Chapter 4
“As much as my brother thinks Lord Surrey would suit me very well, I confess that I do not think so.”
Beatrice swallowed the knot in her throat at the mention of his name. “No?
Lady Norah shook her head as they walked along the path through Hyde Park. The fashionable hour would soon be upon them, but Beatrice was not certain she wanted to linger. Her thoughts were still too full of Lord Surrey and all that had taken place the previous evening.
“I think that, whilst he is handsome, there is a hint of melancholy about him that I cannot think well of.”
This made Beatrice frown. “Melancholy?”
Her new friend nodded. “Indeed. He spoke very little to me during our dance together, and then, what he did say spoke of a moroseness that I thought most unbecoming during a ball.”
Beatrice blinked, wondering if this meant that he had felt the very same as she upon their meeting. “Might I be very rude and ask what it was he said?”
Coming to a stop, Lady Norah turned to look at Beatrice directly, curiosity in her eyes.
“The reason I ask such a thing,” Beatrice explained, quickly, “is because he – Lord Surrey, that is – left my company very suddenly and unexpectedly, back when we were first acquainted. I often wondered why he had done so.”
Lady Norah’s eyes rounded at the edges. “You mean to suggest that you two had a… a warmer acquaintance than might otherwise be expected?”
Beatrice waved a hand and shook her head, screwing up her face in the hope that this would dissuade Lady Norah from her question.
“No, not in the least! I speak only of a pleasant acquaintance, that is all – my brother shared one also. That is why it felt so very unusual for him to depart without warning.”
“I see.” There was a tiny hint of disbelief in Lady Norah’s voice, but Beatrice did her best to ignore it, holding the lady’s gaze and waiting for her response.
“In truth, Miss Williams, he apologized to me for his lack of conversation and general enthusiasm. When I asked him if he was struggling with some difficulty or other that was taking away his enjoyment of the evening, his smile became rueful, and he said that yes, there was a heaviness on his mind, but that his duty must be done. Thereafter, I did not dare to question him any more for what he had shared had been a little delicate already, I did not think it my place to do so.”
Beatrice frowned, looking away from Lady Norah. Duty? Whatever was he speaking about? And could it be that this duty, whatever it was, had taken him from her side all those months ago?
No, she thought to herself, as she and Lady Norah began to walk together again.
It was much too long ago. His duty, no doubt, is that he must find a wife, just as my brother must do.
Her eyebrows dropped lower over her eyes, her heart aching with a long-felt pain.
What he said to me at the Christmas ball was just a way of securing my affections before he stole a kiss.
No doubt he was concerned that, should he do so without those words, I would have turned from him.
“You are deep in thought, Miss Williams.” Lady Norah’s eyes were concerned, searching Beatrice’s face. “I do hope I have not upset you in some way.”
Beatrice shook her head quickly. “No, of course not. Now,” she continued, briskly, pushing away her thoughts about Lord Surrey, “you must tell me about the other gentlemen you danced with and whether you thought any better of them!” Much to her relief, this seemed to pull Lady Norah out of her concerns, for she immediately giggled and then began to talk about one Lord Yarmouth, whom she thought very handsome indeed.
Although Beatrice listened as best she could, her thoughts quickly returned to what Lady Norah had revealed about Lord Surrey.
She herself had not noticed anything melancholy about him, but evidently, there was a sorrow there that he held beneath his outward appearance.
But I should not care, she told herself, firmly. This is not worth my thoughts.
Her head lifted, her eyes going back to the path ahead – only to land on the very gentleman that she had been trying to forget about.
Lady Norah was still talking about Lord Yarmouth, and Beatrice pulled her eyes from Lord Surrey and tried to have her gaze land anywhere but near him, her chest tightening as she did so.
To have this strength of reaction to a mere sight of him was telling indeed, but Beatrice did not dare linger on what emotions were, at present, rushing through her.
ought she to be thinking very poorly of him indeed, should she not?
There should be anger and indignation over his treatment of her, whispering about love and such things before kissing her and then disappearing without a word!
Instead, she felt quite the opposite of that, as if to say that his kiss had, in some way, tied her to him.
“Oh, Lord Surrey, Lord Yarmouth!”
Beatrice blinked in surprise. This gentleman, next to Lord Surrey, was the very fellow that Lady Norah had been speaking about?
He was tall, with a slim figure and a sharp nose, although his eyes were kind.
She personally did not think him remarkably handsome, but, given the pink in Lady Norah’s cheeks, it seemed as though she did.
“How very good to meet you, Miss Williams!”
Curtsying quickly, Beatrice lifted her head and flushed, aware that Lady Norah had introduced her to Lord Yarmouth without her awareness, since her thoughts had been so very many. “And you, Lord Yarmouth.”
“I do wonder if you would like to take a turn about the park, Lady Norah?” Lord Yarmouth asked, pulling his attention away from Beatrice very quickly indeed. “I can see that your chaperone is a short distance behind us. Would that be suitable?”
Lady Norah’s eyes lit up only for her smile to fade quickly as she glanced at Beatrice. “I am afraid that my sister-in-law, Lady Dorset, must stay with both myself and Miss Williams, for I was the one who invited her to Hyde Park today.”
“Oh, I can walk a little ways behind you,” Beatrice said quickly, doing her utmost to avoid Lord Surrey’s gaze and instead, finding it a good deal easier to pretend that he was not there at all. “That would be quite all right.”
Lord Yarmouth’s smile shot back across his face. “Excellent! Although Lord Surrey, if you have no particular intentions this afternoon, mayhap you might walk with Miss Williams whilst I walk with Lady Norah? That way, none of us shall be lonely!”
Beatrice wanted to protest at once, wanted to state that she could not possibly walk with Lord Surrey and that there was no need to offer to do such a thing, but she could not find the right words with which to speak.
Lord Yarmouth looked expectantly to Lord Surrey, and he, after a moment, cleared his throat and nodded.
“Yes, of course. A good thought, Lord Yarmouth.”
“Let me just go tell Lady Dorset.” With a quick smile in Beatrice’s direction, Lady Norah hurried off to tell her sister-in-law, leaving Beatrice to stand with both gentlemen.
Lord Yarmouth was much too busy gazing after Lady Norah, and Lord Surrey, it seemed, had found something very interesting on the ground by his feet.
Beatrice’s stomach lurched with nervousness as Lady Norah returned, taking Lord Yarmouth’s arm and beginning to walk without hesitation, stepping quickly away from both Beatrice and Lord Surrey.
Glancing at Lord Surrey and seeing that he made no move to walk after them, Beatrice set off alone, thinking it best that she leave him behind.
Her nerves were already too fraught, her heart already beating much too furiously for any sort of conversation with the gentleman.
“I know that this must be deeply unsettling for you, Miss Williams, and I am sorry for it.”
Her eyes closed briefly as his voice drew near, snatching away her hope that she would not have to speak at length with him. “You have come to join me instead, Lord Surrey,” she said, keeping her gaze straight ahead. “You do not need to. I am very well able to walk on my own.”
“I said that I would do so, and I am a gentleman who keeps my word.”
Unable to help herself, Beatrice let out a small exclamation of disbelief.
“That is, a- aside from the occasion when I have no other choice but to break it,” he said, stammering. “I do not mean to suggest – ”
A sudden burst of heat – though it was not a pleasurable feeling – burned through Beatrice’s frame, her mouth opening and words coming out before she could stop them.
“You are talking about the evening you promised me that you would come to speak with me again and then never did as you had said,” she stated, her voice a little louder than she had meant, although she found it difficult to pull it back down to a quieter level given the roaring emotions swelling through her.
“Do you recall that evening, Lord Surrey? Do you remember that moment?”
He turned to her suddenly, swiveling towards her and stopping her directly in her path.
“I cannot speak of it,” he said, lowering his head, his voice a good deal quieter than her own.
“I will not speak of it. But I can apologize for what I did not do, Miss Williams. Believe me, I had every intention of fulfilling my word but – ”
“Or was your intention only to steal a few moments of pleasure from me and then walk away?” Lifting her chin and hating the hot tears that jumped into her eyes, Beatrice took him in, seeing how he tightened his jaw, how his hazel eyes swirled with dark shadows.
Her words came back to her, biting down, telling her that she was wrong in her assumption, and all without his refuting of her statement.
“I cannot give you an explanation,” he said in a low voice.
“Whether you believe me or not, Miss Williams, it was not my intention nor my desire to run from you.” With a deep breath, he stood tall again, his shoulders back.
“I am afraid that though we are acquainted, that is all we can be now. Perhaps distant, disinterested acquaintances at that.”
Beatrice blinked quickly to push away her tears, refusing to let even a single one come out to cling to her lashes.
Not all of what Lord Surrey was saying to her made sense, but she could not bring herself to question it, not when he was so very determined to set them back from what they had shared.
“Shall we continue?”
Without waiting, Lord Surrey began to walk again, following after Lord Yarmouth and Lady Norah.
With a heart troubled now by confusion and upset, Beatrice came after him, her eyes low and her spirits sinking.
Did she believe him? He was stating, quite clearly, that it seemed that he had done nothing deliberately, that he had intended to do precisely as he had said to her that night.
So what then had been his reason for pulling away from her?
Why had he whispered words of love and then drawn back?
Surely such strong feelings did not simply fade to nothing?
They walked in silence from then on, with Beatrice daring a glance up at him only now and again.
Lord Surrey said nothing more to her and did not once let his gaze turn to her.
Distant acquaintances were what he had stated, was it not?
Was this his way of pushing that distance, then?
Was this his way of showing her precisely what it was he meant by that?
“Why?”
Lord Surrey turned his head just a little.
“Why must there be distance between us?” she asked, a sudden thrill of hope pushing into her frame. “Why must we be near strangers to each other? For what purpose do you ask such a thing of me?”
For a long moment, there came nothing but silence.
Lord Surrey’s eyebrows were pulled together, lines on his forehead, and pulling between them also.
His jaw remained tight, working hard as he rubbed one hand over his chin.
Beatrice waited breathlessly, the crowd around them fading to a dull noise and nothing more, desperate to hear his response.
His eyes met hers and her heart lurched, seeing pain shattering in his eyes.
Surely now, there was something more to be said, some explanation to be given to her!
He did not offer one.
“I think I should take my leave.” Without warning, he looked at her, then bowed his head. “Do excuse me.”
Beatrice said nothing, watching him as he walked away from her whilst she, with slow steps continued to follow after Lady Norah, who was busy laughing and smiling at whatever it was Lord Yarmouth was saying.
It was more than apparent that Lord Surrey was setting himself far back from her, making sure that she had no thought of anything more between them and that society would never even think of a connection between them.
The only question she had, however, was why he was doing such a thing?
He had not spoken to her of it, had not shown even a momentary hesitation when it came to denying her any further knowledge of what it was.
Did she believe that he had been true in his statement that he had not lied to her at that Christmas ball?
That his intentions had been genuine and that something else had pulled him from her?
Her lips twisting, Beatrice’s heart clung to that possibility, refusing to let her step back from it, if it was true that he had meant all he’d said, if he had spoken of love, then was there not still even a tiny possibility that he still felt the same?
That the love that had been in his heart then, small and frail as it might have been, still lingered?
And if it does, she thought to herself, fully aware that her own feelings were returning to her with a swiftness she had not expected, then what am I to do about it all?