Chapter 16
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
" A unt Louisa, you can't catch me!"
There was a shriek of laughter as Abigail drove her fat little pony Caterpillar down the path, Kenneth following at a more cautious rate.
"Careful to stay on the path, Abigail dear!" Louisa called after her, urging her horse, a light brown mare called Dandelion, on to a faster trot. The weather was beautiful and the children were getting more and more comfortable going on little excursions with her. The search for a governess for them had been successful and Louisa had been pleased that the successful candidate was a woman who seemed both competent and kind.
But it was still a delight to be able to have fun with the twins, exploring the estate, playing in the gardens or going horse-riding like today. Abigail was happy to ride her little pony as fast as she could encourage the creature to go, while Kenneth was afraid that his own little steed might suddenly become a ginormous Clydesdale and take off with him, the way he was clutching at the reins.
"Abigail!" Louisa called again. "Oh Kenneth, she is quite beating us back to the estate. Why don't we try to catch her together, I am sure that we will be able to manage if you help me."
Kenneth looked up at her with big surprised eyes. "Really, Aunt Lady?"
No matter what Cedric or she said, Kenneth had stuck on the title of Aunt Lady and to be honest, Louisa would have been sad to hear him call her something else at this point. She smiled at him encouragingly. "Let's see what your little Warrior can do, shall we? Like I taught you just give him a little tap with your foot. Not a kick, darling, because we don't want to be mean. Just a little encouraging pat."
Kenneth listened seriously and tried the smallest kick that Louisa had ever seen in her life. it was so light that she was sure it wouldn't encourage a flea, but Warrior was used to children and picked up his pace in a solid, dependable way.
"Wonderful!" she cheered. "Abigail, come back here and see what Kenneth is doing!"
Just as she had expected, the spirited girl heard her and whirled back to check on her beloved brother. The attitude of 'elder sibling' was so strong in Abigail that sometimes Louisa could almost forget that the children were twins, no matter how much Abigail reminded everyone that she was 'seven minutes older'.
"What is it?" she cried, joining them again. "What did I miss?"
Louisa winked at Kenneth, who looked so awed at her sneakiness that she almost felt proud of herself for her little trick. "He's got Warrior to trot. Come on, dear, show her how you did it."
Obediently, Kenneth did his little kick again and Warrior picked up his pace to the prancing trot of a well behaved pony. Abigail gave a whoop of encouragement and got her own little devil to trot as well, joining her brother in laughing and cheering as they made their way down the path.
It had been the perfect morning, except for the fact that Cedric had once again not been able to join them. Ever since their moment together at the lunch table it had felt like he was avoiding her, taking meals more often in his office, not coming to listen to the stories at bedtime and finding reasons not to join her or the children in their little outings. Even today Louisa had tried to invite him out on his favorite stallion with them, but he was too busy with correspondence.
It had nothing to do with correspondence and she knew it.
"Aunt Louisa!" Abigail called. "We're nearly home, can we keep playing?"
It made her heart clench a little to hear how easily they referred to the estate as home for not just them but her too. "Of course, sweetheart," she said lightly. "What would you like to play?"
"Hide and seek! Please, Aunt Louisa!"
"Yes, yes!" Kenneth said, grinning as he clung to Warrior for dear life. "Hide and Seek and Uncle too?"
"I'll do my best, Kenneth," Louisa said, and as she saw him droop a little at the idea his uncle might not join them she pressed her lips into a thin line. She would do her best indeed. Enough avoidance, Cedric Pembroke. It was time to hunt him out.
Leaving the children in the capable hands of the governess and running her hands through her hair to tidy it, Louisa strode quickly towards Cedric's study, enjoying the free movement of wearing the breeches that she had ordered with her last batch of clothing. Ever since trying on one of her father's old pairs she had found that they were just so much more convenient for activities like running and riding and had longed for a pair of her very own. Now that she had one she could not understand why it was not more the fashion!
"Husband?" she said, knocking on his study door. "Cedric?"
"Come in," he called, sounding as busy as he had told her he would be. She pushed open the door and stepped into the study, finding him stood by the window instead of sitting behind his desk, gazing pensively out at the grounds.
"We are to play a game, my lord," Louisa said, walking up to stand a little behind him. "Will you not join us?"
"I told you already, I am far too busy for anything today."
"Kenneth asked especially for you," Louisa said sternly. "I will not go back to that boy and tell him his uncle is too busy to see him."
Cedric turned, the light catching his face and setting it into sharp relief. His brows were drawn together but there was a hint of surprise in his gaze as though perhaps he hadn't expected to be asked for. "Kenneth did?"
"He did. And you know how Abigail is about Kenneth getting what he wants."
He barked a laugh. "I do not envy any lady Kenneth wants to woo, Abigail will be certain she will be no good for him even if she were a princess."
"And quite right for a sister to feel that way," Louisa said, smiling a little. "Come now, my lord, surely your work can spare you for a little game."
"Perhaps for half an hour." He paused then, eyes running up and down her figure and eyebrow rising in interest. "Well, my lady. I had heard that you ordered some unusual pieces but I did not expect this."
"It's comfortable!" Louisa said, blushing furiously. "I like them!"
"As do I," he said, voice low. "They are certainly charming. You should have half a dozen at least."
"One pair will suit me fine for now." Why did he have such power to confuse her and make her feel so overwhelmed? "The children are waiting."
"Lead the way, sweet wife," he said with one of his smiles, the ones that were sharp and full of meaning. Louisa rolled her eyes at him, but she felt the way he looked at her - saw her - the way no one else ever had and a little coil of pleasure warmed in her heart as she returned back to the nursery with her husband behind her.
"Uncle Cedric," Abigail said in the tone of a woman who has had it up to here with the foolishness of man. "We know that you know how to play the game, stop pretending."
"Is this not how one hides, my dear?" Cedric asked, in as serious a voice as he could manage from beneath the sheet he was standing under in the middle of the room. "I do apologize, I have never been taught the skill of hiding. Unlike Kenneth, who I believe may have been trained by a master in the art."
"Uncle Cedric I can see you," Abigail said, and he was certain that he heard a foot stomp. "Please play properly!"
Kenneth was too busy laughing to complain, having been in the middle of explaining the theory behind the game when Cedric had asked, 'Does one hide like this?' and whipped the sheet over his head.
"Very well, Abigail," Cedric said, laughing as well as he took the sheet off himself. "You have my word I will do better when we start playing properly. Now who is to be seeker first?"
"I am," Kenneth said, jumping up and down. This surprised Cedric a little as usually Kenneth felt like being 'it' or the 'blindman' was stressful and a way to fail at the game. Perhaps the little lad was beginning to realize that none of them would laugh at him if he did not succeed immediately. "I'm going to find you, Uncle Cedric! And everyone else too!"
The governess, Miss Lyle, had easily agreed to play and was waiting for the game to begin, a small smile on her narrow, serious face. Louisa was also smiling, the way she did when she desperately wanted to laugh but was worried that the children might feel laughed at. Cedric could not help but look at her, dressed casually in a satin blouse and a pair of breeches that had clearly been tailored for her and her hair tied at the nape of her neck like some queen from an era where woman needed to ride and fight for themselves.
"You have to count all the way," Abigail was telling Kenneth. "If you miss one then it doesn't count. All the way up."
"I can do it!" he said. "Go hide and I'll find you first. Then we can find Lady Aunt Louisa and she'll help us find Uncle!"
"I certainly will," Louisa called.
"Treachery," Cedric called back with no heat.
She smiled at him as though she were an angel in whose mouth butter would not melt and he laughed again. Kenneth covered his eyes to start counting and Abigail rushed from the room, followed by the ladies. Cedric considered the room itself but there was nowhere in the Nursery for a man of his stature to hide so he slipped out of the door and made his way down the hall.
While it certainly did not matter in the least if her was found or when he was found he didn't want Kenneth to feel like it was being made too easy for him so he had to pick exactly the right place. Perhaps it was thoughts of his wife that drew him towards the library, thinking of the small room just off the reading nooks where old books were often stored to be assessed before it was decided if they were to be gotten rid of. He slipped inside in a moment and closed the little door behind him, not noticing until a moment too late that the space was already occupied.
"Cedric!"
"Damn it all, Louisa! What are you doing here?"
"This is my hiding place! Find your own, sir!"
Ready or not, here I come!
"I can hardly find somewhere else now," Cedric said crossly. "We will have to wait the game out."
They were silent for a moment, and he tried not to think about how close they were to each other, or how the light from the small lamp she had thought to bring in with her illuminated her face as though it was a painting from the Renaissance. In fact he was not even going to look at her. He would look at the door. It was uninteresting, after all. Boring. Just wood.
"I am tired of this," Louisa said sharply. "I am going to have it out with you sir. Why have you been avoiding me?"
It was so completely what he was doing in that moment that Cedric was taken by surprise and turned to look at her once again. "What do you mean avoiding you? I have not! I have been simply busy."
"You have! We were just beginning to make it all work, you have been warming up with the children and we have been beginning to find a way of working as a family and then you stopped coming to say goodnight to them, you stopped coming to meals and you stopped accepting any of my invitations! I know when I am being avoided, Cedric Pembroke and you have been avoiding me! Why? Why have you been doing this? I thought we were friends at least, what can I have done to upset you so?"
"Friends?" Cedric felt as though the word ripped out of him against all his better intentions and efforts, but seeing her standing there with lamplight in her hair and eyes blazing was more than he could stand. "You think we are friends, Louisa?"
She closed her mouth, staring at him in silence, a spark of hurt in her eyes that he suddenly wished he could do anything to quench.
"Friends do not feel this way, my wife. Friends don't marry each other. A friend would not blush so when I touch you, when I look at you. When I smile at you even. If we were friends you would not tremble right now and I would not want -"
"Cedric - that's not - we don't -"
He took her arm in his and drew her a step closer to him, their faces near enough that he could see the conflict warring within her. "Louisa -"
" Uncle CEDRIC ," Kenneth called, and the door to the library slammed open, little feet pattering into the room. " Lady Aunt Louisa Lady!"
There was rustling as the boy looked for them, Louisa barely breathing, his own heart racing in his ears. Surely they had never looked into each other's eyes for so long. Surely some spell was over them.
The door banged closed again but they did not move.
"Cedric," Louisa said, her voice sweet and gentle and asking a question that he felt he might at last be able to answer.
Bending to kiss her was the most natural thing he had ever done. Her lips were sweet against his, his arms wrapping around her waist and pulling her against him as though they had always been meant to be together. For a moment the world felt so right that he ached to think about what it had been like before this very second.
He was pulling her against him without thinking, marveling at how well she fit into his arms. She smelled sweet and enticing, her skin soft against his, her lips so tender under his own. It was an embrace that could have lasted forever and he still would not have drunk his fill.
Dear god what have I done.
Cedric pulled back, cold horror seeping into him as Louisa looked at him with flushed cheeks and dazzled eyes, the look he had seen on many a young lady's face in the past. What had he done, what had he done . He made no sound, opened the door and rushed from the room, barely hearing Kenneth's crow of ' I found you ' as he hurried towards his office and closed the door.
This was not something he could undo.