Chapter 33
“Your Grace, we’re so glad you could join us today,” Lady Honora said stiffly.
She didn’t look glad. She was barely meeting his eyes.
Her shoulders were tense and her arms were crossed defensively in front of her.
She was angry. Well, that was to be expected.
Nathaniel had rather hoped she wouldn’t be here at all.
It would have been easier to have this conversation with Dorothy if there hadn't been elder sisters present to watch.
Lady Abigail seemed less angry. She was watching him as if she thought she might deduce something about his intentions before he even spoke. But Nathaniel only had eyes for Dorothy.
Her head hung. She hadn’t yet looked at him.
And yet, something told Nathaniel that she hadn’t been cowed or diminished by what happened.
There was a tension to her that let him know her fire burned as brightly as ever.
At any moment, he thought, she was sure to look up and say something sharp and cutting that would change the nature of the whole moment, just as she always did.
For now, though, she said nothing. It was Lady Honora who spoke again.
“I was just writing you a letter,” she said. “It was my intention to request your presence here. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the reason why.”
“You don’t need to tell me,” he agreed.
“Good.”
“I was up all night pondering what to do about the situation,” he said. “And I came as early as I thought it would be appropriate to do so without disturbing anyone.”
“We’ve been up for hours,” Lady Abigail said quietly. “Dorothy told us what happened when she arrived home last night. No one here has gotten very much sleep.”
She didn’t sound as if she was blaming him, exactly, but Nathaniel knew he had a responsibility for what had occurred. “Perhaps I should have come earlier,” he said. “It wasn’t my intention to keep you waiting.”
“No, it’s all right,” Lady Abigail said. “We’re just glad you came at all.”
Dorothy still hadn’t moved. On closer inspection, he saw that she was trembling slightly. Was she frightened? Had he done something to upset her?
Apart from the obvious, that is. What was he thinking?
He knew exactly what he had done to upset her.
She was right to have avoided him last night, because he had proven that he couldn’t be trusted.
And when she had tried to put a distance between the two of them, he hadn’t respected her wishes.
He’d chased after her and taken what he wanted, even knowing that she didn’t want the same thing.
He was ashamed of himself.
He cleared his throat. “Lady Dorothy,” he said.
She looked up at him for the first time, and he was taken aback.
He’d had the wrong idea. She wasn’t upset at all. Or rather, she was, but not in the way he’d thought. He’d expected to see her on the verge of tears, but instead, her eyes blazed with anger.
“Your Grace,” she said.
He was unaccustomed to the formality, and it felt like a slap—but then, he had been the one to start it when he had called her Lady Dorothy. He couldn’t reasonably be upset about it now.
“I wonder if you and I might speak privately?” he asked.
Lady Honora cleared her throat. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea, Your Grace,” she said. “Surely you can understand. After what happened last night…I would prefer that my sister and I remain here while the two of you have your conversation.”
It was a reasonable request. Nathaniel nodded, even though he was disappointed. “All right,” he agreed.
“You should probably just go, Your Grace,” Dorothy said.
Why was she so angry? Was it because of the kiss? Because he had brought this scandal down upon her? That would stand to reason, but for the fact that she had kissed him back. She had enjoyed it. He was as sure of that as he had ever been of anything.
It had been nothing like the time she’d been at his house, when he had found himself suddenly and strangely drawn to her.
She had pulled away then, and he had respected her wishes, so she’d have known that the outcome would be the same if she had pulled away again.
She hadn’t felt unsafe or uncertain. She had given in because she’d wanted to.
Still, it was me that started it. If I hadn’t followed her out of the ballroom, she wouldn’t be in this mess.
And there was only one thing to do now. There was only one way that he could possibly make it right with her, and for her.
He cleared his throat. “I’m not going to go,” he said. “I’m not going to turn my back on you, Dorothy.”
Lady Abigail gave a little gasp.
“I want…” He hesitated. Dorothy looked so displeased. Surely she must have anticipated what he was going to do. Did she want something else from him? Nothing to do but try, he supposed. “I want you to marry me, Dorothy. I’m here to ask you for your hand.”
He didn’t know what he had expected. He supposed he’d hoped she would brighten at the words, that she would be relieved to be spared from the scandal.
Instead, she seemed to deflate slightly. She slumped back against the settee and looked away from him.
“I think that’s very good of you, Your Grace,” Honora said. “Dorothy is very grateful, as are we all. We’ll begin the arrangements at once—perhaps we can get a dispensation to have the wedding quickly. Or would you prefer a bit of a courtship?”
“No,” Dorothy said quietly.
“You don’t want to have a courtship?” Lady Honora asked her.
“I suppose that’s all right. But you might consider it, Dorothy.
You’ve never been properly courted, after all, and it is an enjoyable time in a lady’s life.
I’m sure the duke would be willing. There’s no reason you have to get married at once.
If we can announce an engagement, that’s good enough. ”
“No—I’m saying no,” Dorothy said. “No to the proposal.” She rose to her feet now and looked Nathaniel in the eyes. “You were kind to come here today, Your Grace, but my answer is no. I won’t marry you.”
The room was silent. No one seemed to know how to respond to that.
It was Lady Abigail who found her voice first. “She doesn’t mean that, Your Grace,” she said. “She will. She needs a moment to process all this, that’s all, but once she’s had it, she’ll recognize that a marriage is the right thing.”
“No,” Dorothy said again, this time to her sister. “I won’t, Abigail. I won’t change my mind when I’ve thought about it. I won’t marry him.” She turned back to Nathaniel. “Your Grace, it’s honorable of you to ask, but I don’t want this, and you don’t want this either.”
“I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t willing to see it through, Dorothy.
” He dropped the formality. That was what had put her off in the first place, he thought.
She hadn’t liked the idea of being referred to as if the two of them weren’t friends, and perhaps that made sense after the intimacy they had shared.
Maybe it was best to be honest about how close he felt to her.
She took a step forward. For a moment, his heart beat faster—had he convinced her?
“Willing isn’t the same thing as wanting,” she said quietly. “I know what you want, Nathaniel, and it isn’t me.”
“And if I say it is?” he asked, lifting his chin.
“You would be lying.”
He didn’t think so. He hadn’t imagined that she could be the one for him. But everything had changed with that kiss. Now, when he thought of the future, when he pictured a wife and a mother for Colin, it was always her face that he saw.
It was just too perfect. Colin already thought of her in those terms. The two of them already had a good relationship.
He was surprised he hadn’t thought of this before.
And now he had discovered that he had feelings for her too, that he longed for her and wanted to kiss her and enjoyed her company.
There was nobody else who could possibly compare.
Even the thought of trying to return to Lady Amanda—who, really had been perfectly kind and entirely blameless—was unbearable.
“I wouldn’t be lying,” he told her quietly. “I do want to marry you, Dorothy.”
She maintained eye contact with him for a long moment. Was it possible she believed him? Would he win her over?
She shook her head. “I don’t want that,” she said. “Even if you do want it, I don’t. I won’t.”
She turned away and started for the door.
“Dorothy,” Lady Honora said. “Come back here at once. Don’t just walk away from this. From the duke. He’s had the decency to come here and offer you a marriage when he was under no obligation to do so, and you will accept his offer. You must.”
“Honora.” Dorothy sounded very tired all of a sudden.
“You do understand, don’t you, that you don’t have the power to force me to marry against my will?
I know you want to care for me, and to make sure that my life is the best it can possibly be.
But you must realize that there are limits.
You think that the best path forward for my happiness is to avoid scandal by marrying the duke, but I tell you that it isn’t.
I know what I need, and it isn’t to be married to him.
You’re my elder sister, and you have the right to advise me, but you can’t force me to accept a marriage.
And I won’t. I’m not going to marry you, Your Grace. ”
Apparently, that was all she had to say on the matter, for she strode toward the door without looking back.
“Dorothy!” Lady Abigail called after her, but Dorothy gave no sign that she’d heard. She opened the door, let herself out, and pulled it closed behind her.
“We’ll bring her around, Your Grace,” Lady Honora said.
“You did the right thing by coming here. We all realize that. She just needs to be convinced that this marriage is for the best. Once we get her to accept it, there will just be the matter of making the arrangements. Perhaps it is better to get things done quickly, so that she doesn’t get cold feet again. ”
“No,” Nathaniel said quietly. “She’s made her opinion clear. She’s rejecting my proposal, and there’s nothing more to say about it.” He took a step backward toward the door. “Ladies, don’t get up,” he said. “I will see myself out.”
“Don’t go, Your Grace,” Lady Abigail implored. “Let me go after her and bring her back. Dorothy has always been a bit stubborn, and sometimes she doesn’t know her own mind. Sometimes she doesn’t know what she wants.”
“Of all the things you could say about Lady Dorothy,” Nathaniel said with a wry smile, “I’d say that’s about the least true of them.
She does know her own mind. She always has.
It’s the one thing I’m certain of about her—more certain than I am of anything else.
And I have no interest in pushing her into a marriage she has made it clear she doesn’t want.
” He nodded to each of them. “Thank you so much for your time,” he said.
He managed to wait until he was outside to let the pain of the rejection in.
It had startled him, and it had cut him much deeper than he’d imagined it could.
Somewhere along the way, difficult as it was to admit, he had fallen in love with Dorothy. He wanted her to be his wife.
But she didn’t return those feelings, so whatever had existed between them had quite simply come to an end.