
He walked alongside Daisy, leading her around the ring and she enjoyed the way his wide shoulders moved, the latent power hidden beneath his exquisitely tailored clothes.
The weather was in their favour, warm even in the early morning. The sun rose and the light glinted off his dark hair, enticing her to run her fingers through it, although she never did. He was funny too, surprisingly so given how stern he had appeared to her at first.
On the morning of their agreed, more adventurous ride, she arrived at the stables to find him outside already, standing between the two horses, which were saddled and ready to go.
‘Is it wise to stand between Montagu and his lady love?’ she asked, always delighted to tease Tobias about the supposed relationship between these two animals. As they did whenever she brought it up, the tips of Tobias’ ears turned pink.
‘Montagu is able to cope with this degree of separation. Besides, he is clever and knows he is about to take a stroll with her. No doubt he has some sweet, seductive words to whisper in her ear when our backs are turned.’
Grace reached up and stroked Daisy’s long nose. ‘I do hope she holds out for a proposal of marriage. I should hate it if he did not make an honest woman of her.’
Tobias grinned, that deep smile that she had only seen when he was in her company and her heart squeezed painfully. When he looked at her like that, all other thoughts, other than how handsome he was, left her mind.
‘I have no doubt that his love for her is noble,’ said Tobias.
As he stepped closer to help her into the saddle, she caught the delicious scent of him and wished she had another excuse to bury her face in his chest. She wondered if there was a way she could ask him where he got his cologne from so that she could buy some for herself.
She could pour some onto a handkerchief and inhale it deeply at her leisure, although it might not smell the same when it wasn’t on his skin, so it probably wasn’t worth the humiliation.
‘Are you ready?’ he asked.
‘I am,’ she said, holding her arms slightly higher for him to grip her waist. Riding Daisy was nowhere near as scary as she had believed it might be, but the best part of each ride was Tobias lifting her effortlessly into the saddle.
In those fleeting seconds where he held her close, she could imagine what it must be like to be his.
Sometimes, she would let herself fantasise about a world in which she had met him through Sebastian, that her awful marriage had never taken place and that none of the terrible things that had happened had occurred.
They might have danced and laughed, and a very different future may have unfolded.
But she didn’t allow herself to think of it for long.
The reality was not that. She would enjoy this brief summer idyll and then move on.
From the edge of a ballroom, she would watch Tobias find a suitable bride.
She would smile at his wedding and be glad at the birth of his children, because he deserved to be happy, deserved children to be like brothers and sisters to Charlotte.
Occasionally, Grace allowed herself to picture being Tobias’ wife, imagining his dark hair on the pillow next to hers, or grey at his temples as they aged together.
But she shut down these thoughts quicker than anything else.
If she could get past her antipathy to marriage, she still would not do that to Tobias.
She would not rob him of the opportunity to have his own children.
If ten years of marriage had taught her one thing, it was that she was not able to have children of her own.
A relief at the time, a tragedy now. Life had taught her not to dwell on negative things.
To do so would have seen her sunk a long time ago.
‘What are you thinking about?’ asked Tobias, his hands settling on her waist. ‘You look as if you are contemplating all the world’s problems.’
She would never tell him the truth; he would run a mile.
‘I am worried that given a sense of freedom, Daisy will run free and ride off with me clinging to her back.’ Grace wasn’t really concerned about this at all.
Daisy was possibly the least wild animal in existence.
Grace could quite understand why Montagu was devoted to her.
But saying this was better than rambling on about cologne and not being able to have children.
His fingers tightened on her hip. This close, Grace could see Tobias’ pulse beating under the soft skin of his neck. She wanted to reach up and touch it, wondering if it would speed up if she did or if he would drop his hold and step back horrified.
‘If you are scared, we do not have to do this,’ he told her. ‘We can go back to the house or you can spend another day on the training ground.’
His lips were so close to hers. Did he realise? They were full and soft and all she would have to do was stand on her tiptoes to reach them.
‘Grace,’ he said, frowning down at her, completely misreading her slowness. ‘Should we go back to the house, or just stay in the training ring again?’
‘No. Ignore me. I am talking moonshine. I am more than ready to take Daisy out for a ride.’
He stayed looking down at her, his gaze searching her face. She hoped her thoughts were not as easy to read as he had once claimed.
‘If you are sure,’ he said.
‘I am.’ She nodded to emphasise her point.
He was lifting her then, the familiar weightlessness, the sense that she was as light as air, over as quickly as it had begun. Her seat creaked as she made herself comfortable, Daisy standing still beneath her.
‘I do not think you will have to do very much,’ said Tobias, vaulting easily into his own saddle. ‘She will follow Montagu.’ He nudged his horse into motion and sure enough, Daisy began to move too.
Grace remained quiet as they navigated their way out of the yard and onto a wide, open field, but there was no need to worry. Daisy’s movement was steady and controlled and Grace had to do little except stay on.
‘Where are we going?’ she asked, when she was confident she was not going to fall off.
‘I thought we would visit the lake. Have you been there yet?’
‘Not yet.’
‘Sebastian and I used to swim there when we were children. In my mind, we went daily, although I find it hard to believe the weather was truly as good as I remember.’
‘Do you swim well?’ Asking him reminded her of his wet shirt after his dip in the Serpentine, the material clinging to his chest, outlining the dips and rises, and for a moment, she lost her train of thought.
‘Well enough. I liked being in the water. Sebastian was great at inventing games and we were never bored. But I enjoyed it by myself as well. When I was in the water, my father could not lecture me. I did not have to learn to be the next duke. I was just Tobias.’ He paused, as he nudged Montagu around a fallen log, Daisy following suit.
He waited until she was walking next to him again, to say, ‘On the day that we met, I was trying to recreate the sense of calm I got from being in the water.’
‘And I ruined it for you.’
‘Well, I certainly was not calm afterwards.’ He smiled across at her and she laughed.
‘I thought you very high in the instep,’ she said, her words flying out of her mouth before she had given them too much thought.
It was a relief when he flung back his head and laughed. A flock of birds, startled at the sound, took to the sky in a wave of angry shrieks. ‘I have not been called that to my face before.’
‘I am sure I am not the first person who has thought it,’ she said, pushing her luck in how far she could tease him.
Fortunately, he kept smiling. ‘Oh, I have no doubt.’