Chapter 19 #2
“They won’t. Sadie and Little Bean will always rely on you and me, and your parents, and Stephen and Dottie for everything they need.
But Earl is at least partially responsible for their existence, and they deserve to be taken care of for that.
He needs to be held responsible as a parent, one way or another. ”
My face screws up and I feel fresh tears well in the corners of my eyes. Being pregnant is the pits; everything makes me cry, and there is no hiding it.
“You really think I’ll end up with full custody?” I ask Leonard.
“I never make any guarantees,” he says cautiously. “But you’ve got a pretty damn good chance. And I haven’t even told you the other option yet.”
Other option? I lean in, making a ‘go ahead’ motion with my hand.
“Earl might not want to pay child support. When these tests come back and say that he’s the father, he might drop this whole thing.”
“How is that a good option?” Ivy asks.
“Because if he’s the father but doesn’t want to pay child support, gets no custody and realizes he has no way to wield your children as a method of controlling you, he might relinquish full legal parental rights. You could be done with him for good, Delilah.”
Oh my god.
How have I not thought of that?
“So you’re saying in the worst-case scenario, Earl has to pay child support and I can set up a nest egg for my kids. Best-case scenario…”
“You never have to see the motherfucker again, unless you need your car fixed. And even then, I recommend going out of town. Son of a bitch overcharged me for a brake replacement once, and I will never forget.”
Ivy squeezes my hands, her freezing cold palms grounding me and bringing me an odd sort of comfort.
“Alright. I guess we’re going to family court.”
“There’s just one thing…” Leonard says.
The second we walk past the front door to my parent’s house, I’m assaulted by love in all directions.
My daughter flings herself at my legs, wrapping them in a hug.
My little brother—who is now annoyingly a six-foot-something grown man—hooks an arm around my shoulder and gives me a noogie, and his fiancé crowds my other side, air-hugging me while begging to rub my belly.
“Mama! Uncle Stephen and Auntie Dottie Lynn are here!”
“I can see that, Lollipop. What the heck? Why aren’t you in San Francisco?”
“Stephen flew in so he and your dad can take measurements for the nursery expansion, and I tagged along. I had to see my best girls!” Dottie squeals when Ivy lifts her off her feet in a hug.
She’s always been a tiny wisp of a thing, but Dottie looks much happier and healthier now that she’s living and working with Stephen in San Francisco instead of wasting away alone as an influencer in Los Angeles.
Her curves have filled out, her cheeks are pink, and the smile lines by the corners of her mouth are the cherry on top of her beautiful features.
Dad appears through the open back door, wiping his hands on a towel. The smell of burgers and grilled corn floods my nostrils, and Little Bean starts to kick in tandem with the growls of my empty stomach.
“And we’ve got to check out that kitchen next to the—” Dad starts, but he’s interrupted by Ivy’s sudden coughing fit.
“Sorry,” she gags. “The smoke from the barbecue. C’mon, Old Man, take me out for some fresh air.”
Ivy practically drags my father out the back door by his elbow, and Stephen follows with Sadie tugging on the back of his t-shirt, leaving Dottie and me standing in the kitchen.
“What the hell was that about?” I ask Dottie.
“Who knows? I always zone out when Stephen talks about work and construction to me. Come, sit. I made mocktails. I want to hear everything.”
Dottie drags me to the kitchen table and pours me a virgin Paloma (which is basically just sparkling grapefruit juice, but I don’t complain), and we sip as I fill her in on the pregnancy, the divorce and custody situation, as well as a few dirty-but-still-sister-appropriate details on mine and Ivy’s bedroom affairs.
“Wait,” Dottie says between gasping laughs. “You seriously balded the Earl?”
“Yep! Nair in the shampoo worked like a charm,” I chuckle.
“Oh my god. We stopped at Miss Pattie’s to pick up dessert on our way over and she was talking about some guy showing up at the emergency room with a burnt penis? Tell me that wasn’t you, too.”
I shrug, smirking.
“Well, technically I know nothing about that. But there may have been some discussion about slipping cayenne pepper into Earl’s jerk-off lotion. I certainly did no such thing, but I do know Artie has a thing for spicy food...”
Dottie and I burst into another round of laughter, the thought of Earl waddling into the ER because he was masturbating at work and his ineffective dick got a little too spicy too much for me to handle.
“Unfortunately the petty pranks have to end, at least for now. Leonard says it’s basically the only thing Earl can hold up against me in court, even though he can’t prove it’s me. It’s pretty obvious that I’m the only one in town who’d want to see him suffer like that.”
“Uh, that’s not obvious whatsoever. Everyone in Fox Hole hates Earl. Remember when I was in high school and he started calling me Dick Eater Dottie? He can rot for that alone.”
“Oh my god! How did I not know he started that? What a fucking asshole.”
“Well, jokes on him, since I’ve only ever been with your brother. I’m sure Earl has eaten way more dicks than I have in his lifetime. And besides, Stephen was the one who slashed all but one of the tires on Earl’s ugly ass Mustang in the school parking lot, so he got his.”
We sip our drinks and marinate on how I could marry such a prick.
At one time in my life, the thought alone might have been enough to send me into a downward spiral.
But I watch out the window as Ivy scoops my daughter into her arms, the two of them running away from my brother as he chases them with a NERF gun.
I can’t help but think that all of that pain was worth it, because it led me here.
“Oh my god,” Dottie gasps, slamming her glass down on the table and I nearly jump out of my seat from the loud intrusion to my quiet thoughts.
“Fuck, Dottie, warn a girl before you have an outburst, will you? You could’ve forced me into labor just now.”
“I don’t think that’s scientifically possible. I have an idea,” my sister-to-be says, her eyes wide as saucers and glimmering with a menacing glow. “One last prank to take Earl down for good.”
“I can’t. The lawyer advised me to lay low and stop fucking with him. We’ve got a really good chance at getting full custody of the kids and I don’t want to take any chances.”
“But what if I told you this particular idea of mine couldn’t be traced back to you in any way? And if my gut is right, it may even help you in the long run? You could wind up with the best of both worlds. A nest egg for your kids and never having to see Earl Ellis Booth again.”
I raise an eyebrow, skeptical but curious.
“I’m listening…”
“Oh Loathsome Lilah,” Dottie says, calling me by the ridiculous code name Ivy gave me all those weeks ago.
She picks up her phone and dials, propping up her phone for a FaceTime call and smirking like the cat who got the cream.
“You are about to learn why it’s good to have rich, powerful, nosy men with nothing but free time on their hands in your life. ”
The phone rings once, then a frantic, gorgeous man appears on screen. Taylor Swift is playing loudly in the background and I can hear the unmistakable sound of drunk-girl giggling.
God, I miss being allowed to get drunk. Maybe I’ll have a margarita in the hospital as my push-present.
“Dottie Girl,” the man on the screen gasps, running his fingers through luscious brown locks.
I’ve been wavering on putting a label on my sexuality but I think I can firmly plant myself in the bisexual camp, cause I’d let this dude ride me like a tilt-a-whirl.
“When are you coming back to San Francisco? You’re the only sane member of The Pussy Posse and I fear Kira’s power is growing too strong in your absence. ”
“James, you can handle your wife and her friends without me. Now focus. I’m sitting here with Stephen’s sister, and we need a favor.”
“Anything. Everything. Just get back here and save me, please.”