Chapter 28
Dorothy checked her butterfly mask in the looking glass that the masquerade’s host had thoughtfully placed just outside the ballroom.
It was perfectly in place, the lower part of the wings covering her cheeks and descending almost to her jawline.
The upper wings rose several inches above the top of her head.
All in all, it was a fine choice for a mask to hide behind. Her face wasn’t visible at all.
Nathaniel will never be able to find me.
There was comfort in that. As she walked into the ballroom, she was free to look around to observe the goings-on, in a way she had not been able to do in a long time.
People looked her way and noticed her mask, but since they didn’t realize it was her, it didn’t matter whether they whispered about the lady in the butterfly mask. It didn’t matter what was said.
Still, she felt sure that this was going to be a very long night.
She quickly located her friends on the other side of the ballroom.
They had discussed what they would be wearing at the end of the book club meeting, so she knew them by their gowns and by the masks they had chosen.
Violet’s was a beautiful black lace one that barely hid her face at all, giving the impression that her beauty transcended the masquerade.
It had been an inspired choice, and Dorothy reminded herself to compliment her friend for it later.
As for Agnes, her mask was golden and covered with elaborate beadwork, as intense and ornate as Agnes herself. It was the perfect choice for someone who liked to draw attention, and indeed, several other ladies were beginning to make their way over to talk to Agnes about her choice.
Dorothy longed to go over to them as well, but she kept her distance. If Nathaniel was looking for her, as he most certainly would be, then being near her friends would make her that much easier to find. There was no chance he’d know her as long as she stayed away.
She scanned the crowd, looking for him. Knowing where he was would make him easier to avoid.
She hated that she was avoiding him. It felt so wrong.
And she wanted to spend time with him. It was always so enjoyable, the time they passed together.
If only he hadn’t wanted to marry at all!
Then they could have gone on being friends, and her infatuation would have done no harm.
But as it was, she knew watching him fall in love with someone else would be too painful.
The only thing to do was to pull away now, before there was a chance to suffer that anguish.
“You look lovely tonight, my lady.”
She turned toward the sound of the voice. It was a gentleman. The first thing she noticed about him was that he was not Nathaniel. He was fair-haired, not dark-haired like Nathaniel, and he was also noticeably shorter. He stood only a few inches taller than Dorothy herself.
She smiled. “Thank you, my lord.” It was nice to receive a compliment that had no strings attached to it.
“Would you join me for a dance?” the gentleman inquired, holding out his hand.
Here was a good way to protect her anonymity. Nathaniel would never expect to see her on the dance floor with another man. He would be looking for her, if not with her friends, then standing by the wall being an observer. Perhaps the best way to hide was simply in plain sight.
She gave him a curtsy. “It would be my honor,” she told him, allowing him to lead her to the dance floor.
“I saw you from across the room,” he said as they fell into step with the other dancers. “That mask is simply radiant. I must know who you are.”
She let out a teasing laugh. “My lord, you know I can’t answer that question,” she said. “The masks don’t come off until midnight. If you wish to know my identity, you must come and find me then.”
“You may rest assured I will.” He smiled back at her. “You’re the most interesting lady at this party by far.”
“Oh, it’s a bit early to say that,” she said.
“After all, there are hours left to go, and you can’t have spoken to everyone yet.
I would give some of the others a chance before you decide I’m the one you’re most curious about.
” She was enjoying the attention more than she ever had.
Having her mask between her and the man she was speaking to had turned out to be a great gift.
But at the same time, she knew perfectly well this was going nowhere.
There would be no marriage, no courtship, no outings.
Not even a second dance between the two of them.
Even if she hadn’t been so averse to marriage, there was no chance she would have taken up with this man or any other.
She was simply too preoccupied with thoughts of Nathaniel.
As she danced with this man, all she could think about was the way dancing with Nathaniel had been different.
Better. His arms and hands were stronger, and he was more skilled at the steps, and the conversation the two of them had shared had also been more interesting.
It was nice that this gentleman was being so complimentary to Dorothy, of course, but it wasn’t something she’d yearned for.
It was a pleasant distraction, nothing more.
The music came to an end. The man bowed. “Thank you so much for the pleasure of your company, my lady,” he said. “I will look for you at midnight, if you have no objection.”
That was a long time from now. She had faith he would forget all about her by then. “I’ll look forward to it, my lord,” she fibbed. She curtseyed and hurried away, reflecting that this night had just become a lot more complicated.
To continue socializing and keeping herself busy would surely be a good thing.
It would make it that much more difficult for Nathaniel to find her and corner her, to insist on a conversation that she knew she’d find painful.
She wanted to lean on the offer her friends had made to take care of him for her, so that she would be free to enjoy the party.
And yet, she found, she wasn’t really enjoying it.
It was difficult to have a good time under the circumstances.
I need to learn how to find joy in these things. I need to make myself into the sort of lady who can have a good time at a ball.
But all she really wanted was to retreat to a place by the wall, out of the heat of things and enjoy watching the party.
Sometimes it felt to her as though the affairs of London society were a stage play, one she had a front row seat to witness.
That was an enjoyable thing, but what wasn’t enjoyable was feeling as though she’d been pulled onto the stage and forced to perform herself.
She decided to permit herself a respite.
There was a group of ladies standing off to the side, perhaps waiting to be approached for a dance.
She concealed herself among them with ease and looked about the room again, hoping to locate Nathaniel.
She couldn’t talk to him. That would be too difficult.
But perhaps she could ease the burn of their separation by allowing herself to watch him for a while.
“Have you seen Lady Clementine?” one of the ladies near Dorothy asked. “She looks like a peacock. It’s absolutely ghastly.”
“How do you know it’s her?” another lady asked.
“She told me, of course,” the first one giggled. “Look, there she is now with the Baron of Westchester.”
Dorothy followed the pointing finger and saw a raven-haired lady in a mask so elaborate that it made Agnes’ look tame. It was done in bright blues and purples and had feathers on the top.
The ladies all giggled. “She can’t resist making a show,” one of them said. “But I thought she was going to make a bid for the Duke of Henshaw tonight.”
Dorothy froze.
“Yes, I thought that myself,” someone agreed. “Why is she wasting her time with Lord Westchester?”
“The Duke of Henshaw has never shown an interest in marriage,” someone said. “It’s he who would prove to be a waste of her time. He’s never going to marry.”
“I don’t know about that,” one of the ladies said. “I’ve heard that lately he’s been spending time with—”
She was distracted by someone colliding with her, and several cries went out as wine was spilled.
Dorothy gritted her teeth in frustration. She would very much have liked to hear the end of that sentence. Who did they think Nathaniel was spending time with? Had they been about to say her name? Or would they have said Lady Amanda’s?
She would never find out now. The ladies bustled off in the direction of the kitchen, looking for some way to clean themselves up, and Dorothy was left standing on her own, pondering all that she had heard.
But her isolation didn’t last for long.
“Here you are,” said a low voice, shockingly familiar. She looked up into warm brown eyes, and though they were surrounded by a black velvet mask that obscured his face, she knew at once who he was. There was only one person this could be.
He’d found her.
She sucked in a breath. “Nathaniel.”
“I’ve been looking for you,” he said. “I knew you would be harder to find than usual, what with the masks. I even thought about choosing one for you and having it sent over. But after our conversation when I sent you that gown, I’m not sure you would have worn it.”
Dorothy wasn’t sure either, but she was glad he hadn’t done that and had spared her the decision. “It wouldn’t have been a good idea,” was the best she could offer.
She took a step back, putting a little more space between the two of them—it was uncomfortable being this close together. All she could think about was what had happened the last time they’d been in close proximity.
“You’re probably right,” Nathaniel agreed. “And anyway, you look good in that mask, Dorothy. It was a spectacular choice. I’m just glad I found you.”
“How did you find me? I mean, how did you know it was me?” With all the effort and thought she’d put into keeping herself concealed, how had he known so easily?
“I would know your eyes anywhere,” he told her with a smile.
An electric shiver passed down her spine.
This was exactly the kind of thing she had been trying to avoid. This was not safe for her. She wasn’t going to be able to keep herself under control. She would be drawn back into the feelings she’d been having for him, and there would be no way to guard her heart.
And she couldn’t let it happen. She knew that.
She had to prevent herself from becoming attached to Nathaniel because she would never be able to keep him for herself.
Soon enough, he would marry, and then he would be required by custom and taste to distance himself from her.
It was for the best that she was creating that distance here and now.
It was just that every time she looked into his eyes, she found it hard to remember exactly why all that was so important.
And even now, as all these thoughts went through her mind, she couldn’t quite bring herself to look away.