Celeste
“Fuck, this sucks.”
I grunt as Erika leans on my shoulder. “This ain’t no picnic for me either.”
She coughs out a laugh. “Stop making me laugh, bitch. It hurts.”
“I can’t help it if I’m naturally funny. That’s like asking a leopard to hide her spots.”
She leans over to flush the toilet. “I hate letting people see me like this. It’s almost worse than the pain.”
“I get that. I hate feeling like I need someone’s help.”
Erika clutches my arm with one hand and uses her other hand to brace herself on the doorframe. “That’s what happens when you have mommy and daddy issues like us.”
“Our parents fucked us up good, didn’t they?”
“They sure did.”
I help her back to bed and fluff her pillows behind her so she can sit up. “How’s that?”
“It’s perfect.” Erika pats the space beside her. “Sit. Let’s talk.”
“Uh-oh.” I hoist myself onto the mattress and prop myself up against the headboard. “Am I in trouble?”
“Not at all. I’ve been wanting to check in with you and ask how you’re doing.”
My chin jerks back. “I’m fine. What are you talking about?”
“Girl, you’re fucking your best friend and her husband. You are the farthest thing from fine.”
I cover my face with a pillow and groan into it. “I’m so not fine.”
“I bet the sex is so good though.” She peers under the pillow. “Tell me the sex is good.”
I grin. “It’s hot as fuck.”
“Damn right it is. You get to have everything that is soft and feminine in Kourtney, who knows her way around a pussy...yet you get to have that hard, sexy body of Jason’s, who can ravish you and bring you to your knees.”
I arch a brow. “You want to get in on this too?”
She laughs and then clutches her pelvis. “God damnit, that hurts.”
“What do you want me to say? Yes, being able to be with Kourtney and Jason at the same time is the hottest thing I’ve ever done.”
“But...”
“But what?”
Erika levels me with a look. “But how are you feeling in the midst of all this? You can’t tell me this is purely sexual. You three have a past.”
I nod. “We do, but I think that’s what makes this so easy. I’m comfortable with them.”
“So when this is all over, you’re going to move back into your apartment and go back to being friends without all the benefits.”
“Yup. That’s the deal.”
She clicks her tongue on the roof of her mouth. “And you seriously think it’ll be that easy?”
I hike a shoulder. “Why wouldn’t it be?”
“You forget that I’ve been living with the three of you for the last week.
I’ve seen you together—when you’re not having sex in front of a camera.
The way you move around each other in the kitchen; the way you steal glances at each other when you think the other isn’t watching; the little touches and caresses as you pass one another.
You have this incredible dynamic between you.
” Erika shakes her head. “Either you’re in deeper than you realize, or you know exactly what I’m talking about, and you’re just trying to ignore it. ”
I chew the inside of my cheek. “Ignoring works for me.”
Just like I’ve been ignoring the fact that we had sex without recording it the other night. As if we were a real couple—or throuple, I guess. I got carried away, and the sleeping arrangement isn’t helping.
Erika chuckles and winces. “Come on. Look at me. I’m being vulnerable with you, laid up in bed after vaginoplasty. Be real with me.”
“Real.” I let out a humorless laugh. “I tried real. It hurt like hell.”
Losing Kourtney devastated me. I was head over heels in love with her, and I truly believed we’d be together forever. When she pulled the rug out from under me, I swore I’d never let anything like that happen again.
“You were young back then. Kourtney wasn’t ready for the magnitude of you yet. She needed to go her own way and learn along her journey.” Erika clasps my hand. “But that path led her right back to you.”
“Her path led her down the aisle to someone else.”
“Yet she’s still trying to get you back.”
I shake my head and flick my eyes up to the ceiling, refusing to let Erika’s words sink in.
“Are you still in love with her?” she asks.
“I don’t think you ever really fall out of love.
Time passes, so the memories aren’t at the forefront of your brain anymore, but your heart never forgets.
” I shift on the bed to look at her. “It’s like when man first landed on the moon and stuck the flag into it.
You might not think about it all the time now, but that flag will always remain there.
The moon will forever be changed because of it. ”
Erika nods. “And what about him? Are you in love with Jason?”
My chest squeezes at the thought. “I care about him. Is it love though? I don’t know. I don’t know what any of this is that we’re doing. It’s confusing as hell.”
“You can be in love with more than one person at a time. People tell you that you can’t, but you can. The only limits on our hearts are the ones we put there.”
My voice is a whisper, too ashamed to admit this out loud. “I could love him.”
If I let myself.
Jason is kind and caring and everything I’d want to find in a man.
I just didn’t expect to find it in my best friend’s husband.
But maybe he was right when we said I need to stop looking at him that way.
And maybe Erika is right: I’m the only one limiting myself.
If this is what Kourtney wants, and this is what Jason wants, maybe I can allow myself to want this too.
“How’s Erika doing?”
“She’s in pain but she’s okay. She still needs help getting around, which is why Kourtney isn’t here tonight. We’ve been taking turns on bathroom duty.”
Cassidy glances at my jersey. “You’re a good friend being here to represent for the both of you.”
I smile as I swing my gaze out over the ice. Since Kourtney couldn’t be here, I figured it was time I put on Jason’s jersey and surprise him. Anticipation bubbles inside me like fizzy champagne.
“Kourt and I finished your latest book, by the way.” I nudge Cassidy with my shoulder. “I loved it. You’re such an incredibly gifted writer. I wish I had a way with words like you.”
“Thank you. I’m glad you guys enjoyed it.” Her cheeks redden, but she holds her head high. “People have been asking me for your story, you know. They loved the outgoing PR agent in my last book, and they want her to get her own happy ending.”
I cough out a laugh. “Yeah, I’d like my own happy ending too.”
“Have you been dating at all?”
I shake my head. “It’s been a hectic time being displaced from my apartment and losing my job. I don’t think I’m in the right headspace to be dating.”
Oh, and you know, I’m also in the middle of a throuple with my best friends at the moment.
“I get that.” Cassidy lights up as Trenton skates onto the ice to warm up. “You never know. Love can find you when you least expect it. Just look at how Trenton and I turned out.”
Trenton skates around the goal and blows Cassidy a kiss before waving to me.
Jason takes the ice next, and my eyes follow him until he makes his way over to where Cassidy and I are sitting. He skids to a stop, and his eyes go wide when they land on the number six on my jersey.
I twirl the end of my ponytail and grin.
He runs his tongue over his bottom lip and shakes his head, his emerald gaze promising a reward for my surprise later.
After he skates away, I can feel Cassidy staring at me, but I don’t turn to look at her. I know she saw the feral look on Jason’s face. To an outsider, this looks all kinds of wrong.
Luckily, I don’t have to explain any of it because Cassidy returns her attention to the boys, and before we know it, the game starts.
“Come on. Get in there, McKinley!” I jump to my feet as the Goldfinches scramble for the puck in front of the opposing goal before it’s passed back to our side of the ice. “Goddamnit.”
A Boston player makes an attempt on our goal, but Jason is there to block the shot. He passes it to Krum, and he takes it down to the other side of the rink.
I cup my hands over my mouth. “Yeah, Stamos! That’s what I’m talking about.”
Cassidy laughs as she claps. “You should wear his jersey more often. He’s on fire tonight.”
I bite back a smile. Jason always plays hard. He gives everything his complete attention, so if he’s on that ice, he’s giving one hundred percent.
It’s a tough game. The teams are evenly matched, and as we go into the second period, the score is still 0-0.
As soon as the puck drops, Boston comes away with it, and number twenty-two heads straight for our goal.
“Fuck, get him out of there!” I yell.
Krum rides him and manages to regain possession of the puck. He passes it to Jason, and as fast as lightning, he skates away with it.
And then number twenty-two comes back around. He flies up behind Jason, but instead of fighting for the puck, he checks Jason into the boards.
Hard.
Jason’s back slams into the wall, and then he falls to the ice.
The crowd goes wild over the illegal hit, and both teams erupt in a fight, throwing punches as helmets and sticks slide around them.
But Jason doesn’t move, lying lifeless on the ice.
Cassidy clamps her hand over her mouth. “Oh, no.”
The ref stops the game, and the stadium goes silent as the players realize what’s happening behind them.
Get up, Jay. Please get up.
The medical team is by his side, and all we can do is watch and wait. Until they signal for a stretcher.
Fuck.
I grab my purse. “I’m sorry to leave you here alone, Cass, but I have to go.”
“Go, go.” She pulls me into a quick hug. “Text me with updates.”
“I will.”
I make my way through the stadium with my phone to my ear calling Kourtney.
“Come on, Kourt. Pick up.”
I try Erika’s phone next, but she doesn’t answer.
“Goddamnit!”
I know damn well security won’t let me into the medical area, but I’m friends with a few of the therapists, so I shoot them a text to keep me informed on Jason’s status.
Finally, Kourtney calls me back.
My heart is in my throat as I press my phone to my ear. “Kourt, are you watching the game?”
“No, Erika and I are watching a movie in her bed. Why?”