Chapter 3 #2
That overwhelming, unsettling feeling swirls in my stomach once again, and I feel bile rising in my throat.
God, I am so stupid. I am everything Gloria Steinem tried to warn us about.
Don’t get me wrong, I love being a stay-at-home mom and I know my choices are valid; I just wish I had been smarter about them.
Why didn’t I save more when I was still working at the university library before giving birth?
Why didn’t I get a part-time job or a side hustle sooner?
Why did I let my entire financial future rest in the hands of a man just because I’m married to him?
I’m incredibly lucky to have my parents because otherwise, Sadie and I would be stuck in my loveless, unfaithful marriage for the financial benefits alone.
I am such an idiot.
“You’re not an idiot, Lilah. And you’re getting about fifty steps ahead of yourself here. First things first—are you going to file for divorce?”
I nod my head against the counter. I’ll have to open a new credit card or borrow money from my parents to hire a lawyer, but there’s no way I can stay married to the Earl anymore.
“Good. We can start calling around and get that process going today if you want. You’re also going to call your gynecologist and get the earliest possible appointment, because lord knows who or what the Earl was sticking his dick in.
You need to get tested ASAP. And you don’t have to stay with your parents if you don’t want to.
There has been no one in Grandma Millie’s place for a month, and I already had the cleaners come and the carpets replaced.
I have no new tenants lined up; there are two bedrooms and a backyard. It’s the perfect place for us.”
I pop my head up. I didn’t know that Grandma Millie’s place was empty.
Ivy inherited the old ranch house after Millie passed away five years ago, and since she has never had any interest in moving back to Fox Hole, she rents it out for dirt cheap.
Her childhood home has been the starter house for at least two young families around these parts, and I’m honestly shocked that there was no one lined up to take it over when the last tenants moved out.
“I know you practically rent the place out for next to nothing, but Vee, I can’t afford Grandma Millie’s house. Not on my non-existent jam-maker salary and not when I have to give up my jam dreams to pour coffee at Miss Pattie’s.”
That earns me an eye-roll.
“You’re not paying me rent, Lilah. You, me and Sadie are going to stay at Grandma Millie’s.
I’ll help you with Sadie; you can focus on making and selling your jam, and we’ll get you divorced from that idiot rat bastard you married.
And in the meantime, I can more than afford to take care of the three of us. ”
“No. Absolutely not. I draw the line at you becoming my sugar daddy, Vee.”
“That’s too damn bad, since I have the chalk.
I decide where the line is drawn, and it’s not at providing you and Sadie financial stability.
You know how much Grandma Millie left me, and you know how much I bring in with Lilith I’ve never been able to stomach the gross concoction of Tennessee ham and strawberry jam on grilled white bread that she and my daughter love so much.
“None for Mama, because she has no taste. I think we should add fried eggs, too,” Ivy winks, and I shove back from the island as my stomach churns.
“You two enjoy your gruel. Mama is gonna go upstairs and take a shower.” And probably throw up again, but they don’t need to know that. The “holy shit my life is flipped upside down” nausea will subside, eventually.
“Make a gyno appointment,” Ivy calls after me as I ascend the stairs, leaving behind the happy squeals of my sweet girls and their gross breakfast.